To think I should be able to take my daughter on holiday

[jj3457]

Hi everyone. I know some people may not like this, but I am a dad posting, just looking for some advice.

I told my ex I would like to take our daughter (3) on holiday to spain for 5 days with me and my mum.

Now this is where I messed up, and I will hold my hands up. I was dishonest when I told her I would be going with my mum. We will actually be going with my partner who my ex hasn’t met. I know this was a stupid lie but I was just worried my ex wouldn’t give consent for the holiday if she knew who was actually going.

To make matter worse, my ex has now found out that my mum is actually going to Florida for 2 weeks at the time I said she was coming to Spain with us.

My ex has messaged to say that she will not be handing over the passport until I give explicit details about the travel. I know that once I tell her I’m going with my partner she will refuse to consent. The holiday is booked and paid for.

I know I’m in the wrong for being dishonest but I am on the birth certificate and have as much right as she does to take her on the holiday. My ex has taken her abroad several times before and this is my first time.

what can I do if my ex refuses to give consent?

thanks

I think you’re a complete prick for lying.

To answer your question, you can apply to the court if you have enough time. It’s a straightforward form and they’ll likely approve. Lying isn’t illegal, just immoral. Next time just tell her the truth and then do things legally / properly if she refuses. She has no legal right to refuse based on what you’ve said.

It won’t be 48 hours, will it? It’s probably 9am Saturday at the earliest till 6pm on Sunday at the latest. Not even 36 hours and she’s asleep for 10-12 hours of that.

And then many 9am - 6pm on the in between weekends.

Does your Ex know your new partner? Is that why you're not telling her?

Frankly, you sound too immature to be parenting. Introducing your girlfriend to your child without telling her mother, lying about your travel partner, looking to legal entitlements as your first port of call before even trying a conversation… surely grown adults can communicate more confidently and compassionately than this?!

Not every break up is 50/50

and sounds like dad sees dd every weekend. Whether overnight every other or the daytime the weeks she doesn’t stay

I don’t see my daughter more often because of where I live. I live about an hour away from my daughter, who attends a school nursery 5 days a week. I work full time and often don’t finish until 6/6.30. So seeing her in the week is just completely unrealistic since she goes to bed at 7, so by the time I get there, she would be asleep. Sometimes I have her from Friday evening to Sunday evening. On bank holiday weekends, I have her from Friday to Monday.

I’m all for joint parenting but there is no way I’d allow my 3 yo to go on holiday with someone I hadn’t met!

The way to make this happen would have been to introduce the mum to your partner several months ago so she could get to know her properly.

This gives me the ick on a practical level. Holiday with new girlfriends involve sex. Your 3 yo will be in your room. It isn’t going to work.

It’s amazing how many secretive and dishonest part-time dads who live too away from their children to share care have a “diifficult” ex.

Two nights a month!

Is the long term plan to move closer to her? You will miss so much if you don’t. Especially once properly in school when she has party and play date invited on weekends, and then hobbies etc

How did you come to live so far away?

You also don’t have to work those hours - Dads can change their working hours, change their jobs, ask for flexible working etc just like Mums can.

A man’s job isn’t a “given” that everything has to fit around.

If you moved away when you broke up, that wasn’t a good idea!

And that is your daughters fault how? It amazes me that so called father's they "can't" do XYZ but mums have to make it work because we have no other choice. If you cared about your daughter wou would make it work. And you'd be able to manage contact alone without involving someone else since you see so little of her. I'm sad for your daughter tbh, you're setting her standard for father's. Luckily she has a mum who takes care of her.

If she won't give consent, you'll need to get a emergency court order. You also need a regular court order in place to prevent her stopping contact.

And stop lying.

I wouldn't consent to my dc going on holiday with a person I hadn't ever met and also lying about your mother being on the holiday has made everything worse.

This is so different than days on end on holiday and 24/7 responsible. Your ex was letting you take your dd with your mum, this is not on her for being unreasonable, it’s on you for lying. She is rightly concerned that you won’t be spending 24/7 while out of the room on holiday watching your 3yo. You’ll have to leave your dd if you can’t cancel your new partner. 3 is young and needs such supervision.

I work full time in a busy corporate management job. I have to leave early some days and start late a few days a week because I have kids. Luckily she goes to bed early so you can make up hours easily. I don’t get to start work again until 9 or 10 often.

I should add so does my dh! He leaves early most days to get back to pick up because he works an hour away. So he gets to work by 6 or 7 and heads off early, before 4 the days he has to make 5pm training for ds2 or get home so I can take ds1 to basketball. It’s not too common in his industry but he’s a dad so he does it.

So go with your new gf. Problem solved,

It’s not a formal safeguarding issue but the mum would rightly be very anxious about her 3yos safety. Many (many many!) men would expect the gf to supervise the little girl for some portion of the holiday and without experience not everyone knows that 3yos need close supervision and especially you can’t take your eyes off a child near water. Also, he is unlikely to be 100% focused on his dd if he’s bringing his gf. It’s not her dd. It’s a totally different supervision scenario to going with his mum and he’s a dad who doesn’t have experience of days on end on full parenting duty.

You’ve been with this woman since January 2025 and never even mentioned her to ex, let alone introduced her? Why so secretive? No wonder your ex is “difficult” - she has very good reason not to trust you.

For context, does your ex have a partner, now or since your breakup, and has she taken him/them on holidays with your daughter?

He’s possibly been with her much longer than that; he introduced her to his child in Jan 2025!

Given the child is not yet four it suggests his relationship with his child’s mum broke down well before she was two.

To the OP: No way would I let my three-year-old go away with an adult I hadn't even met. At such a young age I'd have to have vetted and approved said adult, and even then I probably wouldn't allow it. Three is just SO young. Has she ever been away from her mother that long?

And about the PP's first para above, I don't think a court would argue that it's in the child's best interest to go away at such a young age with non-relation in a caretaking role whom the child's mother has never met and doesn't consent to taking care of her child.

OP, think of it the other way round. What if your ex had a new partner, you had never met this man, and the two of them wanted to take your three-year-old abroad?

I don't think any three-year-old should go abroad without their mum for almost a week. They are just too young. Might be OK with a grandmother in tow, but like you said, your mum isn't going.

Yes, you're on the birth certificate and you're a parent, but you're not the only parent. You're in a co-parenting relationship with the other parent and you have to work together. You really messed up by telling this lie. I would write this one off if I were you, OP. You can take your daughter away when she's older, unless you do actually take her with your mother.

This all day.

So you’re just hoping your daughter will divulge it to your ex for you?

grow up