To think I should be able to take my daughter on holiday

[jj3457]

Hi everyone. I know some people may not like this, but I am a dad posting, just looking for some advice.

I told my ex I would like to take our daughter (3) on holiday to spain for 5 days with me and my mum.

Now this is where I messed up, and I will hold my hands up. I was dishonest when I told her I would be going with my mum. We will actually be going with my partner who my ex hasn’t met. I know this was a stupid lie but I was just worried my ex wouldn’t give consent for the holiday if she knew who was actually going.

To make matter worse, my ex has now found out that my mum is actually going to Florida for 2 weeks at the time I said she was coming to Spain with us.

My ex has messaged to say that she will not be handing over the passport until I give explicit details about the travel. I know that once I tell her I’m going with my partner she will refuse to consent. The holiday is booked and paid for.

I know I’m in the wrong for being dishonest but I am on the birth certificate and have as much right as she does to take her on the holiday. My ex has taken her abroad several times before and this is my first time.

what can I do if my ex refuses to give consent?

thanks

Incorrect - hysterical response

Agree with @Hoops123 as to the legal position, by the way.

Not sure why you keep repeating yourself, there is no court involved in this situation right now. And he’s only said less than a week, so he may not have time. He hardly sounds motivated to fight for his daughter anyway

The issue is going to be the lack of parental involvement and experience he has, as well as the lies and deceit. The child is too young to take any risks. The court will take the child’s safety into account, as a priority,

As I have said, he does have time. The courts can sometimes issue an SIO on the same day in situations like this.

OP has asked what he can do if his ex refuses to consent to the holiday. The answer involves the courts.

It's not a safeguarding issue.

It's a 'being a dick' issue, I'll grant you, but that's neither here nor there legally.

What do you mean a 'safeguarding issue'

Well you need to put on your but big pants and do the right thing, let your ex know that you now have a gf and have introduced her to your daughter and how/if the relationship is serious etc.

Your only option where is to come clean and try to convince her, you already know that you handled this poorly and messed up.

No, that will not be an issue. This isn't a parent with no contact suddenly wanting to take their child out of the country. It is a parent who sees their child every weekend, with her staying with him for one night every other weekend. The child's safety matters, but there is nothing there that suggests he or his girlfriend pose a credible risk.

He hasn't told his ex that he even has a girlfriend, let alone that this person has been spending time with her for 18 months so assuming that hes not a complete idiot he will have atleast know her for 6 months before introducing her so yes hes been hiding a girlfriend and keeping her a secret for years.

I’ve explained what I mean right there in my post, read it? I don’t care if you don’t agree, but it does say the whole opinion right there.

Is her parent but sees her every other weekend… does that count? My kids see their grandparents/aunts/uncles more frequently than he sees his own child. Taking her away for 5 days with some women he has lied about and asked his child to lie about…..I wouldn’t trust him? Sounds like the kind of person who would leave child in the room alone or forget to watch her in the pool.

Ah yes, the Courts, who in their infinite wisdom frequently grant 50/50 custody to abusive men so that they can continue coercively controlling their ex partner through the medium of the children while also saving themselves cms payments, because of course, mens' so-called 'rights,' trump childrens' wellbeing every time don't they?

You don't know that. @jj3457 Lied and said his mum was going on holiday, for all any of us know he has to stay at his mum's with child when he has her overnight and he's not allowed unsupervised overnights. The only thing we know is he is not the resident parent and he has lied and tried to take the child out of the country by deceit.

We won't ever know because he's either not genuine or has taken a strop with the answers and won't be back.

Looks like you’ll have to leave daughter with mum. You’ll have to get a specific issue court order, which won’t be done within one week.

This is good.

Cafcass would likely advise the court regarding appropriate access moving forwards but lying about who is accompanying him on holiday is not a safeguarding issue unless it is someone who poses a risk to the child.
Lack of involvement doesn't revoke the child's right to spend time with the father. Unless there is a potential kidnapping risk by taking the child abroad, the courts may allow this.
The father can also allow his child to be looked after by anyone he regards as appropriate when in his care without the mums permission whether she likes it or not!

It’s literally in the OP.

I told my ex I would like to take our daughter (3) on holiday to spain for 5 days with me and my mum.
Now this is where I messed up, and I will hold my hands up. I was dishonest when I told her I would be going with my mum. We will actually be going with my partner who my ex hasn’t met. I know this was a stupid lie

He states he never asked her to lie.

I doubt court will rush a 5 day trip to Spain though fast. It’s not a long expensive holiday it’s not a dying relative aboard. It’s not a known vindictive ex.

It’s a my ex gave permission then found out I lied about the trip now wants more info before she will give permission again.

In theory all the op needs to do is give the ex the info and she might well say ok go ahead then. Maybe she just doesn’t trust him alone aboard with the child and would be fine with the new gf. Who knows.

But he states he has lied.

Your doubts are misplaced. The holiday starts in a few days time. If an SIO is not issued quickly, it will be useless. So yes, the courts would rush this through if he makes an emergency application.

You've had a real hammering on here OP and a lot of it is unfair criticism from posters who have clearly been hurt by shit partners and fathers of their children - your contact days and time have no bearing on whether you can take your own daughter on holiday or not, you don't have to get clearance from your ex to have a new girlfriend or introduce her to your daughter, and it's definitely not a 'safeguarding issue' for you to take your daughter on holiday with her.

But, as you well know, you have been MONUMENTALLY, almost unfathomably stupid and immature to lie about this and expect a) to be able to go on the holiday in the first place b) to keep it a secret from your ex.

Have some empathy for your daughter for a second - you can't possibly think it's appropriate to expect her to lie about who she's spent a week on holiday with? Can you imagine how conflicted, guilty and uncomfortable that will make a child feel?

And what was your plan when she said something about it? Deny it? Put on a Cheshire Cat grin and try to style it out? Hide from your ex and hope she calmed down? Blame it on your daughter?

Honestly, you've behaved absolutely despicably towards your daughter here and you really need to treat this as a reset moment to grow up, stop telling stupid lies, try to imagine a consequence more than five minutes into the future, and take more care of your daughter's feelings.

And 'I never asked her to lie', come on mate. You haven't outright asked but you clearly expect her to, and I wouldn't at all be surprised if you've hinted she should keep the secret

Just tell her the truth, the most you resist the most suspicious she would get, at the end of the day you lied badly already and I’m sure your new relationship is no secret to her if your 3 year old can speak.

The problem is that, if you don’t put in writing that 1) it is a holiday and 2) when are you picking her up and when you are returning her. If you do not have a residence order already (most people don’t have them) any parent can retain the child for much longer and become the “resident parent” so don’t be an arse or you may end up like someone I know who did the same and ended up in a big pickle in court.

That shit that people keep parroting about “my child, my time, none of your business” has serious repercussions when you are trying to get a child out of the country. Your only chance to get that passport is to be open about your plans. It could also save you £1000s in solicitor fees.

It is possible OP is lying to us. However, if he has told us the whole truth about his contact with his daughter, I do know that his alleged lack of involvement and experience will not be an issue, which is the suggestion to which I was replying.