AIBU to tell my family about our separation by text now?

[UncannyGhostie]

Awkward one but AIBU?

My family (apart from my parents) don’t know that DH and I are now separated (don’t ask!) I really want to tell them now, my mum refuses and wants to tell everyone face to face. It’s been a year 😱

I really want to text my family now and tell them, my mum says it’s very rude and insists on individually speaking to everyone face to face which means many individual meetings 🙈 God knows what she will say or how long this will take.

DS birthday recently and my cousin sent Amazon parcels to the old family home. One for DS and one for both children to share which arrived late.

Ex sent me a picture of the opened package today, do you think he should have handed it to me as it was from my family? Or waited til both children were together? The one whose birthday it was is with me today.

I would have handed it to him if something had been delivered to mine as it wouldn’t be my place to open it. Also shame the youngest didn’t have the chance to open it with his sibling?

or am I being silly? It was a chocolate hamper 😋

Yes, I know the bigger issue is the fact my family have no clue that we have separated 😱

Dear Family,

Hope you're well! Just a quick note to say my address is now 1 Freedom Street, Happy Lane, London. In case you haven't heard, this is because DH and I are now separated. We are all doing well.

Mum, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve told the wider family I’ve left my husband. I know this is difficult for you and that you may feel embarrassed or ashamed, but this is my life and my decision to share. I need the support of my family, and I’d rather people heard it from me than through rumours or speculation. I hope you can respect my decision, even if it’s hard for you, and that in time you’ll understand why I felt it was important to be honest.
Love you from UncannyGhostie

Please help me word the text to my mum that they all know now? What can I tell her?

Why do you need to announce it to her? Just wait until it comes up and say “Oh yes, i have let people know”…and if she needs an explanation you just smile and say “my life mum, Im a grown up and I’m doing it the grown up way. Nothing to be ashamed of or to hide”

As you haven't seen these people for a while you mustn't be dead close to them and so I would just send a mass text saying.

Uncanny, child1 and child2 are now living at XYZ address. Hope you are all well. Love from Uncanny.

Dont even mention separating. They will get it. Treat it like a non subject.

Oh and don't bother texting your mum

She sounds ridiculous. Nobody will be devastated but they could be perplexed that you didn't bother tell them for such a long time. They probably would have wanted to be supportive while it was happening.

But it's history now. Just text who you want to and tell the truth. Your mum had no right to police your life and try and shame you for splitting up with someone you no longer wanted to be with!

The thing about the present is a consequence of them not knowing. It can easily be rectified.

Your mum is going to try to put this off forever.

Forget your ex opening the parcel and tell your relatives you've split and your new address so parcels come to you in future.

This is complete and utter madness.

Mum, I've told everyone that Tom and I have been separated since x. It's about time I did that! I don't want to meet everyone individually and tell them, it's too much for me. It's my life, it's done.

I rang everyone because I would have wanted them to talk to me had the shoe been on the other foot

Just tell them. It’s not your mums choice and also your family won’t exactly be emotional… it’s not their marriage

Just text them. Your mum is wrong, it is perfectly fine to text.

Perfect. Go with this.

Just text your new address and say that you have been separated for a while. Then text your mum to tell her you have told the family so that she is prepared. If she kicks off, just shut her down immediately. It is your life and she needs to grow up and realise what year we are living in.

The only separation and divorce your mother would have this level of influence over, would be her own.

Text your relatives, with whatever you would like to say to them.

Don't text your mum, explaining or apologising. You are in charge of your behaviour, what you will and will not agree to. She's overstepping massively here, and you need to work out how to implement boundaries with her starting now.

Group text to all family and include your mum in the chat then no extra text needed!

Yes, go with a change of address message if you need to do something. Otherwise just start telling people as you meet them.

I've read this exact thread before I'm sure

I've seen an identical post before, as other PPs state. Looks like you haven't taken the advice given then, which is why you're still in this predicament.
(Apologies if not you but the situation was quite unusual.)

“Mum, I have told my family my news.”

The first post nailed it .
the one exception might be if someone was on their deathbed with very serious heard condition where any biggish news could be deadly. However it doesn’t seem that all your relatives in this situation?
Send this text.

When DH left me, I was devastated, my mum told everyone in my family who needed to know by phone call. DH didn’t tell anyone but his mum and dad, they didn’t tell anyone else, so no one knew. His wider family continued to contact me on social media with the impression we were still together, it hurt me deeply to keep having to deal with it, it knocked me for six every time and would cost me whole afternoons crying. I stupidly didn’t think it was my place to tell them, so never let on. Of course it was my place, if DH was too weak to do it. Leaving it to your mum to do face to face, let’s her direct the narrative and leaves it open for gossip.

I’m glad you’ve decided to tell your family yourself, it is out in the open and it’ll be over, not telling them is just dragging it out way longer than it needs to be.

You’re doing the right thing @UncannyGhostie - I used Christmas cards as the time to send a template note with my new address and to say I’d split with my ex. My ex wasn’t impressed but he’d had 9 months to tell his side of the family, so as it had dragged on long enough, and most of the family had heard rumours, I decided to just get on with it. Once it’s done, it’s done. And no, people weren’t talking about our divorce forever.

In which case she is stuck in a mindset that is a century old- did she decide to play out the last Downton Abbey finale movie here?
Text your relatives, or email, simple. ExDH and I not together any more, my address is.
Done
Tell your mother that if she is so upset by this, she can do all the telling, sooner rather than later

I my family you tell a parent something and then you let the rumour mill do its job. Since you haven't seen people in a year, sounds like you get together for special events. Really awkward to announce it there.

Just text them your new address so it is more of a new address announcement than divorce announcement.

As for your mom. No need to tell her, if she brings it up you just say "yep, told everyone my new address".

I think most people would thank you for a text rather than an awkward conversation