AIBU to refuse repeated requests from my neighbour for supplies?

[freecalpol]

AIBU to say enough is enough? DP thinks I’m being mean and unkind and is irritated at my ‘attitude’ towards our neighbour.

She regularly knocks to ‘borrow’ something. At first it was baby wipes, then Calpol. I gave them to her on these occasions as it was late and she hadn’t long moved in so I assumed a level of disorganisation due to the move.

It continued and if it’s just me home I’ll ignore the door or say ‘sorry we don’t have any of ….’ (Whatever she is asking for) .

I work long hours and I’m exhausted. Last night at 11 pm she knocked in a panic asking for Calpol . I said fine I’ll give you one dose in the syringes but you need to buy some yourself as soon as the shop opens or get it delivered . Dp said I should have given the bottle. I have work today so wanted to get some sleep. At 630 am she was hammering on the door and saying that her dc temp had spiked and she needed more. I told her from the window no - the shop opens soon or order it or just sort something else out as I’m not a pharmacy.

Dp says I’m mean and that hopefully the child is ok. I snapped at him and said if she can’t meet her child’s needs maybe I’ll call SS to see if this is information that adds to anything they already have as she seems to be struggling and the fact it’s now impacting my life isn’t fair, so yes she needs support but not financially from me supplying medication for her child. He said I was malicious to even talk about SS.

Not that it's the main point, but if she is struggling for money, I hope she knows that 'Calpol' doesn't have to be the expensive branded stuff, and that the own brands are exactly the same?

That said, I agree that she seems to be over-medicating. Some parents seem to think that Calpol is a miracle elixir that instantly solves any child's fever or discomfort - with not a clue that it's just paracetamol, with strict dosage limits.

The phone charger is a really strange one too, as a phone is obviously useless without one. If you're out and about or at a friend's house and your phone dies, you very well may ask to borrow a charger; but who on earth doesn't have one in their own home?! Or is it just that hers had broken and she thought that she could 'borrow' one from you (assuming you had spares, or would just go out and buy another one yourself) instead of having to pay for a new one? And, having borrowed the phone charger, if she then breaks or loses her phone, will the logical next step be to ask to 'borrow' a new phone?!

Your medal is in the post.
She's taking the piss. Tell her if she needs support you'll help her contact social services. She'll soon wise up.

Did she pop round at 7am every day to get dressed 😂

It’s not the money per se, it’s the constant fucking interruptions. It’s banging in your door at 11 and again at 6.30

ffs, it’s calpol and baby wipes, who doesnt have that in the house? You can use any cloth to wipe a bum but this woman is just blithely knocking on the door at all hours of the day and night!

I probably would've given it, one last time because it was so early but for the sake of the child, not her.
And explain that it's never going to happen again. I agree, she can't keep asking, esp late at night and early in the morning.

Some people are disorganised, some people are just crap and others take advantage. She could be all 3. My neighbour was like that with favours. Woke me up at 2am drunk once for a fav. I stopped doing anything for her because it was out of hand, she stopped talking to me (luckily moved away now). You may get a little of that too...

The child's PARENT denied it to them. She'd already been bailed out by being given a bottle previously, but her child wasn't important enough to her to ensure that she had some more in ready - in all of the time she had between being given the new bottle and it running out.

Why is a random neighbour the bad guy, rather than the child's own parent who has deliberately and repeatedly decided not to buy the basics of what her child needs? What else is the child missing out on because their mum just couldn't be bothered? I wonder if the mum regularly goes without things that she needs/depends on herself, because she 'doesn't remember' to buy them? Is she a smoker/vaper? Does she regularly 'forget' to buy those? Does she regularly 'forget' to go on Facebook or Insta if she's a keen participant?

As has already been said on this thread, if everybody keeps bailing her out, she will never learn to step up and stand on her own two feet. It's pointless to say you can help now and set boundaries tomorrow, because what do you do then when tomorrow's lack of being bothered to plan ahead becomes the new 'emergency' that you're expected to resolve for them; and then the next day's...?

"Here's the whole bottle, and you can replace it for me when you go shopping".

Tell her to register for the minor ailments scheme … she can then get it free from the pharmacy

I know, I would have helped if it was a genuine first emergency of course, but she's treating the OP as a branch of Tesco express, the more you give the more she will take, it will never end..

For fucks sake, don't blame the neighbour's shit parenting on the OP, this is NOT her problem are you the neighbour by any chance?

is she fit? I think you husband might fancy her. don't give her anything

And if ops child woke in the night in need of Calpol, and op has given their whole bottle away?

"Sorry kid, I know you're in pain/have a high temp, I was organised and had Calpol for you in case we ever needed it, but gave it away after next door neighbour failed to buy her own for a second time...."

Not at all. I think you fuss. Sorry.

Actually it’s a good point about the quantity of calpol being requested - it may well be irresponsible to give a whole bottle

But with these kind of people, they thrive on endless 'one last times' - and the more you give in, the more entitled they feel that it's your job to keep helping them.

I don't want this to be taken the wrong way, and I'm not seeking to dehumanise anybody in any way; but it's surprising how many people fully understand the basics of training a dog and how it will behave in response to your actions towards it - but they somehow cannot fathom that, for some people, it's the exact same principle.

Nobody with half an ounce of common sense would be standing there angrily shouting "NO!! Bad boy!!" at Rover whilst repeatedly giving him 'just one last' biscuit, and expecting him to know that he really must never repeat that negative behaviour (that results in him getting biscuits) ever again.

This happened with me and a school mum, she often asked for food items. spare clothing for school plays, small amounts of money etc and I was kind enough to lend items but rarely got them back. After one time when she failed to repay some money on time which i needed back , i stopped being so quick to lend. Then after a few conversations with some other school mums it turned out she was asking all of us in turn . So once one of us had stopped because we had had enough of the requests, she would move on to another mum.She's still like it now even though the kids have grown up and moved out but with lifts to the shops, household items etc .
I don't see her now but other friends still lend to her.

totally agree, I think in most mums would help out a sick child

Yes, indeed. For all we know - with her clear lack of basic understanding and responsibility, and the amount she's getting through, she could be treating it like a baby equivalent of Ovaltine and just giving her kid the whole bottle like it's a drink.

My point was that there is no excuse to not have basic pain relief for your child as it's available FOC.

I didn't come to debate the rights and wrongs of the situation.

Which the OP HAS done time and time again but now the neighbour is taking the piss, like I said why does the neighbour need to go shopping for essentials when a free branch of Tesco is right next door?

The first two times were baby wipes and Calpol.
The other times were wanting milk, a phone charger, asking did we have any cereal as she had forgotten and the dc needed breakfast (dp gave her a box that time) Calpol other times (in the day so I said to her - the shop is open) last night it wasn’t that was why I gave one dose.

Once as an emergency is fine but look at the above for crying out loud..

Well the neighbour is a few sandwiches short of a picnic, isn’t she. I’d be avoiding her as much as possible and not answering the door. She’s not a responsible adult. Avoid!

You need to tell her to stop knocking and that the lending service is closed. Tell your DP to stope being a wet blanket

Quite!

can't see why OP doesn't ask more questions at the time - even if its 6am.

What's up with little Baby name? How long has he been unwell? What happened through the night?
How come you don't have any today did you use that whole bottle from last time?
Look, are you ok? is there a reason you need to keep asking?
Do you have everything else you need - food, money? I'm a bit worried about you and want to help.

Doesn't mean you have to give her more stuff but I think I would need to satisfy myself she was OK.

I thought this was going to be about milk or sugar, not Calpol! Her child is sick in the night, I'd give her the whole bottle.