AIBU to refuse repeated requests from my neighbour for supplies?

[freecalpol]

AIBU to say enough is enough? DP thinks I’m being mean and unkind and is irritated at my ‘attitude’ towards our neighbour.

She regularly knocks to ‘borrow’ something. At first it was baby wipes, then Calpol. I gave them to her on these occasions as it was late and she hadn’t long moved in so I assumed a level of disorganisation due to the move.

It continued and if it’s just me home I’ll ignore the door or say ‘sorry we don’t have any of ….’ (Whatever she is asking for) .

I work long hours and I’m exhausted. Last night at 11 pm she knocked in a panic asking for Calpol . I said fine I’ll give you one dose in the syringes but you need to buy some yourself as soon as the shop opens or get it delivered . Dp said I should have given the bottle. I have work today so wanted to get some sleep. At 630 am she was hammering on the door and saying that her dc temp had spiked and she needed more. I told her from the window no - the shop opens soon or order it or just sort something else out as I’m not a pharmacy.

Dp says I’m mean and that hopefully the child is ok. I snapped at him and said if she can’t meet her child’s needs maybe I’ll call SS to see if this is information that adds to anything they already have as she seems to be struggling and the fact it’s now impacting my life isn’t fair, so yes she needs support but not financially from me supplying medication for her child. He said I was malicious to even talk about SS.

It’s obviously part of a larger thing but there would be no case where I wouldn’t give calpol if I had it

Sounds like she has got into a real pattern of being disorganised and not meeting her child's needs. She shouldn't be enabled by her neighbours. To knock at 630 am is highly inappropriate. A fever in an otherwise well child is not dangerous and if she is worried about her child's health then she should be taking them to AE. Id be interested to know if she ever replaced the first bottle? We have never run out of essentials like calpol etc and never needed to ask neighbours for anything. I can imagine maybe asking someone once for calpol, never twice. You were not unreasonable. Nip it in the bud.

I have to agree somewhat. Did you stop to consider for a moment that your neighbour may not be able to afford Calpol ? People are not usually so ready to ask for help unless they have no choice . You are not responsible for her child , no but you are responsible for your lack of empathy and compassion.
why don’t you knock at her door and ask her for a minute to talk and try and establish the true situation? If you feel she is in dire straights try pointing her to the local food bank ( google ) and maybe try to be a little more understanding. One day you may need her help .

I mean I’ve already promised the other to Doris next door so 🤨

She could use uber until quite late…

This isn’t the first time and she doesn’t just ask for ‘essentials’. She has family and friends that visit. There’s nothing in the OP or her subsequent posts to suggest the neighbour isn’t just one of those people who likes to make their own problems other peoples.

This reads like so many other posts, where there's constantly a demand for items or sense of entitlement for lifts, medication, care, errands, and even daily on FB where people ask for donations of expensive items. Nobody wants to see a child in need, but it does appears the neighbour thinks the poster is a convenience store or she has a problem of another kind, which needs to be addressed, but won't unless there's an incentive to do so. Also because you have something that can be borrowed, it doesn't mean you have funds to constantly replace for your own use.

Damn you!

Right. I would offer to look after the child, fund it going to uni, pay for its first car and a deposit on a house, and pay for their wedding and honeymoon. Then I'd set up a trust fund for its future grandchildren, leave them the family silver, name them in my will, and write a handwritten note sincerely apologising for not doing more.

My kids are 18, in a month & 19.5 years old, but I still have calpol in because if any of us come down with tonsillitis, bad sore throats or (less often now) covid, it's easier than tablets!!! Plus, it tastes good!!! Lol

Isn't Calpol free for ba ies and children, under the minor injuries scheme run by pharmacies?

Yes. I pointed this out on page 1, I think. It may be a generic brand, eg Boots' own infant paracetamol, but it is available so no child has to go without pain relief because a parent is short of money.

If DH wants to run around and give in to her every demand, he can but I think you did the right thing.

Her child would've been fine to wait that little bit longer until the shops opened and if not then clearly they need more than just Calpol. She needs to take responsibility for her own child.

I live in a close knit community and myself and a few mums on the street have had to ask for Calpol from each other a few times! We're quite rural and all do weekly online food shops, and sometimes if you have multiple sick kids in the house at once the Calpol bottle disappears quickly and you can't always make it to the shop in time. Yes ideally you'd have a stockpile, but the limit on buying 2 pain relief products per shop can make this trickier.

I think the key there though is that it is a reciprocal arrangement where we help each other out, whereas your situation sounds one-sided, so I can appreciate that would get frustrating. Has your neighbour ever paid you back, either in money, lending you something you need, helping with a task or perhaps sharing some baking/cooking with you? Is she a single parent?

How did she react when you refused to give her any Calpol at 06:30?

She'd already given her a bottle before? Why is no one accountable, this woman is a parent she needs to start acting like one

You wouldn't even start a pension for them? And no Over-50s plan either - not even after that lovely Martin Kemp has so clearly told you how essential it is to save all the worry?

This is what is wrong with this country now: people are just so greedy and selfish - it's all just Me, Me, Me.

It's not the OPs job to continuously supply Calpol to her neighbour, she should buy it like everyone else has to do.

This level of chaos, not having food or medicine for her child is both unacceptable and not your problem. If you have concerns report them to social services. You are under no obligation to provide food, medicine, etc. Infant paracetamol can be given for free on minor ailments or a bottle can be bought very cheaply at the shops.

The knocking at 6:30 for MORE calpol would have really pissed me off and I'd be making it clear not to knock again on the beg for stuff she should have in.

It’s not enabling behaviour it’s helping a sick child that’s not being ‘nice’ that’s just being a decent human being.
Fair enough though in not engaging in any more of the other requests.

Putting aside everything else and thinking just about the calpol situation you need to ask yourself one question.

Who was impacted the most by you refusing to give her calpol for her child?

Is the child sick though? The woman is getting through a lot of Calpol. If the child had an actual illness then she would have prescription medication.

Your post contradicts itself. Almost all the neighbours requests pertain to the child. It needs medicine, breakfast cereal, baby wipes etc so sh e couldn't not engage, in being a good human being 'aka a doormat' the OP would be duty bound to never refuse these requests...

It’s not a contradiction at all.

Not only do I think you were cruel not to give the calpol but I also think your husband quite rightly finds your behaviour very offputting!
I would massively have the ick if my husband did this to a neighbour! I’m not surprised he has called you out on it

Quite right.

I'd have driven to every pharmacy within a 50-mile radius, bought their entire Calpol stock, and personally administered it while crocheting the child a blanket.

But that's just me.

So you would help if the child was sick but not if they were apparently hungry? What if they had no electricity would you give the neighbour money so the child was kept warm? Maybe they don't have a winter coat or shoes that fit would you provide them? Where do you draw the line?

The OP isn't responsible for this child it's not her job to parent them and meet their most basic needs not doing so doesn't make her not a decent human being.