AIBU to feel uneasy about my partner's inheritance plan?

[Itisallgoingtobeok]

My partner and I are planning on moving in together. We will each sell our separate properties and buy one together 50/50. He is a widow with 2 DC in their mid twenties. I don't have children.

We are starting to talk about how we would set up finances, and one issue that has come up is that if he dies first he wants his half of the house to pass to his children in trust, whilst I remain able to live in the property until I sell or die. They would then inherit their Dad's half when I die, or get their half if I sell. My half is for me to decide who inherits. FWIW, I would leave my half of the house to him.

This doesn't sit well with me. If he dies first, then half of my home is owned by others. I get on well with them, but I have no idea if they would want to maintain a relationship with me after their Dad's death.

Part of me completely understands why he wants to leave his children his share, but it leaves me in a really tricky position. I really don't like the idea of this at all. AIBU? What have others done in this position? I can't be the first person to have this problem!

Keep your home as an investment property and move into his place?

The answer is dont sell your houses. Rent together instead.

Standard and fair when there are children. I don’t have children, but my mother has done this so her Partner can stay for 3 years after she dies, then the house is returned to us children.

Well as hes male he probably will die before you and it leaves you in a position if you want to sell or move as will you have enough money to buy somewhere and do you want to move or stay there forever,

That's not really how it works. The will once executed forms a life trust for you. You can sell the property providing you account to the trustees for any monies. So you can buy another property with the proceeds and the trust continues.

Yes you have to maintain the property but in effect there is no mechanism to ensure you do this.

The property is effectively yours for the duration of your life. Nobody else will have a right to enter the property, and you can do with it what you like. Have a lodger, grow vegetables, keep dogs etc.

I would advise a short appointment with a friendly wills and trusts solicitor. It will cost you around 150 to 250 for half an hour and you should go armed with questions.

As pp said this is very common and also fair to all parties.

You are being extremely unreasonable. You want to do his children out of their inheritance. It's reasonable for you to be able to stay in the house until you die or sell, you have been provided for.

What happens to the house when you die if he dies first?? No guarantees the husbands half of the house will revert back to the children on your death.

People make wills like that to prevent stepparents getting their hands on the kids inheritance. Rightly so!

Honestly I think he has misunderstood here; how on earth would this be enforceable. Eg I have had my kitchen for 20 years and it’s fine, my friend changes hers every 10 years who decides what is right? Do you spent £10k on a kitchen or £100k ?
There can’t possibly be an ‘right’ answer.

I think this is unfair.

A lot of older people struggle to maintain their homes. Who is to say that the OP won't end up with dementia and a deteriorating house?

The old lady opposite ended up with a pigeon infestation because she never went upstairs and didn't see how bad it had got

His plan makes complete sense. If he gave you it you could promise the world while he was alive but in reality choose not to give his children a dime. He’s protecting them which I agree with.

Don’t buy a house with him if this makes you uneasy, he shouldn’t change this plan.

OP, a lot of people are piling on here but it's really clear your problem is not with them inheriting. I wouldn't be happy with someone else having a say in what I have to do to my home or dictating what I spent money on. As you get older, you might not want to spend on a new kitchen, or live with the upheaval of it.

The house i bought last had not been updated since the 70s, as, according to the neighbours, the chap who lived here said he didn't see the point. It significantly reduced the asking price which is why I could afford it. I can see that people expecting to inherit with a view to maximizing that amount might have pushed for major but not strictly essential work like kitchen and bathroom replacement. I think any legal arrangement needs to spell out what is considered essential for maintenance.

See my above point. The poster is entitled to ALL the proceeds from the property if she sells and can purchase any property up to the value of the current house. If it is less, she has to account to the trustees for the money unused.

Make sure the trust is drafted in the most generous terms and that you have complete freedom to do as you choose. Clauses that seek to limit your ability to sell the property and buy something else are often void, and it would be foolhardy for the husband/partner to try to restrict the clauses.

Op I do feel you are going about this the wrong way. Treat it as a negotiation. See a solicitor - not the one acting for your partner, and ask them about clauses that can be included so you will be free to do as you please.

There's another issue here too. If your DP needs care and his half of the house is used for care fees. This happened with my uncle, who had dementia. His first wife died young and he had three kids. He remarried. When he died, my cousins still expected their half, but it had gone in care fees.

As long as uou can live in the house until you die his plan is reasonable

Maintenance is exactly that, not betterment, but on the other hand op could improve the property with new kitchen, bathrooms etc if she wanted.

Well then they can whistle. If it’s been spent on care fees, it’s been spent on care fees and no longer exists to be left through the will.

Op why not ask for this to be moved to Legal Matters. There are a couple of solicitors who post on there. Aibu is not good. You are getting a lot of misinformation on here . . .

It's a good question. My mum has a neighbour whose cheeky son in law has his eye on her house and is constantly going on about how she should change the kitchen. She tells him he can change the kitchen when she'd dead and gone but he still apparently goes on. And he's the son in law, not her actual daughter. I'd be changing my will to leave it to my grandchildren.

This is what I'm facing. The law has changed since we moved here (France) so DH can't leave his share of our property entirely to me. I'm not spending the next however many years pouring my heart and soul and hard earned money into this place, which was supposed to be my forever home, to have his DD own almost half of it if DH dies before me. But that's how it is. So we'll probably sell when we're finished the renovation and I'll buy somewhere 100% in my name.

My aunt told them to whistle, but it's a consideration nonetheless. I don't know where they thought the care home fees had been funded from.

Don’t do it. I don’t care whether it is the done thing I would never accept these terms or being treated as though my life in my hime was on suffereance.

You’re exactly right and that’s a huge risk, which is why the trust and the lifetime interest is so important.

Why is she being unreasonable? People can do what they want when it comes to relationships and house purchases. She has no legal or moral obligation to buy a house with this guy if she doesn’t like what he is proposing. I don't think I would in her position. It’s not unreasonable of him to want to pass his interest to his children (although the terms he’s suggesting are) but he can’t force other people to agree to this. Heck, she could decide that she doesn’t want to buy a house with him because she doesn’t like the colour socks he wears.

Surely you can see why no parent would be ok with that. It just looks like you want to take their inheritance.

I'm not sure it's telling. It's fairly common to be clear on responsibility for the maintenance of a property in joint ownership in these circumstances.
The non resident owners do have a right to protect their share from any potential devaluing through neglect or changing the space. And the resident paying for maintenance is not unusual because they are getting the benefit of living in the property while the other owner/s isn't. Another way this can be managed is for all maintenance costs to be shared and the resident owner pays the non resident owner rent for the half share they don't own. But this is not popular with residents either.
Its all very messy unfortunately and selling up straight away is usually better.

This makes it different.
You need a solicitor to write something that favours you in the event of him passing and you needing to live there.
If the roof needs repair who will pay? You will probably have low income by then. most of your assets will be the house.
If you need to go into a care home you will need the house sold to finance it. You must not be left with no cash and the other holding up the sale, perhaps trying to buy you out at knockdown value.