AIBU to wonder why women still accept unequal relationships?

[Tinnybinnylinny]

I have been an avid lurker and infrequent commenter…..

Its 2026, women have had the vote for over a
hundred years, access to education, we are about three generations in for women being able to earn professional salaries…their own business/ whatever it is. Yet - why are women still raising male children to treat their partners/wives like crap (not all men, and of course no one posts when it’s a happy life)?.

Why do women:

a. Accept it?;

b. raise the next generation to do the same (I appreciate these are inter- linked).

I see it on so many threads on here and in real life. Women that are the high earners - and yet do everything for the kids and the partners/ husbands….

The law/ employers etc can change/ have all the polices etc, but it doesn’t matter….

What am I missing?

Please read my response.

Look at these vipers though, I am just wondering why it appears so many women put up with the bad behaviour of men, and I am the problem.

There is certainly no, girl power/ be kind……it’s like it’s a competition to tear other women down. It isn’t - I do genuinely ponder why women accept the behaviour/put up with it….however it is phrased better.

there is no misogynistic intention in the post - it’s a genuine question.

@Tinnybinnylinny
Lifestyle choices afforded to them perhaps? Maybe because they are financially reliant on their husband?
I do agree that many women set the bar far too low.

Thank you, that is exactly what I am asking.

No misogynistic intention at all, perhaps I did not phrase the question as well as I could, I have tried to correct that in the responses.

It’s not vipers, it’s you saying stuff and then claiming you haven’t said it. You are blaming women, calling them weak and then saying you haven’t. Even though it’s written here for everyone to read. Insulting other women on here saying they have no reading comprehension when you can’t remember what you’ve written yourself.

Nonsense. I responded directly to a comment, and I was correct in my response.

OP is absolutely, definitively allowed to focus on whatever topic she chooses. She does NOT have to say "and men too", but I did point out that it would have been better if she'd acknowledged that men are also responsible for shitty parenting.

However, again, she is absolutely, definitively allowed to say "Why do women put up with shitty behaviour and they should do better with their parenting" - without adding "But the men".

This is a boring thread because nobody wants to answer the question, they just want to defend often indefensible women.

Being equal means you are equally to blame for your own shit choices and crap parenting. And that includes women.

It doesn’t mean they have to enable it and put up with it.

No - you mis- quoted. You are incredibly rude and confrontational, but there we are then. That is the internet and a public forum. It’s your opinion, to which you are entitled. No point in reasoning with stupid.

I hope you are ok.

I agree and it's evidenced by so many threads on here where women put up with so much rubbish and when advised to end the situation, they then spout all the reasons why they can't.

So yes, women have to learn to be comfortable with being on their own rather than being in a relationship, any relationship no matter whether it's unfulfilling, unequal or worse, abusive.

Most of the time women are their own worst enemies due to the conditioning you have mentioned.

So why is the OP being condemned as victim blaming when it's a scientific fact that all our behaviours are influenced by nature and nurture factors.

Arguing about victim blaming, why a son grew up to being a lazy entitled so and so, whether it was down to home life, outside external pressures or their innate nature, can be considered but maybe should be put aside for now.

These people are here and in society. What should be addressed is why women think they should continue to put up with carrying the majority of the load of family life if they don't enjoy doing it?

They have a choice, not to put up with it, to stop being the martyr. To advocate for a fairer family organisation and if they don't get it to leave.

Yes, it will be harder at first, but you know what, independence is great when you get to experience it.

As I always say, having no man is better than having the wrong or make do man in your life.

How can I misquote when I literally quoted you? Absolutly bizarre. You said ‘why are women so incredibly weak’ and then said ‘I never said women are weak’ and then claim I’m misquoting you!

I wish I knew you in real life!

I have clearly said there is no misogynistic intention, and that on reflection I could have phrased it better.

And yes, of course men are to be blame…it’s kind of the basis of the thread, but the question I posed was why do women put up with the behaviour?

