AIBU to object to my partner bringing her brother on dates?

[Snooopdog]

For full transparency I am a male.

I have been seeing a woman for a few months now but it’s starting to go wrong and I don’t know if it’s me.

She seems to be obsessed with her brother. When we first met she talked about him all the time, everytime we went anywhere she would comment on how her brother would like this and wouldn’t like that etc etc. one time she actually brought him on a date! I was waiting for her at a restaurant and they both walked in, I had met him previously so no introductions needed - she said he was at a loose end so she invited him along. I ended up cutting the date short after the meal and later commented that I was disappointed that she had brought her brother along as it was meant to be a date. She went ape shit and accused me of trying to control the time she spends with her family. Not at all, I just don’t want her brother on our date!! Was this really so unreasonable of me?

Last weekend she invited me to hers for dinner, brother was there when I arrived. I then learn he’s staying for dinner. I didn’t say anything after the last shit storm but again just ended up cutting it short.

Now, tomorrow we have plans to go York for the day, it’s been planned for a while. She messsged me this morning asking if I’d mind if brother comes. I said “yes actually, we planned it as a day away together, having brother there totally changes the dynamics”. She didn’t reply for ages and has just messaged me back now saying “ok, never mind”. ??

Prepared to accept I’m being unreasonable if that’s the general consensus

YANBU

Reminds me of this Friends episode:

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Run, run away now! This is the batshit kind of thing my SIL would try & do if my hubby wasn’t with me. Actually if he wasn’t with me she would have him all to herself!
Utter lunacy, have you said I’m dating you not your brother?

Dump her

Is he there as a chaperone? Is it a cultural difference? If not its very odd, but I’m guessing if she doesn’t want to be with you alone then she’s not that into the relationship- sorry

Also, just thought this, are they biological siblings? You’ve seen photos but they could have been adopted.

I think you should end things and send her the link to this thread because she needs to hear how weird this is before she ruins future relationships, too.

The enmeshment clearly runs deep in her family, OP.

Run fast and far!

Dump her and run (from both of them)! I wouldn’t even be going to York with her/them.

“Dannnny your baths going cold” 😆

I'd throw this one back, sounds beyond weird!

Sounds like you should end it

Have you had a direct conversation with her along the lines of
"I was/am interested in having a romantic relationship with you. I can be polite and amiable to your brother when there's a family get together of course, but it's odd that you think it's normal or acceptable to include him on our dates. Have your previous boyfriends not found this odd too? Do you also include him when you meet up with your female friends? This is a problem for me. Is this something you can change?"

I also vote you should dump them.

If you are only months in and it's like this and you have been shown childhood photos it's just weird all over. That's not how the honeymoon period should be! Even if it wasn't as weird if you don't like a sibling it's problematic long term.

I’m surprised that you haven’t dumped her yet.

This is very weird and Yanbu to not want to become a threesome with her brother. Even if he found a gf, I suspect that they’ll want to be a foursome.

Is she looking for a weird threesome and trying to get you involved by stealth?

Even so, still not on to take your sibling bio /adopted on romantic dates with you.

So you thought she brought someone she was in a relationship with on a date? That's even more bizarre than what is supposedly happening here

As you say the whole situation is bizarre.
Op 's update makes it clear he thinks this guy is actually her brother so my first thought was obviously wrong.

I love my brother to bits but have/would never take him on a date. How old is he? Do they live together? Are they're parents still alive? Is he socially awkward? Does he have any friends? If it's been just the two of them for a long time, she may feel responsible for him and doesn't like leaving him alone. If he struggles to make friends she might be trying to push you into befriending him. Stand your ground on asking her not to bring him, if she pushes back it might be time to call it a day. If she continues to to bring her brother on dates, I think she is going to end up growing old with him.

No you are absolutely right, it’s bonkers to take your brother on a date. But what if they are not related and on a subconscious level they are attracted to one another and can’t keep away from each other? Anyway if I was the OP I would definitely end it, and leave them to their strange relationship. Far too much unnecessary angst for my liking. The Friends clip is perfect.

Watch Friends, Season 5, Episode 10 "The One with the Inappropriate Sister"

This.

Sorry OP, sounds like a closeness you aren't going to overcome. Find someone better

Very odd

No one brings an adult sibling on a date! Are you able to have a conversation with her as to the nature of her relationship with her brother. Not suggesting anything, just in relation to their closeness. It is nice that they are close. But!

Do they do much together on their own or does she only include him on your dates?

I would end it and tell her why.