To think I should be able to take my daughter on holiday

[jj3457]

Hi everyone. I know some people may not like this, but I am a dad posting, just looking for some advice.

I told my ex I would like to take our daughter (3) on holiday to spain for 5 days with me and my mum.

Now this is where I messed up, and I will hold my hands up. I was dishonest when I told her I would be going with my mum. We will actually be going with my partner who my ex hasn’t met. I know this was a stupid lie but I was just worried my ex wouldn’t give consent for the holiday if she knew who was actually going.

To make matter worse, my ex has now found out that my mum is actually going to Florida for 2 weeks at the time I said she was coming to Spain with us.

My ex has messaged to say that she will not be handing over the passport until I give explicit details about the travel. I know that once I tell her I’m going with my partner she will refuse to consent. The holiday is booked and paid for.

I know I’m in the wrong for being dishonest but I am on the birth certificate and have as much right as she does to take her on the holiday. My ex has taken her abroad several times before and this is my first time.

what can I do if my ex refuses to give consent?

thanks

You shouldn't have lied but I can understand why.
Tell you ex the truth now and if she still withholds consent, apply for an emergency court hearing.
You should be able to take your DD away for a short break, just as your ex has.

No. But legally you don't have a right to take the children out of the country without her permission. So it's a matter of negotiation.

Do you have a child arrangements order?

He does need either her permission or a crt order to take the child abroad, doing so without a crt order or mothers consent is child abduction

How long have you been separated?

You've done yourself favours when just reading your OP, but then your further comments just cement things further.

🙄🤦

Responding as have male family member seperated from (ex) wife and have been going through courts, so am familiar with legal advice he has been given... can only share what hes told me he was told and im not legally trained. This is relevent to us living in UK so apologies if you live elsewhere.

If 2 people have PR (birth mum automatically does, dad if like you said you are on Birth cert) then each parent needs the consent of the other to take child abroad. Not having consent from other parent (applies to mum and dad) and taking child abroad is considered child abduction under uk law. This is unless there is a court order re child arrangements that states one / each parent is entitled to x number abroad holidays a year with child.

If you think one parent wont consent / hand over passport you can apply to family court for an emergency specific issue order.

This said if mum contests the specific issue order which is her right, then court will make a decision based on best interests of child.

And no, mum isnt entitled to know who you are going away with, nor is she able to say who your daughter can / cant spend time with when she is with you, nor can you wjen she is with mum. You could both only object if there are safeguarding concerns, and again this could be an issue for court if either parent disagrees.

This is all very 'legally' but as a mum I would personally feel uncomfortable with letting my child go after the lie. It appears from what you said, mum has more contact with daughter. I know that in UK its automatically 50/50 custody unless either parent a) doesnt want their 50% or b) a court has ruled otherwise. Its likely court would consider this in a specific issue case too, and Courts prefer you try and resolve these things where possible outside of court.

Would your new partner meet your ex with you and without child so she can at least meet who you propse your daughter holidays with? Again she has no legal right to, but as a mum personally id appreciate this as part of a healthy co parenting relationship.

Seek legal advice. Not here.

Yes, some clueless posts on here 🙄

It is utterly irrelevant whether it is the mother or father taking their child out of the country.
You absolutely DO need consent from the other parent. And it is better to take birth certificates AND have the consent notarised.

The letter of consent nust include travel dates and the address of the accommodation in full.

Ah okay. Anyway, 2 overnights and 2 day visits a month. And yes, you're absolutely right.

What were the circumstances of your break up?

This sounds like pretty awful co-parenting and your focus should really be about getting to a better place. You have another 15 years of this and your daughter is going to suffer if you can't become more cooperative.

How is he 'hiding' his girlfriend? His ex has absolutely no rights to be told all of his personal business, especially as she can be difficult.

What do you mean how is he hiding her? Have you not read the OP where he pretended his mum was going instead of his girlfriend? Or the fact their daughter has been seeing the woman for over a year without telling the mum? He’s claiming she’s difficult but she’s raising his kid for him while he doesn’t and he’s the liar

Question is the ex actually difficult or does the op just lie / withhold information about everything putting the ex on edge.

Big difference between someone just out to cause shit vs constantly being on the back foot caught off guard all the time.

The same type of well I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d not be happy… asking for forgiveness rather than permission type stuff men do when they know they are going to do something to upset their partner.

Indeed! Staggering that it needed to be explained really.

Not unless there is a court order specifically saying you do. Shes as much your daughter as hers and she has no legal right (normally) to know a single thing about what you do on your time

Why don’t you have a 50/50 arrangement already op?

Id question if she is "difficult" or not and if she is why because this man is a walking red flag

like many immature fathers, I imagine one night in 14 suits him very well. And they’re always the first to whinge when the primary parent (who actually carries the load of parenting rather than the odd babysitting shift) dares to make a decision not in the dad’s favour

Lying is completely unacceptable and this is a serious one. You really aren't building a good co-parenting relationship.

That poster said Hold on a minute you've been hiding a girlfriend for years. I mean, that's just not true is it?

I know that our daughter has mentioned my gf to my ex so I’m sure she is aware

Because GF can only parent at weekends?

Well it’s at least a year and a half that he’s been having the girlfriend around their daughter while deliberately not telling her… are you really being pedantic over potentially a few months and assuming he introduced the girlfriend to DD straight away?

She's been spending time with the child since last January and he's not told the child mother about it. What would you call it if not hiding her from the ex?

Assuming he actually waited a few months before introducing GF to toddler child and she has been regularly (eow) seeing the child for 18 months, it's been a couple of years give or take a minute.