AIBU to refuse repeated requests from my neighbour for supplies?

[freecalpol]

AIBU to say enough is enough? DP thinks I’m being mean and unkind and is irritated at my ‘attitude’ towards our neighbour.

She regularly knocks to ‘borrow’ something. At first it was baby wipes, then Calpol. I gave them to her on these occasions as it was late and she hadn’t long moved in so I assumed a level of disorganisation due to the move.

It continued and if it’s just me home I’ll ignore the door or say ‘sorry we don’t have any of ….’ (Whatever she is asking for) .

I work long hours and I’m exhausted. Last night at 11 pm she knocked in a panic asking for Calpol . I said fine I’ll give you one dose in the syringes but you need to buy some yourself as soon as the shop opens or get it delivered . Dp said I should have given the bottle. I have work today so wanted to get some sleep. At 630 am she was hammering on the door and saying that her dc temp had spiked and she needed more. I told her from the window no - the shop opens soon or order it or just sort something else out as I’m not a pharmacy.

Dp says I’m mean and that hopefully the child is ok. I snapped at him and said if she can’t meet her child’s needs maybe I’ll call SS to see if this is information that adds to anything they already have as she seems to be struggling and the fact it’s now impacting my life isn’t fair, so yes she needs support but not financially from me supplying medication for her child. He said I was malicious to even talk about SS.

Go for middle ground buy a bottle of capol leave it sealed then when she next knocks
say she’s in luck u bought 2 she can buy it off you

win win kid gets calpol and your not out of pocket

True - I guess OP would definitely know what she’s dealing with the !

OP mentions her having friends/family round so she’s not isolated

The problem is that, for some of these CF parents, their child is their ultimate bargaining chip. They know very well that nobody wants the child to suffer, but also that they are the gatekeeper to the child and their needs; so whatever people give them for the child's benefit can be spent/used on themselves instead, and then, when they ask for more, the child is still in need, so people really hesitate to say No - and this can go on indefinitely.

At 6:30 I'd have spoken through the Ring doorbell from bed and told her to go to the petrol station to buy some. It opens at 6.

And to never, ever ring my doorbell before 8am again unless it's to tell me my house is on fire.

On Monday I would ring social services to raise concerns about a parent who has no medicine or food for their child reliably and seems to need an intervention.

Even if that person is turning up 3 times a day, once a week asking for it?

If so, can you send me your address please as I’ll never need to buy calpol again, I’ll just have it dispensed by you.

Your neighbour should look into the NHS Minor Ailment Scheme.

https://www.boots.com/nhs-services/minorailments?srsltid=AfmBOoqCFmELzsQNPuxz31e85xjZe_IKFg6LJskHw7S_mq1fR0Mv1PsI&affwin&utm_source=easyfundraising-57434&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=loyalty&utm_term=&utm_content=&sv1=affiliate&sv_campaign_id=57434&awc=2041_1784368184_ae3d736ef78ee0b3b4e1ffc67ca0c12b&sn=1

Has she ever offered you any money for the calpol?

You denied a CHILD medicine he or she needed. I am with your DH. You could have given her the medicine last night then set boundaries today, the child is the one suffering here.

I would have given her the calpol, because it’s not her kids fault she’s disorganised/cheeky/ whatever is going on here.

BUT I wouldn’t give any non-urgent stuff in the future. No wet wipes, she can use a towel, toilet roll, or wash in the bath. No toiletries or whatever else she wants. Calpol only and even then, I’d suggest she gets her own in the next shop.

Poor kids.

It's not "vengeful" to call social services and say you are concerned she's overwhelmed and may need early help.

Calling social services before things get to crisis point is a good and supportive thing - she can be assigned an early help keyworker who can show her how to organise herself and signpost her to other voluntary organisations who can provide practical help.

More people should call social services in this context, precisely to stop tjings escalating to the point where a child has to be flagged as at risk, or worse still is hurt or seriously neglected.

Over medicating a baby is potentially dangerous.

