AIBU to think school giving out awards to exceptional children is unfair?

[Bigears6789]

Year 6 leavers assembly, some children were invited beforehand to a private invite only special awards ceremony for exceptional achievements. They then stood up and showed their awards at the general leavers assembly. Does this seem unfair? I felt for all the children who didn’t get a special award.

YABU - this is normal for a leavers assembly
YANBU - this is unfair

When my eldest left primary she was one of 3 out of 20 who didn’t get any kind of award. The teachers evidently didn’t like her and I was so angry that they allowed 3 to go unrecognised. She didn’t even notice to be honest, which i was pleased about.

My school does a very small certificate for each yr6 leaver, which they get by voting for peers in class - most likely to be PM, best singer, etc and they create distinct categories to ensure every child is recognised on their leaving day but no one leaves with a massive silver cup which all too often has the potential to award natural skill and talent and not graft and grit.

I voted YABU. This is nuts! Where does it end?
This has always been a thing. Children need to learn resilience.
Do your best, if it’s great, you might get an award. If not , try better next time!
It didn’t do our generation(s) any harm.
You can’t stop doing everything because someone somewhere will feel inadequate.

It is important to celebrate achievements but I do understand that some schools give the same pupils awards year after year. I’m now in a position I can nominate students for awards and I try to consider all aspects of college life

Of course YABU. It's given it to represent talent alongside hard work to cultivate that skill.

My son got an award in year 6 as he was incredibly talented in maths and science and worked hard to better himself, improve himself and be the best. He deserves it, there were a lot of unremarkable and also downright unpleasant children who were vastly jealous of his academic prowess.

I was just thinking this.

My son's primary school gives an end of year award to one boy and one girl in each class at the end of each year.

It's for academic achievements, but also hard work, setting an example, overcoming challenges etc.

My son got one and he's autistic.

I can guarantee that this primary school will not give any of the Year 6 leavers the same award next year.

I haven't read the comments but wanted to say I agree with your perspective. . If a child isn't learning they're not stupid and it's not their fault. Generational poverty, systemic issues, and problems at home effect learning! It's not really something children can just try a bit harder at. It's like saying here's a reward that your learning is not impacted by those things.

I teach primary. I don’t accept that children will have been jealous of your child’s academic prowess. Kids are naturally, wonderfully accepting of all difference, positive and negative, if this culture is taught and cultivated.

From the tone of your post, I suspect your son may have taken his lead from you and thought he was ‘better’ than others rather than just different. In my class, I’d have cultivated this attitude out and worked on his humility and friendships. Maybe he also had teachers who favoured and awarded natural talent rather than seeing that talent is and can only be cultivated by the advantaged.

I agree with you OP 100% - all four of my kids are bright and at top of the class. They have received these awards - I've actually pointed it out to the school that it ignores the fact they come from a middle school home with parents who back education and are involved and engaged in it. It often isn't effort alone that helps the bright kids, it is extra resources and opportunities other kids don't have. They are usually awards for middle class kids. And it is always the same kids who don't get them.

One of my kids schools are great, they celebrate effort rather than achievement. It is fantastic to see kids strengths in academic and non academic spheres recognised.

Not all boats are equal and awards often reward privilege!

I was one of the kids who got the academic awards at school. I knew it was unfair as it rewarded privilege and talent rather than hard work. The huge academic focus at the school gave us all issues one way or another. In my view it's enough to know you're doing well from your grades or from your sports performance etc etc. I think awards should be for the people who've genuinely overcome something difficult or made a big improvement through sheer hard work.

They were horrible bullies. Jealousy from the parents as well when he was getting special treatment and additional work.

He was better than them. By miles. I let him know that the only reason they were mean to him was because they were jealous of him. He made sure to let them know that as well.

He went to the top grammar, these kids went to the local comprehensive.

Schools always used to hold a prize giving and it’s motivating for those who win prizes. My dad is 80 and still has his father’s copy of The Complete Works of Shakespeare won at a school prizegiving in the 1920s!

We no longer revere achievement in the same way, which probably accounts for the general direction of travel of the country.

Your school has found a really good solution to not bore the other children (now that they can no longer be expected to sit still for an hour) yet still recognise achievement.

Life is unfortunately not fair, and perhaps this is a gentle introduction to that fact?

Incidentally when I was at school in the 70s and 80s there were no prizegivings so they seem to have come back?

