AIBU to object to my partner bringing her brother on dates?

[Snooopdog]

For full transparency I am a male.

I have been seeing a woman for a few months now but it’s starting to go wrong and I don’t know if it’s me.

She seems to be obsessed with her brother. When we first met she talked about him all the time, everytime we went anywhere she would comment on how her brother would like this and wouldn’t like that etc etc. one time she actually brought him on a date! I was waiting for her at a restaurant and they both walked in, I had met him previously so no introductions needed - she said he was at a loose end so she invited him along. I ended up cutting the date short after the meal and later commented that I was disappointed that she had brought her brother along as it was meant to be a date. She went ape shit and accused me of trying to control the time she spends with her family. Not at all, I just don’t want her brother on our date!! Was this really so unreasonable of me?

Last weekend she invited me to hers for dinner, brother was there when I arrived. I then learn he’s staying for dinner. I didn’t say anything after the last shit storm but again just ended up cutting it short.

Now, tomorrow we have plans to go York for the day, it’s been planned for a while. She messsged me this morning asking if I’d mind if brother comes. I said “yes actually, we planned it as a day away together, having brother there totally changes the dynamics”. She didn’t reply for ages and has just messaged me back now saying “ok, never mind”. ??

Prepared to accept I’m being unreasonable if that’s the general consensus

YANBU, that's strange!

YANBU but I don't really understand why you're still seeing her

Are you sure she wants a relationship with you? Might she actually just want to be friends?

YABU for still dating her when she clearly is not right for you! Imagine your whole life together like this - he'd probably live nect door or move in! End it.

Chuck her. She's weird.

PS
Is her name Cersei?

Does she feel responsible for her brother in some way? Is he a child or has a learning disability or is vulnerable in some way?

I would tell her that her creepy obsession with her brother is not working for you and it’s best to just be friends.

No disability or anything, he split with his wife at the end of last year apparently and she says the wife would never let them spend time together - makes you wonder!!

sounds creepy & incesty.

I have thought about this and I did cool it after the big row about the date but she was the one who seemed to want to keep it going suggesting another date with just the two of us etc but it’s creeping back in again

I'm afraid my first thought was are you sure he is actually her brother.

She sounds majorly odd! This is very not normal and unlikely to stop so I’d get out now and find someone else who will respect you by not bringing a third wheel along on a date! So random. Never heard of this kind of thing before. Is she going to insist the brother live with you if u get married or come into the marital bed…? Who knows…?? 😱😂😵‍💫

dump her

Could you bring a friend or relative along on your next date, so she can see how it feels? Do you both work shifts and she has very limited time for socialising? It's great if family and romantic partners get on well but very odd not to want to spend time alone with someone you're dating. At least this time she has told you in advance, it's fine for you to say "This is not the day out I want or planned".

Dump. Now.

Get rid of, and don’t waste your time and money going to York. She’s weird.

Are you sure he's her "brother"?

In your shoes I wouldn't even bother going to York tomorrow , I'd suspect a risk of "Ohhh look , there's Barry ! What are you doing here !" and he'll join you,

Either she doesn't trust you and she needs a chaperone or your 1:1 company isn't what she wants and she needs a wing man.
Either way she sounds too much aggro.

DH had a girlfriend like that a couple of years before he met me. He said the brother was the golden child and gf had been brought up to centre him. DH found it very weird and finished the relationship eventually. They continued to be friends…and ex gf continued to factor her brother into every aspect of her life!

Is she quite young? Sounds very over invested in DB ! I think I would probably call time on this RL .Unless he suddenly gets a GF he could be along for the ride all the while!

I know how you feel op,8 years ago, i once dated a man like this everywhere we planned to go, what ever we done his sister was there.
All chats and talks was how his sister would like this and not like that etc.
I felt like the tag along 3rd wheel in a very odd relationship.

After 3months id had it with them told him to fuck off and go fuck his sister if he hadn`t already done it.

No regrets saying what i said either.
Blocked and moved on.

I'd throw this one back. She sounds weird.

Thanks everyone, glad to know it’s not me.
definitely her brother as I’ve been subjected to the childhood photos more times than I like to recall
It’s so weird I’ve never known anything like it. What makes it worse is that I don’t like him that much!

It’s not you, it’s her. That’s very strange.

They probably need to move in together.

In your shoes I would move on and find someone else.

Good luck OP.

If she said ok never mind then don't mind and accept that she knows you don't want him there.

Then just reiterate how you want to spend plenty of time just the two of you, and while you've nothing against the brother, he sometimes cramps your style.

I hope he gets a partner, that might make him less likely to linger round.