AIBU to think school giving out awards to exceptional children is unfair?

[Bigears6789]

Year 6 leavers assembly, some children were invited beforehand to a private invite only special awards ceremony for exceptional achievements. They then stood up and showed their awards at the general leavers assembly. Does this seem unfair? I felt for all the children who didn’t get a special award.

YABU - this is normal for a leavers assembly
YANBU - this is unfair

I was in primary school in the 70s and we had a prize day every year. As a shy, quiet boy it was really uplifting to win a prize 4 years out of 5. It gave me the confidence that working hard would be recognised

No they haven't.

All I can see so far is that they feel sorry for the kids who didn't get them.

But nothing about why it's unfair?

Simply feeling sorry for kids in this situation doesn't make anything unfair.

Well they wouldn't be "special" awards if everyone got them, would they?

I don't think it's a good idea to teach children that putting in effort isn't worthwhile, or that their achievements won't be noticed or rewarded. I'm all for children being recognised when they perform well, and I don't think kids should have to hide their successes from others.

That being said, I do think bragging is a terrible thing to do. If that is what happened at your child's school, then I absolutely think the behaviour should be addressed. But no, I don't think children should be expected to stay quiet about their achievements or hide their awards to protect the feelings of those who didn't receive one.

As a child who did well in school, I remember that students like me often came second to the more disruptive kids who struggled in class and constantly required the teachers' attention. Let high-performing children have this one thing without turning it into another situation where everything has to revolve around the students who already receive the majority of the attention on a daily basis.

YABU, this is how life is and especially in year 6 children should be exposed to how the real world treats them. People are rarely praised for being mediocre

I think its a great idea. Gives bright, sporty etc children recognition. Better that than just teaching children that mediocrity will get them somewhere.

100%

And it's the same in our school. Those who just put their heads down and get on with it, stretch themselves or, sadly, read a book while everyone else gets on with it because they breezed through the work and there's nothing left for them to do, no available staff to 'stretch' them ... get nothing in terms of recognition prizes or awards throughout most of their primary school years. And they watch the children that can't be arsed, chn who need support that get it (while othing 'extra' is provided for the higher achievers to do), chn with behaviour problems happily disrupting everyone else, and yes, chn with special needs, be handed bribes and treats and privileges during classtime, at break/lunchtimes and recognition left, right and centre day in and day out ... while they languish quietly in the back of the classrooms and at playtimes without any of those treats, care and attention.

My own son when he was 7 told me bluntly he could be pupil of the week whenever he wanted to be: all he needed to do was behave badly for a week, then be good the next week, and bam, he'd get it. Because that's what they do with the naughty kids. But he was too well behaved to do that thank goodness.

Chn see the unfairness of it all. I'm glad they at least get recognised at the end of it all before they head off to secondary. Because it happens again all over throughout their secondary years ... and yes, there is an awards ceremony for those achieving chn at the end of that, too, in the local secondaries, thank goodness.

The school was a bit shit because that's not normal.

If kids don't get price or award for being the top students in a specific subject, in fairness there's only 1 award, most school have student of the week or month, pick top students for competitions with other schools (they can decline, it's a not a punishment), invite the top students to some special outing ..

Plenty of way so all high achievers are at least recognised, even if they don't quite make first place.

It's still only school, a bit of encouragement doesn't hurt.

I bet those children will have had all sorts of recognition over their school careers. There was recent thread where a parent was anxious that her DS hadn't received a "Star of the Week" certificate and it was very near the end of term. She wascon erned that because he is quiet and well-behaved he had been overlooked. Maybe your school was just addressing that.

It was both primary and secondary. They said it was because she didn’t “try”. She got the best GCSEs and A levels in the school/college.

My DD never got any recognition in primary, in fact nothing till year 10, when she was awarded outstanding achievement in performing arts. When it came it was far more special because she had waited.

YABU.

My niece is top of her class for both English and maths. She got given awards for both in the end of year assembly.

But every other child got given some sort of academic award. Even “getting more spellings right at the end of the year compared to the start” - total rubbish and not really worth celebrating. It meant that her proper achievement felt devalued and she doesn’t even want to display the certificates because she doesn’t feel proud of them.

Why are we constantly devaluing the achievements of children to make others feel better?

