AIBU to think school giving out awards to exceptional children is unfair?

[Bigears6789]

Year 6 leavers assembly, some children were invited beforehand to a private invite only special awards ceremony for exceptional achievements. They then stood up and showed their awards at the general leavers assembly. Does this seem unfair? I felt for all the children who didn’t get a special award.

YABU - this is normal for a leavers assembly
YANBU - this is unfair

Ha … in my son’s school it’s the SEN kids that “win” everything. The raffles, the big Easter eggs, the cinema tickets, the special days out with their “carers” I.e a brother of sister. It’s the non-SEN ones I feel sorry for … my son has given up ever thinking he’s going to win anything there!

Isn't this representative of life?

I am torn on this.

I do feel it important kids that have done well and behaved well are recognised, yiu don’t know what else is going on, some may come from broken homes, abuse, everything, just like all students. However I don’t think it’s right some get nothing, where is the incentive to do well. It’s all good saying you can’t give everyone something / lack of resilience, but actually I wonder sometimes at yr6 if a little perk up might make a difference to some.

I have dyslexia, dyscalculia and dyspraxia and never won an award at school. I literally couldn’t have cared less and now at 28 it hasn’t effected me in the slightest, the kids will be fine

You are not being unreasonable, some children are never going to succeed in the education system that is designed the way it is. Awards like this tend to accentuate the differences between those who win the awards and those with SEND needs for example and it will really affect their self -esteem. I think if you do awards, then do one for everyone, whether it be for kindness, being a good friend, making others laugh etc. Everyone has their strengths, it's not right to make primary age children feel like failures.

Yeah let’s just go with the lowest common denominator and not reward excellence in case the other kids feel inadequate.

Just my two cents...
One of my DC has SEN, the other hasn't.
My DC without SEN got a special award recently that only a few children in the school got, and I was quite cross when a friend with NT DC - who has become increasingly braggy about her kids of late - suggested to me that those of us who had kids who got the special award (hers didn't) should probably have a word with the school that it wasn't fair on the others.
For someone who has seen how hard we've had it at times, and how much interaction I've needed to have with the school regarding my child with SEN, I was pretty miffed that she felt it appropriate to try to take the shine off something my other child had received.
I'm sure if you look at the school overall, children get recognised for all sorts of different things so most if not all will get a chance to shine during their time there.

True - it is more complicated than my post suggests. I have two autistic children and they would have measured highly on the compassion and care for others front but would have struggled with leadership. These were just examples of a range of useful traits and of course could be broadened to value other strengths. SEN kids are often amazingly resilient when you think about the struggles they go through compared to their peers - that's worth celebrating I think.

And yeah not all kids have a home life that encourages these traits but they can learn - that's my point. Many kids have a better shot at developing these characteristics through modelling and mentoring than excelling academically or in sports because genetics play a larger role in IQ and sporting prowess than in shaping behaviour which is more down to environment.

And the kudos thing - yeah, that's a culture shift that won't be achieved easily at secondary level - doesn't mean it can't be done though. It's a bit like the initiatives in grass roots sports to encourage good sportsmanship, particularly when things go wrong, and places the emphasis on learning from mistakes and working as a team. It's a more holistic approach to being a good athlete rather than the focus on winning at any cost because it teaches self control and empathy for teammates.

What do you think the school should have done op?
I don’t think it’s fair not to celebrate someone’s achievements because it might upset someone else.
Teaching children that hard work and achieving goals is important, this should not be downplayed.
This is the reason we have a generation with no resilience, they’ve been shielded from any disappointment and can not cope in the real world when they realise not everything sunshine and flowers

You know that SEN kids are of all abilities and are often very capable in other areas and often excel.

You sound really patronising here tbh.

My y4 dd won an end of year award that usually (not exclusively) goes to a y6 and a few parents moaned about it. The fact was that she had led a team that not only won, but won with an unprecedented score, which had been achieved because she had single handedly arranged and led training at lunch and after school. I couldn't be more proud of her, but overhearing certain parents bitching about a deserving y4 being recognised over a y6 (who had not achieved anything exceptional, but also participated in the same activity) took the shine off a little. Talented people who work hard for their achievements should be acknowledged.

