AIBU to refuse repeated requests from my neighbour for supplies?

[freecalpol]

AIBU to say enough is enough? DP thinks I’m being mean and unkind and is irritated at my ‘attitude’ towards our neighbour.

She regularly knocks to ‘borrow’ something. At first it was baby wipes, then Calpol. I gave them to her on these occasions as it was late and she hadn’t long moved in so I assumed a level of disorganisation due to the move.

It continued and if it’s just me home I’ll ignore the door or say ‘sorry we don’t have any of ….’ (Whatever she is asking for) .

I work long hours and I’m exhausted. Last night at 11 pm she knocked in a panic asking for Calpol . I said fine I’ll give you one dose in the syringes but you need to buy some yourself as soon as the shop opens or get it delivered . Dp said I should have given the bottle. I have work today so wanted to get some sleep. At 630 am she was hammering on the door and saying that her dc temp had spiked and she needed more. I told her from the window no - the shop opens soon or order it or just sort something else out as I’m not a pharmacy.

Dp says I’m mean and that hopefully the child is ok. I snapped at him and said if she can’t meet her child’s needs maybe I’ll call SS to see if this is information that adds to anything they already have as she seems to be struggling and the fact it’s now impacting my life isn’t fair, so yes she needs support but not financially from me supplying medication for her child. He said I was malicious to even talk about SS.

After this morning she would have to be pretty thick skinned to go back to OP

Knocking on a neighbours door at 11pm or 6:30 am for anything other than an absolute emergency is completely unacceptable IMO

A one off is one thing but after that they are just using you. Definitely don’t answer the door again.

I had a reverse situation with a neighbour a few years ago knocking daily trying to give me stuff I didn’t want, like leftovers of food they’d cooked and didn’t want (meat dishes and we are veggie) and out of date bread and cakes. The final straw was they left a supermarket crate full of out of date stuff outside my door late at night the night before we were going on a 2 week holiday. I found it at 4am when we got up to go to the airport. I put it back outside their front door and did that every time until it stopped.

Had you given her the bottle at 11pm she wouldn’t have knocked at 6.30

For me the issue would be disturbance at both 11pm and 6.30 as anti social hours / disturbed sleep.

If the cost of Calpol etc is an issue say ‘borrow this, buy me a new bottle next week’

She sounds frightened. Is she a single mum with first child?

Talk to her, reassure her, but set boundaries ( extreme emergency only 9.30 - 8sm or whatever)

She’s been taking the piss for a while. If you keep giving her, she’ll keep taking. I’m sure her child will survive, perhaps it will force her to get off her arse and actually have basic supplies in for her child. Knocking on the door at 6:30am on a Saturday is totally unacceptable.

One of our neighbours on my childhood street was like this. Always wanting to borrow stuff. The final straw for my mother was when she asked ro borrow a wardrobe 😅

How much calpol is she using??😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

One full bottle was lasting me a year when the dcs were little.

Just on that I’d wondered what’s going on.

‘DP says I’m mean’

Where was he at 11pm last night and 6.30 this morning when you were woken and had to deal with her demands for free stuff?

To be honest I think you were mean by not helping a poorly child when it was easily in your ability. I get that you think she is disorganised and maybe addressing that at another time when it wasn't impacting her child who was ill would have been a more humane way of approaching this. None if us know everything that is going on in someone else's life. Maybe money is incredibly tight and she is struggling. Maybe she bought food and didn't spend £4 on calpol just in case as at that point her child was well? If I am ever in the position I can help a child who needs it i would do it no questions asked because I can and why should a child suffer for thier parents' issues if they dont have to. You sound like you lack compassion and that is sad. If I was your husband I would have gone after her and given her the calpol to be honest. If I was him id be very embarrassed on your behalf.

But it’s not @freecalpol responsibility

What is so hard to comprehend about that? What if the op has money problems? What if she’d given the calpol and not had enough for her own child?

people need to stop defending the irresponsible one who is the neighbour not the op…

How long ago was it that you gave her the first full bottle?

Anyone with kids has calpol in their bathroom cupboard

I’d love to say this was true but as a children’s nurse I’ve had parents ask me where to buy it. And also expect us to supply it because they don’t have any (we won’t, unless in specific circumstances). Or they don’t know it’s just paracetamol. Some people don’t have a clue and it’s quite eye opening.

I’d have to be very strapped for cash to begrudge giving a second bottle of calpol to a woman desperate to ask at 11pm and 6:30 for a sick child. Even with the wipes, etc, I’d assume she must be desperate to ask for things for her child.

Unless you’re struggling for money, i agree with your DH

If i had a new bottle id ask for it to be replaced (have this one you can drop a bottle back to me tomorrow) i had a neighbour like this you do have to get very clear about replacement

This is what I asked upthread!

It sounds as though she's over medicating.

It also sounds as though she's not coping - it's not a choice between "reporting" her , ignoring her or being her personal shopper, you can call:

The NSPCC line for adults concerned about children:

tel:0808 20800 5000

Or social services to flag up she is struggling and needs early help (this is not "reporting" it's asking that she be supported.

Or call a volunteer organisation like homestart https://www.home-start.org.uk/find-your-nearest-home-start .

I would probably have given her some calpol and told her she's absolutely taking the piss but that's only because I have 2 bottles of calpol in the house at the moment. I have no problem being neighbourly but this woman sounds like she has no resilience and expects other people to solve her problems for her. If I ran out of calpol once I would learn the lesson to keep an eye on how much I had not that it can be got from someone else.

I would have given the emergency overnight Calpol bottle but not the other stuff she's asked for. She sounds disorganised and the more you prop that up the more she'll ask for stuff. I would follow up with her the next few times you see her to make sure she's bought some

Yes all the same questions I had and completely agree. I do agree it’s a concern for welfare this situation isn’t normal.

Then why hasn’t the neighbour bought some herself?

This 100%. I could never leave a sick child in any circumstance. I think that’s heartless. Punishing the child for the actions of the mother.

Some simply don't care, BeardySchnauzer - after all it takes a pretty thick skin to keep on and on asking in the first place, so as long as they get what they want all's good in their minds

But if op gave the full bottle of Calpol, what happens if her own child had then woke in the night needing Calpol? Op wouldn't have any as she has given it to her neighbour!

Also... how often is "regularly"? Regularly could be once a day or once every 3 months?

Why can't the neighbour buy a bottle of the stuff when she's out shopping instead of leeching off OP?
What if OP hasn't got any or needs it for her own child,?
Since when did some people become so unable to actually parent their children and make sure they have medicine in the house in case little ones are poorly?

Don't call SS. That's just vengeful and also a waste of their time.

Absolutely don't lose sleep about not answering the door to her though. Crikey what a way to take the pee. Instead of ringing SS you could give her a leaflet of a helpline for her personality disorder...