To think I should be able to take my daughter on holiday

[jj3457]

Hi everyone. I know some people may not like this, but I am a dad posting, just looking for some advice.

I told my ex I would like to take our daughter (3) on holiday to spain for 5 days with me and my mum.

Now this is where I messed up, and I will hold my hands up. I was dishonest when I told her I would be going with my mum. We will actually be going with my partner who my ex hasn’t met. I know this was a stupid lie but I was just worried my ex wouldn’t give consent for the holiday if she knew who was actually going.

To make matter worse, my ex has now found out that my mum is actually going to Florida for 2 weeks at the time I said she was coming to Spain with us.

My ex has messaged to say that she will not be handing over the passport until I give explicit details about the travel. I know that once I tell her I’m going with my partner she will refuse to consent. The holiday is booked and paid for.

I know I’m in the wrong for being dishonest but I am on the birth certificate and have as much right as she does to take her on the holiday. My ex has taken her abroad several times before and this is my first time.

what can I do if my ex refuses to give consent?

thanks

3 is too young to leave country without mum in my opinion. It’s obvious mum feels anxious about your caregiving if you felt the need to say your mum was going.
why not just go on holiday with your partner and avoid the stress?

If that was the case he would just have said January. 🙄

3 is very young. Maybe have a great holiday with your GF and take your daughter next year and be honest with your ex about who is going.

You're going to be going without one of them. Choose wisely!

I wonder if the mother would give a monkeys if she wanted to take her DD abroad with her boyfriend but the father objected? I’ll wait…

Right - but she’s three. By not being honest and lying yourself, you’re pretty much encouraging the child to also follow suit. That’s if you believe what he said on MN, given he’s the type of person who lies…. Can you accept that he’s now telling the truth without hesitation?

It’s not about op, it shouldn’t be about him! Poor tot in the middle of this should be prioritised! She is way too young for this ☹️

The mother hasn’t objected to him going abroad with his girlfriend, he’s lied to her and told her he’s going with his mum so she’s objected to him going without telling her who with, seen as she’s the primary carer and he’s a liar. So your comment is a bit redundant really

My son’s girlfriend was asked ‘which is your parent about me and my husband’ - she was 18 🤣🤣

They do both look pretty young, but the lady at immigration had her passport so could see she was 18. I put it down to them checking she wasn’t being trafficked.

@jj3457 I actually think you’re getting a lot of negativity on this post. You’re right, probably not the best place to post.

I can definitely see why you lied. I actually think it’s pretty shit if your ex blocks the holiday, if it was her going with her new partner she wouldn’t have to ask you. All the people commenting about the sleeping arrangements - I bet mum wouldn’t have to discuss this with her ex if it was the other way around.

I am really routing for you, you and your partner could have had a relaxing week together both BOTH of you wanted your daughter there I think that’s lovely and I hope your ex considers this - although I don’t think you should have to ask permission.

Good luck, I’m routing for you. 🤞🏻

Arseholes like you are why women can’t trust their children with their dads.

This! My thoughts exactly. I can see why he’s lied to be honest! I feel sorry for him.

It’s rooting. Routing means finding them a way, like on a journey,

plus this man sees his child 4 nights a month. The mother had them 27 nights. His say is minimal.

Whilst your ex has no right to withhold the passport you are kidding yourself massively.

Where you see “I was silly lying” she sees “He’s such a fucking liar, and you can’t believe any of the shit that comes out of his mouth”. Worse than that she knows you’re a coward because you will lie rather than have a difficult conversation so you lie and sneak around. Why don’t you grow up and behave like a man, rather than a lying coward.
And lastly, your new partner should be also see your lying and go “When are you going to stop pretending?”

Who’s tipped the bitter dads brigade off🙄

If she saw so little of them then yes of course. If she doesn't do 50/50 and first holiday abroad includes her boyfriend too rather than just the two of them spending time together.

He told her it would be a family holiday with his mum, the child's gran. Clearly he's put his girlfriend in step mother role or how would they have such a great relationship when he himself is hardly ever with his child? And why would she want to go on holiday with her boyfriend's child of they weren't acting like a family? His girlfriend isn't going to be in a separate bedroom is she?

I'm a solo mum and no way in the world would I let that happen.

You’re definitely a disgruntled dad🤣

Anyway, there’s a middle ground between asking for her permission and being a decent, honest dad…

For sure. He has her 4 nights a month. Or about 10-11% of the total time. He hardly knows her

You don't think a dad should know if his child is sharing a bedroom with an unrelated male? Seriously?

What the hell?

I am certainly not! I’m a woman with two young children.

I absolutely do but he wouldn’t get told was my point.

update, you can’t have a differing opinion to them. You apparently get accused of being a man.

Your comment is hilarious by the way!

Absolutely nothing about what the OP has posted suggests his ex wouldn't be open with him about any new relationships or upon introducing a new partner in the future to their child.

A shame the OP can't offer the same consideration. Although I'm still interested in why when he spends so little time with his daughter she spends so much time with this new partner.

He has her about 14% of the time, assuming 48 hours. On to of that he has her for the day every other week.

Plenty of grandparents spend much less than that with their grandchildren, still know them well, and some take them off for holidays too