And this post encompasses everything that is wrong with the world! We live in a world where children are taught that everyone wins thus the cries of 'it's not fair' constantly ring out!! Exceptional achievement was rewarded in a private setting then celebrate by all later on. This is totally fair!
Well done to the school for additionally celebrating the best of the best with an extra prize. Far too often those who always do the right thing, always follow the rules etc etc watch those who don't being rewarded for the very minor of things, yet are not rewarded themselves.

Having prizes at school providing not just in one category (say academic or sporting) not only rewards excellence and effort, but helps in building resilience for those who on that occasion are unsuccessful.

I'm with those advocating a small number. Where I think for the OPs DC the school got it wrong was the separate ceremony beforehand.

I can see where you're coming from. But it wouldn't be fair to not recognise their achievements would it?

My daughter goes to a stage school and when they do their summer / Xmas shoes, some children get awards at the end.it is sad for the ones that don't, but it's life. I know for a fact my daughter doesn't try very hard in the lessons, so she doesn't get one, and why should she tbh 😂

Schools generally spend most of primary school consciously rewarding lower attainers/children with SEN, and deliberately not rewarding higher attainers.

Is it really so bad that just once these kids got a little recognition?

A bit dramatic. Everything that's wrong with the world!? If only.

To be honest it’s odd that those children didn’t just got their awards at the normal leavers assembly - that’s what happened when my children finished year 6.

my eldest was at a tiny school (12 in his year group), and about 50% of the children got an award, maybe slightly fewer.

my youngest was at a slightly bigger prep (class of 20), and there were just 2 end of year prizes for sports and for ‘boy of the year’.

At my children’s primary school, they gave awards for all of the year 6 leavers. Some would be related to educational achievements but there was also fun ones and ones related to all sorts of talents, being funny or kind, full of facts or good at singing etc. It showed the teachers really knew the children and each one of them was celebrated which was really nice as part of a leavers event.

Most high achievers in primary school do so because it is easy for them, so they don't actually have to work hard to get excellent SATs results anyway.

At my school, every week someone in each class is chosen to meet with the head and it is made very clear that we don't choose someone for one off things, but it is to recognise those children who do what is expected of them consistently.

Here come all the humblebrags

My DS's school goes one step further. Its a big school and roughly 1 in 10 get awards at prize giving. In advance of the event these children and their parents are invited to a special drinks reception (in full view of everyone else arriving) and spaces at the front of the hall are reserved for prize winner parents. After all the riff raff have sat down they get shepherded through like royalty. It doesnt sit well with me. Maybe it would if I was on the other side of things 🤔

Not a popular opinion, but I’m tired of seeing schools trying to give every child an award for something.
Some kids perform better than others, and that’s okay. That’s life. They deserve to be recognised for their achievements.
I feel that kids growing up today will be so disappointed when they enter the workforce and realise that not everyone gets promoted every time and there is no recognition for just working 😂

Why are we still teaching our kids that getting star of the week or an attendance award is the be all end all? It’s a shitty bit of paper that in 2 weeks time will mean absolutely nothing let alone impact their adult lives. Some kids get 100% attendance some kids get awards for sports maths etc it isn’t a participation award it’s for the best. My child would smash her entire class in reading hands down but wouldn’t be getting a certificate for maths anytime soon and I’ve told her that’s okay it doesn’t matter as long as she tries her best because that’s all she can do.

What a strangely cynical view!

If a child gets star of the week or whatever it means something to them in that moment and gives them confidence, understanding of the value of working hard etc.

And those small moments add up and do affect adult lives.
Imagine if we never praised or rewarded children?

I don’t think it’s unfair that they got awards, but is it weird that they had a seperate private assembly instead of just being part of the general assembly? I don’t see how it would save a lot of time if they were all getting up and showing the awards anyway. Also might have helped people to understand why they got them and motivate others if the presentation was done at the main assembly.