Or her DH could have got off his judgement box and given it to her himself

Tell her to sod off. You are not a free corner shop.

I doubt she forgets to buy toilet roll and food for herself. Why are essentials for her baby any different?

Aye right

I do get the posters saying it’s a bit mean if her kid is ill but this clearly isn’t a one off is it. What parent doesn’t have calpol and ibuprofen in stock at all times, I even pack it to take away. Own brands are cheaper and it’s something I’d never think not to make sure is in date, especially when you have young kids

Anyone who knocked on my door at 6.30am, after having demanded a favour at 11.00pm the previous night, would get very short shrift. The problem with a neighbour like this is that as long as you are willing to give, she’ll be willing to take. The fact that you’d previously given her a whole bottle of Calpol should have been enough - you’re not a corner shop.

Has she replaced all of the items that you gave her? Humans, being humans, sometimes things get missed, and you don’t realise until shops are shut. However, it tends to be a one off, or rare, where this seems systemic. Also, you are generally that mortified at having to ask someone you race to replace it as soon as possible, with some chocolates or whatnot as a thank you.

He very definitely would NOT be whining about the cheeky cow's hurtyfeels if he didn't think she was hot.

100% guaranteed your idiotic twat of a husband thinks she's attractive.

And under no circumstances (well maybe if her house is burning down) should you be opening the door to her again. Either of you.

Cheeky cow syndrome is always exacerbated by simp behaviour.

She literally gave her calpol numerous times, why is everyone saying she didn't??! Nuts! I'd be having a word ofcourse.

Labour and Green, depending.

The neighbour is clearly either scatty or disordered. It's not normal or ok to be out of food for a child's breakfast and repeatedly have no meds. School/nursery/HV aren't going to pick up on this as the OP is solving it by bailing her out. The neighbour needs someone with safeguarding experience to take a look at her situation.

There is no way on god's green earth I'm getting up at 6:30 on a Saturday morning now my own children are older. Saturdays are my lie in and I'm not talking to anyone until after 9 at the very least.

Her lack of planning does not make an emergency on my part. Corner shops, supermarkets and garage forecourts are available.

This is not an emergency. It's Calpol, not a trip to A&E.

I would hate this as I'm very selective with friends. I have a neighbour like this; hes had a lot of health issues due to various ADDICTIONS, but hey ho: I ploughed in and showered him with all the neighbourly love , care and consideration . Basically babysat him for a few weeks. Unknown to me he was secretly hating me . I could afford to help and give him all he asked for. There was one or two snide remarks and also saying things like " And make sure you bring it over to me." So I thought: WHY the FCK should I make sure that I donate said item of SUGAR...A few days later : was throwing stones at my window, near midnight, demanding MONEY!!!!!!! I decided to start ignoring him and do not regret it. My life is more peaceful. A few days ago I was pottering in my garden and the troll appeared at his own garden and tried to engage me in conversation which I ignored for the most part. Then he just stormed back inside and slammed his door. JOB DONE.

I agree too. Not even just the lack of cereal, the lack of anything to cobble a breakfast together by the sounds of it. As PP has said a cheese sandwich would be ok for breakfast or even toast but a lack of anything to hand is worrying.

Does she live on her own? Would she have to take a sick child/children out with her to find Calpol at 11.00pm and 6.30am? I agree she's rude and annoying and possibly a scrounger but I would have given her the bottle and discussed it in daylight (if you'd given her the bottle at night she wouldn't have come knocking again in the morning).

Edit as wrong thread!!

I’m from a different country so probably have a different reference point but I would be very concerned about the child (children) welfare in your shoes OP and would report this straight away after a few requests like this.

One off is normal but asking for basic supplies repeatedly is alarming. Also, going through a bottle of calpol so fast (I assume from OP post that it hasn’t been years of requests) is very concerning.

There are ways of managing fever without medication that everyone should know in case of emergency and if the child was so sick that she needed to turn to her neighbours outside of normal hours then she needs to take the kid to a doctor.