To re-think friendship over this?

[carelesswhispers9]

have a friend who is unemployed and has a little one and so do I.
We took out children out on a pre-arranged trip to a theme park and as 2 adults and 2 children was cheaper than individual tickets I bought the family ticket online and she agreed to pay me her half cash on the day, she didn’t, she turned up without any money but promised to give it to me at the weekend but she forgot, she then said she would give it to me when she saw me a few days later, she didn’t.
A couple of weeks later we met up again and I asked her if she had my money and she laughed and said “you’re not still going on about that are you?
I said I kind of need it and she said “oh come on you work and have money, I don’t.
I don’t have a lot of money and wouldn’t have agreed to it if I thought she wouldn’t give me the money as I also drove nearly 2 hours each way on my petrol.

I am unlikely to ever see this money again but our children get along and we do have a good time together, would you let it go or phase out the friendship?

She has never asked me for money ever but I was just annoyed as it felt like she tried to ridicule me for “still going on about it, when she obviously assumed I would just let it go and move on.

Write off the money.

Dont respond to any other messages or calls.

If she directly asks you what’s wrong you just need to say you don’t think you’ll have much availability for a few months.

Then find a nice new friend!

Why on earth would you want to hang out with someone like that?

“Sally please send £xx to my bank for what you owe and said you would pay three times. My bank details are xxxx.” If she says no, block.

Do this. She’s not a friend, she’s a CF.

Im in a fairly similar situation, my friend says, its ok for you, you dont know what its like to have nothing. I dont have ANYTHING.
I said, but me having more doesn't mean youre free to take from me.

If the kids get along, then park meets. Dont ever lend anything, dont get into saying, this round of coffee is mine, youll do next.

How would an unemployed person afford a trip to a theme park? They’re extortionate. I think alarm bells should have rang straight away for you to be honest. It wasn’t a cheap trip to softplay. Of course I’d now be dropping the friendship too, she’s a user.

Yeah I think this is what got me the most, if she’d intended to pay but due to unforeseen circumstances she didn’t have the means to and told me that then I would have understood but she took no accountability and fobbed me off until she hoped I’d leave it and then made me look like a pain for keeping on.

I take my child out to things like this as a treat and that money could have funded another day out for us but instead she’s been chauffeured down the country at my expense and treated her child all on me and by her own resolve.

Nope hard no. I've had this. Not paying me back for tickets as I had more money. Erm. In the end there was another event that I was treating my friends to as it was a big birthday. I messaged her and said if you don't pay me back for X, I'm not treating you to this. That sorted it out and I never paid things in advance again for her

It was £176 for a family of 4 and so she was going to give me half.

I agree it’s a lot of money for me too which is why it was a special treat but she didn’t have to go.
I was silly to trust her but our children have been friends for years and we have regularly socialised so I didn’t think she would do this.

God she is a terrible user. Does she think you work just for fun? It’s to fund your life. She is clearly used to others funding hers.

Tell her directly you want the money as a pp had suggested and then take a view on whether you block or just do play dates where she doesn’t need to come I.e. at you house.

So nearly £90?! I'd have rounded it up to £100 to include petrol.

Tight cow.

This is 100% a friendship-ending situation.

Probably worth one more attempt along the lines of 'You agreed to split the costs and I expected you to stick to that' but accept she's most likely not going to pay.

How old are the kids? I’d still let them do things together but I wouldn’t be involved directly with her. What a cheeky person and definitely not a friend.

Oh dear. Your ‘friend’ is a thief. She stole from you in plain sight and then tried to make you feel bad for calling her out.

Get your money back; INSIST on it. And don’t do anything that involves money with her again.

This post nails it!

Don't deprive your chlidren of their friends, but don't go anywhere together that makes it possible for their mum to do this again. 'Going on about it', indeed - that's mean of her.

She’s a CF and is probably bringing her children up the same way.

That's the point...the op continues friendship and it's her kids toys that are played with,her kids toys that get broken/lost or "disappeared" as they get older. The op pays for coffee next time, then they go out of the day and the op buys lunch for the "friend" and kids. The op buys nice presents for the kids...hers gets a cheap colouring book.

Yep saw that with my mum and some of her brothers and sisters. Mum was one of the oldest and dad was earning good money. Strangely when dad got sick and we were on benefits....

Nope, she’s not a friend she planned to sponge off you

@carelesswhispers9 I would completely cut her off. She stole almost 100£ from your family. Money you could have spent on your child.
Her values don't align with yours and unfortunately her child will be taught that it's fine stealing from others. Next time her child will break or "borrow" your child's toys and friend will laugh it away. I couldn't be friends with someone like this and I wouldn't want my kids to be around them either..

She's at best a Freeloader and at worst a thief.

I'd have no more to do with her and I'd tell her exactly why.

What an utter bitch.

Maybe send her one final attempt by text -

"Here are my bank details for the £100 you still owe me. I did not agree to pay for you and child and I'm upset that you are making out that I am being unreasonable in expecting you to paid me back as promised. If I had £100 to spare, I would be spending it on my own child, not you and yours."

The friendship is dead in the water anyway so you might as well go all out to get your money back.

I went to a museum with a play group mum friend with our children. You had to book and pay tickets on their home page. I shared the link then we discussed going and had tickets for us. She went bonkers "why haven't you got tickets for us!!". She managed to buy tickets. Great.

Later at McD she told me I could pay because I haven't paid at the museum? Gahhh.

I admit I just went on with my life. But tbh she was nice. Never saw it coming.

Ask her again for your money and skip her. Move on. She isn't a friend.

That’s an enormous sum OP especially factoring in your fuel costs on top. Most people would feel ashamed to not immediately repay a friend and pay towards fuel.

I find attitudes to money is a key indicator of whether a friendship or relationship is going to work or not. She is a cf.