AIBU to object to my partner bringing her brother on dates?

[Snooopdog]

For full transparency I am a male.

I have been seeing a woman for a few months now but it’s starting to go wrong and I don’t know if it’s me.

She seems to be obsessed with her brother. When we first met she talked about him all the time, everytime we went anywhere she would comment on how her brother would like this and wouldn’t like that etc etc. one time she actually brought him on a date! I was waiting for her at a restaurant and they both walked in, I had met him previously so no introductions needed - she said he was at a loose end so she invited him along. I ended up cutting the date short after the meal and later commented that I was disappointed that she had brought her brother along as it was meant to be a date. She went ape shit and accused me of trying to control the time she spends with her family. Not at all, I just don’t want her brother on our date!! Was this really so unreasonable of me?

Last weekend she invited me to hers for dinner, brother was there when I arrived. I then learn he’s staying for dinner. I didn’t say anything after the last shit storm but again just ended up cutting it short.

Now, tomorrow we have plans to go York for the day, it’s been planned for a while. She messsged me this morning asking if I’d mind if brother comes. I said “yes actually, we planned it as a day away together, having brother there totally changes the dynamics”. She didn’t reply for ages and has just messaged me back now saying “ok, never mind”. ??

Prepared to accept I’m being unreasonable if that’s the general consensus

Absolutely throw back, totally weird!

I think you should end this now before you invest more time into of relationship. She probably won’t change and it might even get worse.

For Gods sake get rid! Seriously weird.

You know what’s going to happen when you finally sleep with this woman don’t you? Just make sure the lights are on so there’s no room for mistakes 🤭

I have a sister I am best mates with, we're really close. But never in a million years would I do this. Super weird.

Life's too short for this, OP.

or theres another set of eyes behind the curtains

Sounds like she'd rather have a relationship with her brother lol

Is he her chaperone?!

This is one of the weirdest things I have read on here, not least because you kept seeing her!

or twins?..and therefore v v close??

No, that's weird. I wouldn't date someone who brought a sibling! Fair enough if you're going out in a group, but that should be discussed first.
Unless he is a chaperone-are you both part of a community that has chaperoned dates? I don't know much about this, but presumably you would have mentioned if this was the case.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say it doesn't sound that weird to me!

I guess it depends on how long you have been seeing her, and how many dates you have had.

He has been present on two occasions so far, and she has suggested bringing him on a third.

What percentage of your dates is this? If you have only seen her 5 or 6 times, it's pretty weird. If you hace seen her 90 times, less so ....

He is recently divorced, it's understandable she is looking out for him. Maybe he is in a bad way and some nights he just needs some company.

I don't think there is any evidence, based on what you have said, that they are engaging in the incestuous relationship lots of posters here seem to imagine!

That said, you are perfectly entitled to object to his presence if you don't get on with him. And, indeed, to stop seeing her, for any reason or none.

I just don't think bringing him to dinner once, having him at hers once, and asking if he can come on one day trip, is proof positive of incest.....

So why on earth do you keep going on dates just move on she is weird

Invite your dm to York...

Tell her you're sorry if your dating profile was unclear but you're not looking for a throuple!!

Not YANBU that's totally weird unless you had been dating for ages, you knew him well and he lived miles away and had come to visit or something! I'm close to my brother but have never taken him on a date with me! 😂😬

Dump her.

Maybe she’s trying to set you up with her brother 🤣 is he gay?

It's odd. One time could just have been a misunderstanding of whether or not it was a date vs a casual meet-up, or perhaps her brother happened to show up and she wanted to see him, or has trouble saying no to him. But there's a pattern here. Her comments about you trying to control when she sees her family are weird too - like she's read or heard about coercive control but hasn't really understood what it means. Perhaps she's never been in a relationship before and is used to always socialising in groups? But if someone kept bringing their sibling (or anyone) along on dates with me, I'd assume that they didn't want to be alone with me and there's probably not much future in the relationship.

My sister said that 😂

Defo very weird! I agree it sounds incestous but I also wonder if she’s victim of controlling behaviour from him. Either way, run for the hills

It is weird to be bringing him along on dates when you're still in that new relationship stage.

I had a boyfriend once that was oddly obsessed with his older sister. At one point he actually said she was his "perfect woman' and he would gush about how beautiful she was. We went to stay with her and her partner one weekend and my boyfriend and his sister spent the evening cuddled up on the sofa with his hand on her thigh. Just plain weird!

I'm not saying there is anything remotely incessty in your girlfriend's dynamic but it's still a bit strange. Does he not have many friends and she feels responsible for getting him socialising?

Very odd
Maybe they had trauma as children and if you want to you can gently ask her if that's why she is incredibly close to him.
If not or she doesn't want to dis ss i actually think you should walk away.

Can't see it changing.

X

Is your sister single? Bring her along!

She sounds utterly enmeshed.