Clique school mums

[ernie23]

what is a cliquey mum group?
how would you describe them ? Do you believe that term , have you ever been involved ?

This is no hate, just genuinely what to know what people think of that term or their experiences on why would you call them like that .

Any group of women who only hang around together because their kids are at the same school, have no prior history or other shared interests , will give off clique energy.

You are projecting massively.

You can become friends over anything, kids the same age is a perfectly valid reason.

They probably have a group chat that, again, other people won’t be invited to join 😂😂
I have loads of group chats where I don't invite everyone? Don't you?😂

Sigh. But they like each other. They want to talk to one another. A class of 27 kids is never going to have 27 parents all befriending one another equally like some kind of Friendship Borg Collective. People are allowed not to like you, even if you have kids in the same class. That's not some kind of automatic pass to other people's friendship.

And of course you're only at any children's party because you're the parent of an invited child who is of an age they still need a parent to stay! What a bizarre statement, That's literally why any parent is at a child's party.

It's exactly the same as a friend group. It is a friend group, just one viewed from outside by someone seething with resentment they weren't befriended by it.

This comes up again and again on threads by people who struggle with friendships. Being another parent dropping to the same school or with a child at the same activity does not translate into automatic friendship. Not everyone will like everyone. And that's fine.

I was that outside for eight years at DS's first primary. It was pretty lonely. But you know what, no one there owed me their friendship. It's fine if they didn't like the look of me, preferred a different type of person, already had enough friends etc. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them.

Believe in the term? It’s not a myth. It refers to a group of people that are exclusive rather than inclusive. Not very welcoming.

Again

You have squat all idea about this friendship group and what goes on without your scrutiny

You’ve literally just described a group of women who are friends!! Who met when their dc started school.

this is why this subject gets people’s back up. You would never describe a group of men as a clique. ‘They only talk to each other, they weren’t even friends before they met (?!) at football.’ It’s misogyny.

When you are out in a bar with your friends, do you all bustle about all the other people present, beaming widely, inviting them to join you? Similarly when you're in Costa with a friend, do you do a quick recce of everyone else present, gesturing to them to come and sit at your table and hear about your best friend's new boss/birth injury/boyfriend?

I'm guessing not. Both instances of 'exclusivity' and completely normal.

since when do groups of people have to be "inclusive" to randoms?

What's wrong with having friends now?

The school playground with mums in it is the only social setting in the entire world where women who are friends are seemingly supposed to be constantly scanning the other people and seeing if they want to be friends too. Do the people who call these friends cliquey, expect people at a bar to invite them in to their group? What about if I’m out for dinner with my friends (who I met at the school gate)? Do I need to walk over to other tables to see if they want to join in?

👏🏼👏🏼

Its almost as if people suddenly realise when they have children that they actually need more people in their life than their spouse and “my little family” and, having discarded all their friends, suddenly realise they need them back.

Then they get pissy when women who have bothered to keep their friendship networks alive don’t immediately welcome them with open arms and accusr them of being “bitches”. So transparent.

@ThisSereneGoose @MixedBouquets You seem to have misunderstood my previous comment. Of course a clique group of friends won’t make a big effort with complete strangers. I didn’t think that needed to be said. This applies to classes, groups of people (an exercise class), school parents.

but that's not "a clique"

That's just normal friends. Who keeps trying to include and gather more people when they are doing things with friends?

I am reasonably extrovert, but people like that would be insufferable frankly.

It's not about expecting them to be friends with everyone, it's about expecting them to not actively shun you, ignore you, look at you like you are shit on their shoe, spread rumours about you and say nasty things to other parents and kids when you are not there.

This is internalised misogyny
You must be " nice" as a woman lack boundaries
You must not have agency
If you dont comply then we will call you sex based slurs " bitch" " witch" " cow"

@ThisSereneGoose my understanding of a clique group is that; a group of friends being unwelcoming. That’s what it means to me and that is how some people can behave. It means that people are left feeling excluded, when they could have easily been included. Whether you choose to try to make acquaintances feel included is your business as is if I choose to, it doesn’t change what the term means to me.

so you easily include random women when you are out for lunch with your friends?

If you are having a coffee with your babies, you invite any random because they have a baby too? Seriously?

It is unclear to me, as with so many of the other resentful clique-watchers on this thread, how on earth you know so much about the body language, exact flavour of eye contact, and rumour-mongering of these groupings which, by definition, do not include you. Maybe put those skills to work as a private detective or something?

Clearly a feature of many school playgrounds is not groups of people talking to their friends and minding their own business, but solitary individuals who simply can't believe that whichever of these groups they feel should include them simply doesn't take any notice of them, so instead they construct a narrative of actual persecution, because it makes them feel somehow important to people who couldn't pick them out of a police lineup?

if someone is spreading rumours and making accusations about you, it's not a clique, it's a group of bullies. Completely different scenario. Defamation, slander and bullying are illegal.

Had eldest dc at 16 so all the school mums are 20 years older than me, I kind of get it though I probably wouldn’t want to be friends with someone 20 years younger than me either.

Then there’s the grandmas raising their grandkids because their children can’t for whatever reason, genuinely find them easier to get along with despite the 50 year generation divide.

Well we’ll see if all this was because of my age or just because I’m socially inept when dc2 starts school.

Are you aware that people have eyes and ears, and talk to each other?

This is some no true Scotsman bullshit

I already said it doesn’t apply to
randoms. I’m not sure why you’re struggling with the concept. I’m not even explaining the way that I am, I’m simply - or I thought it was simple - stating what the term is to me and that it is a thing.

The rude and nasty comments on this post are just proving my point btw.

That is what I call misogyny.

I bet you were all delights when you were at school and would deny that anyone in your year was bullied, and if they were it was their fault.

Yep, understand your feelings. That clique of friends will always be superfluous. If youre still friends with 10% of them in 20 years time then they are proper friends.

This happened to me because I had dc at 16 and dcs dad never did pickup because he was working they assumed I was a single mum on benefits too. Until one saw me with my partner on the weekend and then spread a rumour I was committing benefit fraud by pretending I didn’t have a partner (when I never even spoke about my personal life to begin with).

some of these other parents are unhinged