Sometimes the very bright people at work are the most difficult to develop and cause more problems than they solve - they arrive with a belief that they are exceptional, better that everyone else, believing others who are less exceptional have little of significance to contribute, they are poor at collaborating - they don't see the need - they can cause a lot of dysfunction in teams, their brilliant minds need to be handled very carefully so as to avoid a trail of destruction - it can be exhausting dealing with them. However when those brilliant academic minds have humility and emotional intelligence they can be the golden ticket.
Be careful of the message you send to your young person - you are in danger of setting him up as someone who is totally brilliant but with a very poor attitude - and if you do, he will never reach his potentional.

I don’t think its unfair, it would be unfair to award a child thats worked very hard with the same as a child that couldn’t be bothered, how would that encourage children to do their best?
My son recently got a reward day at school for “outstanding effort, commitment, and contribution to our school community.” And another one for “superb commitment to sport at school, and in recognition of all their hard work and dedication,” they basically set up bouncy castles in the school field etc and invite the kids who have done well through the school year and it definitely encourages the kids to want to do their best for those events, its not just about their academic achievements, my DD is SEND, and not very academic but she also was invited for hot chocolate with the headteacher for “in recognition of her exceptional kindness and positive contributions to our school community, Their acts of kindness have not gone unnoticed, and we believe its important to acknowledge and celebrate them.”

I think there probably needs to be some effort to see the good in each child and find a way of celebrating it. Exceptional awards ceremony for the elite could perhaps be acknowledged as existing but maybe don't then repeat it at the one for hoi polloi.

My (AuDHD) son's experience of school awards was Reception, Year 1 and a bit over half of Year 2 where at weekly assembly, two children were selected from each year group to get a certificate. There were 16 children in his class and 20 in the other class.

He got one certificate ever, the day he left to be homeschooled, saying "Congratulations! for... You're leaving!" - not even signed by his teachers.

Same assembly the mother of the class pet was there saying coyly "Oh, it's a bit embarrassing, Nora's getting her 15th certificate for the year". That was in week 22 of the year. They celebrated sport, executive function and social maturity. Never academic prowess because that would be unfair, and never bothered finding things to celebrate about the kids who wouldn't otherwise get a certificate for anything.

Its reasonable to celebrate exceptional achievements they've worked hard and deserve it. At my childs school other awards can often recognise achievements in SEN kids or children that are less academic such as sports awards , most improved. Tried their hardest etc and I do think those kids should be rewarded as well to make their effort recognised not just ability.

You don’t sound like a nice person. It seems to have rubbed off your child.

Going to a grammar school, or getting good grades, doesn’t make you ‘better’ than anyone else. You seem to think it does and your child will have learned that. No wonder no one liked him, poor kid.

I would be happy for them just because my child doesn't get an award doesnt mean the world revolves aroubd them I can love my child and be happy for others, I treat it like being a mature intelligent adult myself

Dd realised this very early on

They gave out chocolate buttons if you were able to write your name and were on the table that had all the children who struggled with reading and writing

Dd was eventually diagnosed with dyslexia and adhd but she lapped up all the chocolate buttons she could pretending that certain things were difficult and how much effort she was putting into reading and writing.
Reading only clicked just before she started year 2

Around certain areas you can get into the “top grammar” by living near by

Don’t know why you are looking down your nose at Comprehensives. In some areas that is all there is and they stream the classes.

Much prefer the comprehensive education model than the old grammar/secondary modern.
The latter had huge issues given the final say of who went and who didn’t get in was down to the H/T

I think there is no issue as long as the awards are not solely looking at academic achievements. Every child has the ability to win an award in some context be it academic, behaviour, sport, art, drama, music, being kind, being helpful, doing something exceptional in any way.
Equally some (and I include myself in this when I was at school) would find the whole awards thing utterly mortifying and wouldn’t want to stick their head above the parapet and receive an award.

Oh dear, a lot to unpack here.

Parenting tip: don't forget to teach your children social and communication skills. If you can't pass them on yourself, e.g through role modelling and how you deal with your dc's ups and downs, there may be support available.

Do you think exceptional achievements should remain unacknowledged?

Don't see why not!. There was nothing like that when I left primary school 60-odd years ago. What you don't have you don't miss. The only thing given out was swimming certificates at various levels and not it was throughout the year as and when these were taken.

You’re making an assumption here based on stereotypes. Many SEN children are incredibly academically gifted.

As a former “exceptional” kid, who was top of the class and always won these awards, I agree with you. I didn’t do anything to deserve all the praise, it’s just the way I was born. I heard things, and they stuck in my memory. To me, being praised for my intelligence is like being praised for my eye colour. In fact, I was quite a lazy child, because I never had to try hard. Likewise, thick kids can’t help being thick. I think praising effort and attitude is much better.