AIBU to refuse repeated requests from my neighbour for supplies?

[freecalpol]

AIBU to say enough is enough? DP thinks I’m being mean and unkind and is irritated at my ‘attitude’ towards our neighbour.

She regularly knocks to ‘borrow’ something. At first it was baby wipes, then Calpol. I gave them to her on these occasions as it was late and she hadn’t long moved in so I assumed a level of disorganisation due to the move.

It continued and if it’s just me home I’ll ignore the door or say ‘sorry we don’t have any of ….’ (Whatever she is asking for) .

I work long hours and I’m exhausted. Last night at 11 pm she knocked in a panic asking for Calpol . I said fine I’ll give you one dose in the syringes but you need to buy some yourself as soon as the shop opens or get it delivered . Dp said I should have given the bottle. I have work today so wanted to get some sleep. At 630 am she was hammering on the door and saying that her dc temp had spiked and she needed more. I told her from the window no - the shop opens soon or order it or just sort something else out as I’m not a pharmacy.

Dp says I’m mean and that hopefully the child is ok. I snapped at him and said if she can’t meet her child’s needs maybe I’ll call SS to see if this is information that adds to anything they already have as she seems to be struggling and the fact it’s now impacting my life isn’t fair, so yes she needs support but not financially from me supplying medication for her child. He said I was malicious to even talk about SS.

I would imagine she may want to have her bottle of calpol (that she has been organised and bought to use when needed) in the house in case her own child gets sick.

and right on cue…

Sounds like she’s disorganized AF and needs to get her shit together. The Calpol situation is symptomatic of this - she had a full bottle from OP, which she didn’t replace. She didn’t replace it for herself either, so during an emergency she goes back to OP who sorted her out the first time. The more this woman relies on OP, the more dramas will bring her to her door.

I'd have done it on this occasion, as she couldn't get to the shop at that time. However, I would be telling her in no uncertain terms that she had to get herself organised for the future, and make sure she had enough supplies. She should always have two bottles of Calpol, and extras of everything, to make sure she doesn't run out. You should not be out of pocket because she is disorganised - but I couldn't personally leave a child unwell without medicine, as it's not their fault.

Yes, this - she's delegating her basic parenting duties to her neighbours. It's very concerning.

You'd be shouting into the wind, though. Yes, she'd pretend to be listening and taking it all on board... but then the next time, it would be 'on this occasion' again, and again, and again.

pharmacy/supermarket/spar/petrol station/whatever,
mostly closed during ndn’s twilight forays as the same
principle applies, ie the retail source might as well be in
Mexico, as the ndn venturing out locally for medicine/s
enabling adult/parenting requirements
your last line was superfluous, or did you seriously believe
that somehow I would not know or understand this ?

I wouldn't have said no to Calpol for a child, however annoying it is to be asked repeatedly.

She has a thick skin to be repeatedly asking after you've already indicated that she should go to the shop (not only last night, but on previous occasions), so being firm is the only way to possibly get through to her.

Your neighbour has to take responsibility for her child's needs, including medicine to control fevers. If she can't keep a basic medicine in stock for emergencies, she needs to seek support, but not from you, a random person who just happens to be her new neighbour.

She's not capable of parenting.

Sounds like she needs SS support, having those basics at home is not rocket science and her child is suggering neglect because of her being incapable.

You are right to flag it up, given that it keeps on happening over and over again.

and what's the chances eh?

I would have given her the bottle of calpol, but made it clear that it was the last time and that she needed to get herself sorted out. I couldn’t let a child spike a temperature and not help.

But it’s now on the Op to go and buy a replacement because, let’s face it, the neighbour isn’t going to

its not like this was the first time

Even the NHS doesn’t suggest calpol as first action with a fever - it’s only if the child is distressed they suggest it

perhaps OP (or the DH as he seems keen to help) could give her some advice on what to do when the child has a fever because the amount of calpol this lady is going through suggests she’s using as first line of defence

How much Calpol does one kid use though? In our house a bottle lasts a couple of months or more. So if you'd recently given her a bottle then why is she using so much? And if she's having to for a legit reason then what is preventing her planning for it! Id be worried Calpol was being used as a catch all for everything. (Or that if she needed this much then there was something else that needs more investigation). Kids not going to die from having to wait 90 mins to get to a shop at 8am. See also taking ill kid with you to get it. Take some personal responsibility.

Really? Maybe if the neighbour feels that bad she should go to the fucking shops then instead of sponging off OP.

Talk to your other neighbours. Has she built up a silent circle of goods and services suppliers?

CFs are a lot more organised than their pathetic ‘it’s urgent’ face suggests.

They play the pity card as standard, then push till you’re going out shopping for them at 11 at night (guilty).

We’ve got one in our block. There’s always a reason why you do the work, not them. You’re left feeling you’ve saved the day. They rely on this.

It then turns out at least three or four other people have already saved the day that week.

Every week.

These rescues have slipped the mind of CF.

This was an odd time to draw the line! If her child was ill and she’s in a bit if a panic you help. You could have refused any other request that didn’t involved a sick child. So in this instance you are being very very unreasonable.

So she's supposed to just provide food and medicine indefinitely because it's for a child because the child is sick or hungry?

Sounds great where do I sign up to have someone else become responsible for those costs on my behalf...

I don't remember there ever not being calpol or infant ibuprofen in my house when my kids were small. You've helped out in the emergencies. Now she needs to take responsibility going forward. You are not BU.

Don't agree. It's obvious the neighbour doesn't keep anything in for emergencies. OP has already helped out.

Not one I'd like to risk if it leaves my own child in pain.

Op was kind in all of the scenarios where she helped neighbour out before. She was kind last night where she gave a Calpol dose at 11pm.

She doesn't have to leave herself without to ensure neighbour is stocked up

First, I would never provide medication for someone in another household. This could lead to a liability issue and I live in a litigious society.

Second, you're teaching her she can use your stuff instead of buy her own.

Not having calpol on hand for a child is bordering on neglect. It's not the OP's child nor the OP's responsibility to keep on bailing out someone who obviously needs outside help, maybe a call to Social Services is needed. Stop blaming the wrong person.

Only once in 20 years of being a parent t has a neighbour asked me for anything - and that was did I have a syringe of calpol please because the shops were shut at 8pm on a Sunday and her little one had developed chicken pox.... by 9am the next morning she had gone shopping and gave me a whole bottle in return. (I didn't ask or expect it) - if your neighbour isn't doing that then she is a CF - why in earth is your DH happy to hand over almost £5 worth of product every time she knocks??