I actually hate the whole thing. You either have the naughty group who they give the awards to to encourage them or you have the teachers pet brigade. If you are middle of the road, get your head down, great attendance, great behaviour you get f all.

I'm curious why you think dc with SEN don't get these kinds of awards? Both of my SEN dc often did. In fact given the ridiculous hyper focus many SEN dc have for their favorite things I think they can sometimes have an advantage, even if they struggle with other things.

Of all the insane things I’ve read on here this is the most insane. Congratulations.

Firstly, my child is SEN and just scored 120/120/120 on the SATS which according to Google puts them in the top 0.1% of kids nationally. Having SEN doesn't preclude you from being exceptional. Sometimes it makes you exceptional. So there is that.

Secondly, my DC has never once (despite the academic achievements - this is not a private prep - this is a small village school) had an award for being exceptionally bright. Our school give out awards for "trying" but, as the DC told the headmaster in Year 1, it's not DCs fault they don't need to try.

There are prizes for sport, for progress and for effort. It discourages the academics if you ask me. So no, I don't think prizes should be banned. All children's achievements should be celebrated - whether academic, social, sporting, music or arts - and we shouldn't be afraid to acknowledgment academic achievement because it might make other children feel bad.

Not sure if it’s completely the point of the thread but my teen DS has Dyslexia and AuDHD and has received several awards for high achievement over his senior school years including English and Art.. So not sure you should feel sorry for those children with SEN who didn’t get one because how do you know they didn’t? You’d have no clue with my DS.

Not unfair at all I’m relieved to see that some schools are moving away from the all must have prizes nonsense, and are recognising and rewarding hard work, talent and application.

Nice stealth boast btw…

Is it possible, that not winning an award might spur someone to make more effort, work harder, strive to attain that prize?

There will always be some people who get their heads down, do the right thing and never get recognition. There will be some who can’t be bothered and don’t get recognition. There will be some who achieve highly and consistently and some who struggle.

Are we really saying we shouldn’t encourage and celebrate achievements of all types? Not everyone can be a genius, or stellar athlete or outstanding thespian. Surely that doesn’t mean that we don’t celebrate those that are.

I kind of get what you mean about children with sen. I have a child who has sen /autism. His big achievement could be he wrote a whole sentence on his own. That seems like a small thing but its not to my Ds.

It would be nice if he was awarded. But he's not. I have told my children they can't aways have what others have. But i do check to see if they are they are the only ones missed out. And they never have been.

But also my ds are not bothered abour that kind of thing. Maybe I would be saying different if they were.

if they didn't even bother recognising that she had the top marks, hats off to her to keep going because it must be disheartening after a while.

I know you are not supposed to study for rewards yada yada yada, but I have seen most schools giving out passes and little prices with the rewards, so it stings after awhile if you never get anything

I think it is a good idea for children who have put in an outstanding effort in a certain area. I say that as the Mother of a child who had significant special needs. Hopefully this will have included children across all abilities. If it didn't, I can see your point a bit.

What I found a bit more galling was during my son's secondary school career a group of children were called into a special meeting to explain they would be given an enhanced school experience because they were considered to be elite. A bunch of them never acknowledged children with learning difficulties, they had been friends with since primary school, from that point on.

My DCs school have a prize giving evening at the end of every year, 3 from each year group plus 4 for special awards for behaviour etc (they’re usually from year 6). I think they’re really good as the school are great at picking the kids that go unnoticed all year long as they’re well behaved and rarely cause a fuss and it gives them a chance to be celebrated and their good behaviour and attitude is recognised.

My DC got one this year, she is always well behaved, brilliant parents evening and reports that say how she’s always on task. But throughout the year she notices the other children getting star of the week etc and being praised for their good behaviour that week and even though she has autism and a lot of social stuff goes over her head she still notices that her good behaviour gets overlooked so it was really nice for her to be recognised and she was so proud of herself. I do think this only works in schools who make a point of recognising the kids who are doing the right thing though, I could see why it would be frustrating otherwise.

Because attending school and being well behaved is the bare minimum that should be expected of children. Why would you reward a child for doing the minimum?

Real life is unfair though! Children have to learn to cope with highs and lows and to be pleased and proud of the winners. They can’t all get an award as it would completely take away the value!