AIBU to refuse repeated requests from my neighbour for supplies?

[freecalpol]

AIBU to say enough is enough? DP thinks I’m being mean and unkind and is irritated at my ‘attitude’ towards our neighbour.

She regularly knocks to ‘borrow’ something. At first it was baby wipes, then Calpol. I gave them to her on these occasions as it was late and she hadn’t long moved in so I assumed a level of disorganisation due to the move.

It continued and if it’s just me home I’ll ignore the door or say ‘sorry we don’t have any of ….’ (Whatever she is asking for) .

I work long hours and I’m exhausted. Last night at 11 pm she knocked in a panic asking for Calpol . I said fine I’ll give you one dose in the syringes but you need to buy some yourself as soon as the shop opens or get it delivered . Dp said I should have given the bottle. I have work today so wanted to get some sleep. At 630 am she was hammering on the door and saying that her dc temp had spiked and she needed more. I told her from the window no - the shop opens soon or order it or just sort something else out as I’m not a pharmacy.

Dp says I’m mean and that hopefully the child is ok. I snapped at him and said if she can’t meet her child’s needs maybe I’ll call SS to see if this is information that adds to anything they already have as she seems to be struggling and the fact it’s now impacting my life isn’t fair, so yes she needs support but not financially from me supplying medication for her child. He said I was malicious to even talk about SS.

@Nanda66 So you would, in fact, just be her perpetual vending machine since the cheeky cow will simply claim she is grifting on behalf of her child each time. So far she has grifted baby wipes, calpol, milk, a phone charger (poor baby needs mum to have a working phone it's an emergency!), cereal (the poor children need fed!) and calpol again.

The time to address it is whenever OP wants to. And she did give the grifter calpol both previously and the night before.

Time to stop answering the door to the grifting cheeky cow neighbour.

YANBU

she’s taking the piss. Once or twice fair enough anyone can be caught short but she seems to be perpetually disorganised and won’t get any better if people keep bailing her out.

If she doesn’t care enough about her own kid to have calpol in I’m not sure why you should be bothered.

Even if true that won't stop "Thomas Tuchel" from fancying the hot young neighbour, and won't stop OP from realising it.

Men very rarely indeed go to bat for unattractive older women. OPs husband is calling his wife very unpleasant names because his white knight instinct (which only applies to hot younger women) has been activiated.

He doesn't want the hot neighbour to think he's a big meany, and he thinks his wife refusing to keep gifting the grifting CF freebies will reflect badly on him.

Can't think of another single reason why he'd be behaving so badly and treating the OP so badly when she's being perfectly reasonable.

It’s down to the neighbour to meet her own child’s needs.

Yep. When the CF was replacing the earlier calpol she borrowed she should have bought herself some.

Except she didn't replace the earlier calpol, of course.

sure but OP was responding to someone who suggested CF was asking all the time because she fancied the DH

i imagine the DH has a bit of white knight energy without being arsed to do the rescuing himself🤣

I've seen a lot of men that just enjoy being the perpetual good guy.

Has nothing to do with how attractive people are , it's just an image thing in lots of cases. Often at the expense of a woman's time or labour.

We had some neighbours like this but they would send their young children round to ask for things, which made it even more difficult to say no. Mummy says please can we borrow..

Yes, I rather doubt the hot young neighbour is after the husband to be fair, just after his big bottle of Calpol 😃

You’re in the right.
She sounds useless!!!

In my experience, it usually has a great deal to do with how attractive the woman is. Men, as a sex, very rarely indeed do anything to help an older, ugly woman. And those female "friends" the mumsnetter's husbands always seem to have are never Big Brenda from the tuck shop, aged 58, with a slight post menopausal moustache.

But yes, there are men who will put on the good guy mask for anyone at the expense of their wives too.

Tbf ss would laugh in your face. Yes it's annoying, say no and move on. Husband is a pushover.

She's a CF and you're right to put a stop to her asking for things often BUT I couldn't not help a child in pain or with a fever if I had the means.

I may be a sap but in your situation I think I'd buy some cheap supermarket child paracetamol and keep it in for her. Yes, it's a few quid and you shouldn't have to but it's not her kid's fault her mum is disorganised/struggling/neglectful/whatever the reason and I'd want to help the child.

It’s not just this she’s asked for though. She’s asked for wipes, a phone charger and food. OP can’t keep a stash of everything just in case her neighbour needs it 🙄

If she can’t look after her own child then someone needs to intervene because it’s very concerning re: neglect etc

🙄

Some people are just cfers and will take the piss regardless relying on the mugs of the world to bail them out for everything.

This.

Yes, I think this is more likely. Men can be pushovers as well - albeit they may find it even easier if they can get a woman to do the running for them. Men can act on other grounds than purely whether they fancy somebody or not.

That said, it's far from only men, though: there were loads of (presumably mainly) women on the thread about the woman at the evening class who was pretty much demanding that OP and her DD give up their private together time to give her a lift; and numerous others at the class, including a fair number on the thread, were telling OP what a meanie she was, when not a single one of them was offering to give the woman a lift themselves.

I think some people who have never encountered a CF who has chosen them as their target can struggle to appreciate the full reality of the situation. As for 'helping out just this once - it's an emergency', there will be hundreds of 'just this onces' and every single one will be framed as an emergency - and if it's 'for the children', all the better.

I’d NEVER ask a neighbor for calpol. It’s something you have to keep in with kids in the house. Anyone saying Op is mean is actually wild because this neighbor clearly has zero boundaries and is fully taking the piss. It’s insane behaviour and not ok.

We had neighbours like this over 40 years ago. They NEVER bought milk. Every day my mother who was a soft touch was giving them milk as we had ours delivered. It was relentless.

I would chat to her and advise her to stock up.

@Duckagogo Big Brenda has access to free snacks though. She'd be worth befriending.

We all like to help or neighbours with little things like Calpol, and I don't think you should cut her off completley, but her coming round at what I consider to be anti social hours is taking the mick IMO

I would allow as a one-off if the child was genuinely in need but as the neighbour is clearly taking advantage I would put a stop to it. In my experience, giving in to repeated requests results in either you or your children going without something that you need, or suffering financially because you are constantly having to buy extras. I would refuse to give in unless they gave it back or replaced the Calpol or whatever and just not lend anything to them.

It isn't as if Calpol isn't free from the chemist if it is needed, or the GP by prescription. She could easily ask the GP to tack on Calpol to a prescription so she has some in stock.

Out of kindness to her child, I would have given her what she needed but made clear it was the last time I would be giving her basic items for parenting.

You gave her a whole new bottle last time? No way, I’d have said ‘sorry, I gave you mine last time and haven’t replaced it - when you go and get some, can you bring me back a bottle too?’ Get your DP to answer her if he’s got such a bleeding heart. If the child is that unwell maybe she needs to be calling 111 anyway.