AIBU to think school giving out awards to exceptional children is unfair?

[Bigears6789]

Year 6 leavers assembly, some children were invited beforehand to a private invite only special awards ceremony for exceptional achievements. They then stood up and showed their awards at the general leavers assembly. Does this seem unfair? I felt for all the children who didn’t get a special award.

YABU - this is normal for a leavers assembly
YANBU - this is unfair

Life isn’t fair and rewarding non achievers so they feel like achievers achieves nothing. It’s not fair to the achievers.
If they want awards they have to earn them.
If they can’t, then the sooner they learn everyone is not equal, the better. we had a ‘most improved ‘ award so a non achiever might be rewarded for effort.

But this idea of ‘everyone’s a winner’ does not prepare them for real life..and being a parent means teaching children to prepare for real life.

My DC go to school with a minor celebrity’s daughter, one of her parents died in tragic circumstances and their other parent has gained a fair amount of publicity since. I don’t think anyone would really have known who they were if they hadn’t died given how little known they were before getting sick.

Anyway, as a result this child is treat like a celebrity and gets all of the awards. Literally attended an award ceremony and the child was asked up on stage at least 5-6 times. Most children got one or two max. My DC then said this girl had a tantrum because she didn’t get another award she really wanted…

My DD wants to try and be head girl next year but we already know who will win it so no point.

Children with SEN are also capable of exceptional achievements.

@ChiefCookandBottlewasher7 you just reminded me of the time when DS's primary school trumpeted the achievement of the school Tennis team in a local tournament. They didn't even teach tennis!

My own school scrapped all prizes the year I went,so that,for me, was one less thing to worry about. It was a selective school and I think the Head's reasoning was along the lines of we were fortunate enough already. I was not harmed and my resilience in life has been well tested in other ways.

DS1 got plenty of prizes and was mostly indifferent to them (autism probably played a part). DS2 didn't and felt anonymous,I think.Ideally the right children get prizes for the right reasons.
After many years of teaching,I know that that's not always the case.

I think my school Head probably was right to scrap them.

I think exceptional achievements should be celebrated and I think children should be encouraged to celebrate their peers.

i’m guessing Tom Parker’s kid?

this is the issue with anything that’s not purely academic achievement based.

Lol, yeah, course your DC got one. Course they did 😂

My DS1 often got awards for stuff. He's autistic and has mild learning disabilities AND to add to his struggles he wasn't motivated at all to learn anything. Yet he kept on having awards. DS2 who is academic only once had one when it was a regional maths comp. I had to tell him why ds1 kept getting awards. Luckily he didn't understand why he got them so he was happy. Otherwise he would have felt humiliated. I still don't think it's fair though.

I do see what you mean. My eldest GC finds academic work easy, she puts far less in than my eldest DD (dyslexic) or youngest DD (LDs) ever did. My youngest has worked hard to get into catering in the NHS. My youngest GC struggles and has had health issues which has meant 100% attendance and outstanding academic work is impossible. We might as well have beauty competitions.

No, even more minor to be frank. It’s kind of shocking, even a teacher has picked up on it and said to his class “look try your best but we all know who will win everything anyway” hinting at this girl…

I think it’s good that the kids who didn’t win didn’t have to sit through the secret assembly.

Exceptional kids should be celebrated more. Many schools avoid recognising this group in the quest to be more inclusive.

I never won anything at sports day but I'd always win something in our school Eisteddfod (for which we used nom de plumes) because I was better at poetry and painting than running very fast.

I think awards are a problem when they only recognise a certain type of achievement. My son's school has awards for academic achievement, sports, arts, but they also have big awards for students who embody the school's values - so stuff like kindness or resilience. I love those awards.

However, at a year 6 end of primary thing I prefer when everyone gets a prize - stick with me here - I don't mean that everyone wins so no one loses, I mean awards for specific things that make each child unique and wonderful in different ways. My nephew had "most curious mind" - he's clever but this was celebrating asking questions and sharing facts rather than who got the best results in a test. or you do "most likely to..." so you can reflect strengths and characters. You can award being a good friend, bravery, telling the best jokes, whatever.

The thing is these rewards are never going to be 100 fair and that’s what I personally have got a problem with. They don’t do this at my children’s school luckily but if they did I know my DD1 would never win an award despite having been at the top table all throughout primary and being 2nd best in the class at English and 2nd best at maths in her class. Why? Because she’s not THE best, she’s hasn’t got SEN , she hasn’t got a winning personality and her efforts are consistent so no improvement. So she doesn’t stick out. Seeing some of the comments from other people with similar children who’s never won an award confirms this.

My son knows that he’ll likely never get an academic award because he isn’t academic. That doesn’t bother him to be honest, 100% attendance awards do though. I think because at least with academic awards, you have to work for them but attendance is just pure luck.

I don’t have a problem with this honestly who cares . Life’s no crystal stair , not everyone gets an award and children have to get used to this as well I guess . I do think it’s important that it’s not just about good results and that awards go to children for other things as well though. What a ridiculous comment implying that people with SEN don’t get awards and you feel sorry for them ? Like what are you actually on about a lot of people with SEN are high achievers and don’t need your “sympathy” plus not everyone who doesn’t get an award has SEN. Ludicrous comment

@Bigears6789 , better that children learn early that life isn’t fair. Sad but true, some people have exceptional abilities. We all have ability though and the trick is not to wallow in self pity but to exploit our own talents and learn to do the best we can with whatever our parents gave to us.

Yes.

I put you are not being unreasonable because yes we should celebrate children's achievements but we also need to recognise children who while their achievements might not seem exceptional for them it is

So your child got an achievement award and now you feel sorry for the children with SEN???? Presumably an achievement award means you have actively achieved something. Don't see why that would rule out any of the children. It's positive to see hard work and results rewarded.

Bright, well-behaved kids don't get enough recognition, so I think this is great.

well its certainly better than giving the bullies an award

plus why do we celebrate pop stars, actors etc if everyone is the same ?

I thìnk it is a good thing to have academic awards as well as sports and music awards but I think there should be one other prize, which would be for the child who has made the most improvement/effort. This should not go to any of the children who have already achieved a prize.

At my son’s school there doesn’t seem to be the same ability to work hard and progress for every student. Children who are exceeding the standards will not be stretched or be able to demonstrate progress in the same way as others.

When children work hard and do well they deserve recognition. It also inspires and encourages others.