Because the alternative may be not having the things you want done for your children actually getting done, on time, pre-emptively where necessary, reliably and to a high standard.

The trade off of equalising the mental load is deemed as trade off for the more important, making sure your child is raised and treated the way you want them to be.

Oh my goodness, the question was not why are women so weak. It is - why do women put up with such bad behaviour from women…..and yet, you keep insisting the AIBU is ‘why are women so weak? You have taken it out of context. Do you work for the BBC?

Well I gave you the benefit of the doubt and answered your question and you've chosen not to engage with that so far, so maybe we all sometimes let other things overshadow our best intentions...🤷🏻🤷🏻

Brilliant, an answer to the question.

What about where there are no children involved?

@Tinnybinnylinny Over-reliance on a man often. And/or not wanting to be alone.
My husband knew from Day 1 that if he turned out not to remain an equal partner I would have no hesitation in pulling the plug on our relationship. And I, of course, accept the same the other way around.
Own bank accounts - none joint.
Both contribute fairly towards our daughter in every way - care-wise, financially and emotionally etc.
Very happy indeed.

No I don’t, it was in response to you saying I misquoted you. You can’t answer a straight question though, you just throw insults around and change what you’ve said. I did not take it out of context or misquote, they are your words.

Sorry. I must have missed your response. It wasn’t intentional.

👏👏👏👏👏

This. It is so much better to be alone than with an energy vampire and adult child. A lot of women do choose that and will argue in favour of their Nigel. I find that incredibly annoying.

I get why a younger woman might fall into that trap due to influences all around her from birth, but have no patience or tolerance for women over 30 who still choose being with miserable, lazy men, or who raise their children in that environment (assuming they can safely protest his behaviour or leave).

Apparently that makes me a misogynist 😅

Thank you for answering the question, am sorry I missed the response.

It seems it’s biology then. I think it’s that women want to put the kids to bed/ read the story etc….and men can take it or leave it (I caveat not all men/all women). So all the laws/ policies in the world won’t make a difference.

I do sometimes wonder is it the macho thing at play where men don’t feel they can say they need to leave work to see the kids/ sports day/ prize day etc…. I genuinely don’t know.

@Duckagogo But perhaps, for women living a certain lifestyle provided by their husband, they know that leaving will mean that ends?
It depends which you value more I guess - money or freedom (and a chance to find true respect further down the line).

Treated to the site of a harassed servant for a mother and a lazy arsehole taking advantage of her for a father is not much of a trade off. Maybe if he's rich and she can therefore afford nannies, cleaners etc to lift her enormous burden it might make more sense, money can buy a lot of compliance. But most of the sort of men under discussion aren't rich and she'd have a far nicer life without one extra man child taking advantage of her in the mix.

If you mean raised in a two parent family because you think that's overall safer and better - well, sometimes it can be. But not when the woman is a miserable servant and the father is a lazy, energy sucking arsehole.

Me too! It is comforting to know I am not the only person that thinks the way I think.

I know so many absolutely amazing woman who are incredibly bright/ successful careers/ kind/ considerate/ empathetic (please note - the order of the qualities does not note the importance of the qualities) and yet what they accept from their partners/ husbands…..-and yes they do complain. However, I would not share with them my real
thoughts, ie LTB, as then you are the bit4h that said that/ or she tells the partner/ husband that and you are persona non grata (unless it’s domestic violence, then I have (and yeah, she went back and is still miserable)).

This is one of the clearest examples of projection I’ve seen 🤣

I, post-separation, put up with a very unequal distribution of childcare with my ex as if I didn’t, my children would be the ones to suffer from his disengaged, borderline neglectful parenting. I left him, among other things, because I had the same situation when we were together, but also had to put up with his bullshit every day.

Before you ask why I had kids with him in the first place, he obviously painted a very different picture before they arrived and behaved quite differently when we were in the early stages of our relationship.

Hope this helps you understand that things are a bit more complicated than the neat little scenario you are painting.

Thank you for answering the question and not crucifying me.