To re-think friendship over this?

[carelesswhispers9]

have a friend who is unemployed and has a little one and so do I.
We took out children out on a pre-arranged trip to a theme park and as 2 adults and 2 children was cheaper than individual tickets I bought the family ticket online and she agreed to pay me her half cash on the day, she didn’t, she turned up without any money but promised to give it to me at the weekend but she forgot, she then said she would give it to me when she saw me a few days later, she didn’t.
A couple of weeks later we met up again and I asked her if she had my money and she laughed and said “you’re not still going on about that are you?
I said I kind of need it and she said “oh come on you work and have money, I don’t.
I don’t have a lot of money and wouldn’t have agreed to it if I thought she wouldn’t give me the money as I also drove nearly 2 hours each way on my petrol.

I am unlikely to ever see this money again but our children get along and we do have a good time together, would you let it go or phase out the friendship?

She has never asked me for money ever but I was just annoyed as it felt like she tried to ridicule me for “still going on about it, when she obviously assumed I would just let it go and move on.

“you’re not still going on about that are you?"

Well yes, I am, because 3 times you've said you'll pay and you've not, and I'm not giving out freebies here.

In future I'd not make any plans with her that involve spending money tbh.

Your child will get along with other children, probably these children won’t have users as parents.
This isn’t a friendship - a friend would not behave this way.

There is no way I’d continue a friendship with a person like her. She is manipulative and basically a thief. When people show you who they are believe them the first time is a pretty useful phrase in these situations.

Ooh dear. That’s not a friend. That’s a sponger.

Stop paying for stuff, meet with the kids in the park or go or coffee at each others houses.

YANBU.

What's with the threads lately about friends agreeing to pay for things and then refusing? It's such shitty behaviour. YANBU.

Had exactly this with a friend. We arranged to go to a really expensive soft play type place that was quite a distance from where we lived. Kids knew we were going and were really excited. We got there and... she had no money so it was a choice between my paying or disappointing the kids.

Yes, I'm working while she's on maternity leave. But her income is probably the same as mine.

She's tried a few times to make plans with me since then but I deflect them. I'm not picking up the pieces behind someone else's poor financial choices.

I'd be furious. Why should you fund a day out for her and her child. She really isn't a friend.

I'd try again to get the money back. Say you have an unexpected bill and really need it back right away. Remind her that she said she would pay her half and you had never expected to pay for the full day yourself.

Then don't socialise with her again. Your child will find other friends who are not dishonest.

YANBU

Aside from the issue of the money it shows a lack of respect for you. Especially her remark implying that you are badgering her for payment.

Yeah, she isn't your friend.

I think you have to write off the money, but never ever pay for anything again. I would bring up her cheating you out of the money regularly and publicly, but I'm petty like that.

If the friendship serves a purpose for your dc then maybe meet but I wouldn't pretend I wasn't pissed off about it. What a cow!

I'd cut all contact and tell her you don't want to be friends with a lying sponger.

Well I wouldn't be arranging any more days out. A stock 'you still owe me for the last time, so no' should do it.

I'm sure I read this somewhere else though.

I'd resort to not doing things that require me to pay for them upfront to begin with. Then phase out if that becomes an issue.

I have friends who dont work, have little money. None would ever assume because I work I don't need paying back for something.

I wouldn't phase out the friendship, I'd drop it like a hot lump of coal.

Nope. I’d be out and wouldn’t even give it a second thought. Shit like that comes easy to me. See you later 👋🏻

She may not have had any intention of paying you back anyway, especially as she is going on at you for bringing the subject up, which you are more than right to do so.

However, in future, remember getting her to pay you back was like getting blood out of a stone so on the day you go somewhere she coughs up the cash, don't lend her any money again because she is expecting you to pay for both of you and thats not fair, regardless of the fact she is unemployed.

Entitled or what, shes' a cheeky cow.

Op do not make plans again with her. I had it a bit with my friend always buying coffees etc. Oh I get it next time. Now I just bring a fiver for my own drink.

Ditch..

It's her attitude that I'd be annoyed over mostly. If she said 'I'm really sorry but things are tighter than I thought and I really can't pay you back for a while, when we booked the tickets I genuinely believed I could..' then I would say it's your treat as a one off, helping a friend in need. But the way she brushed you off is really disrespectful. If you want kids to hang out maybe meet at playgrounds for a bit of small talk but without an apology or explanation I'd find it hard to stay good friends.

I would not let the fact that tge children seem to like playing together influence my decision to dump her at all. She is a bad influence on her own children and will pass along her careless, cf, using habits. Then your children will have to deal with it expressed through her children. You need to think about this as teaching your children to have self respect, good boundaries, and good judgment. They should learn from you not to be doormats or to accept rude and insulting behavior. And manipulating you into paying, lying about repayment, snd then pretending to be surprised that you are stingy is very, very rude and manipulative.

This.

Nah, that friendship would be dead after the 'going on about it' line.

So what are you going to do now?