Why can’t I report this horrible woman?

[bs125]

Horrible woman who used to be my very good friend, made a malicious police report several years ago about me and my children. It was instantly confirmed by police it was malicious and no further action was taken. I know it was her, I am 100% on this. I have never confronted her as she would just deny it. She tried to ruin my life through jealousy (not jealous of me directly).

I Need to still see her daily and I am civil but inside I am reeling all these years later. I want to wipe the smug smile off her face. She claims to be living as a single person and receives benefits, whilst living the high life not single and not struggling in any way. I want to report her for benefit fraud, but I simply can’t do it. I don’t have it in me to do it.

why can’t I do it? I physically can’t bring myself to do it, my conscience won’t allow me to. When Everytime I see her I get so angry at how smug and smart she thinks she is. I can’t seem to let go of the anger towards her, if anyone has any tips on how to deal with the anger I feel please let me know. Aibu that I feel like this yet still can’t bring myself to report her?

In my opinion it is people who defraud the system who make others think that people can live the high life on benefits and are all for benefit cuts. I would therefore happily report anyone I suspected of benefit fraud as their behaviour impacts everyone.

Well said. If I knew someone doing this I’d report them the minute I knew about it. I’m not paying tax so that someone can take the proverbial. I expect my tax/NI to be spent on people who need support.

I mean, probably because you’re not her. You might hate her, but a little part of you also doesn’t want a hand in ruining someone’s life specifically because you’re not her. I stay the fuck out of benefits situations because I never know; they could be living the high life on credit cards they’ll never be able to pay. You can’t force things that people deserve to happen any faster. She’ll get hers when she gets hers, you’ll have the satisfaction of having had this power over her but just refusing to waste your time getting involved, and when it bites her in her arse, you can have a nice cackle with your mates about it.

Report her. We can’t afford benefit cheats and she’s exactly the sort of person that is ruining the welfare system for people who really need it.
I would say the same if you liked her and she was your friend.
Its fraud and everyone else is paying for her.

If she is cheating the system then report her!

If it's a council tenancy there is a limit of how often someone can stay

How do you know she claims benefits as a single person?

She’s obviously upset you a lot (which is understandable) but do you only see her daily because she lives 2 doors down? I had assumed you were colleagues or similar before you said that. If she’s just someone that lives on your street freeze her out and put her out of her mind.

Wait what?

Is she or is she not defrauding the benefit system?

That is the ONLY thing that matters.

Of course you must report her if she is claiming but not entitled so lying to steal money. It's a civic duty.

Why on earth would "conscience" stop you reporting theft and fraud? She's stealing from all of us.

This, I’m not handing a chunk of my salary over to HMRC so other people can con their way to an easy life. It’s supposed to be to support people in dire need. People who cheat benefits need prosecuting, it leads to a low trust society where we all think others are lying and taking advantage of honest people. Benefits fraud is one route to a break down in community, and needs to be reported and prosecuted. I don’t care if MN thinks it’s busybodying, the idea that someone who steals from the community should be left to enjoy it is ridiculous.

You asked why you can’t report her. Is it because…

• You don’t think benefit cheats should be reported?
• You aren’t sure of your facts?
• You are worried about potential effects on her?
• You are worried about potential comeback on you?
• You still want to be her friend?
• You don’t want to feel like the sort of person who takes revenge?
• Something else?

I think knowing your deeper motivation will help you act and/or move on.

If you are convinced she is defrauding the system, then please report her. If you are right, you are doing us all a favour. The report is anonymous so you don’t need to worry.

Having said that, it is hard to cheat on benefits because the DWP has umpteen ways to check up on people. I regularly have to sent them 4 months of bank statements and a long list of other documents and there has never been any suspicion on me. So I do not believe the vast majority of claims of benefit fraud on here, especially when people say they cannot bring themselves to report it. Why would anyone not report it? It is very wrong, makes a lot of people very angry and it is costing us all money.

i think if it is bothering you so much rather than report (if you are only doing it to feel better and not from moral obligation) I would have to say it to her. Just be direct and honest and have it out with her. Best thing is just to approach it head on don't keep all this anger inside it's not healthy.

What did she report about your children to the police? You can't be 100% sure it was her. Could it have been another neighbour or relative concerned about their welfare?

Revenge is a dish best served cold. I would.

Report her and consider it done. She can revel in her own misery for once. FAFO.

To answer your question though OP, the thing you're uncomfortable with is the fact this is pure revenge on your part. The benefits issue is just a tool, and you know it.
You think revenge makes you as bad as her, and you don't want to be, so you're here wanting the people on MN to persuade you to do it as your civic duty. So you can be both revengeful AND a virtuous person.
Unfortunately, if you were a person who took a high ethical stance on benefit fraud, you wouldn't have waited for your friend to harm you to have a problem with it.
You happily went along with the friendship then, knowing what you know now, seemingly not giving a thought to the greater good.
So you know well that any 'civic duty' now comes from a desire to harm rather than a desire to do the right thing. And that sits uneasily with your self view as a decent person.

Hi @bs125

If she is fraudulent and claiming unfair benefits, report because it's the right thing to do. People in this country work hard and pay a lot of tax because we want a safety net for the vulnerable. Fraud is awful.

Don't report her for the sake of revenge, as you won't hear anything back. Your anger and desire for revenge is only really hurting you. She's living rent free in your head. You are person suffering still -can you try to work on how to let that go? x

"Reporting is worse than any actual fraud"? Nonsense.

I take it, then, that if you or your children are assaulted, or you have your car or phone or kids' bikes or tech stolen, you don’t report it because you feel solidarity with the assaulters/thieves. Right?

I assume you’ll say there’s a difference because benefit fraud and shoplifting are "victimless crimes". That’s rubbish. Quite apart from the moral aspect, and the way humans can organise themselves to live in a fair society, everyone is affected in the end if shops have to put prices up and benefit rules are tightened to cover the cost of the cheats. (And also, of course, those who see all people on benefits as scroungers are confirmed in their suspicions and have a stronger case.)

Ooh you must

Stop seeing someone you hate. Report anyone comitting benefit fraud is a dick.

OP if it makes you feel better then send me her details and i will report her.

or me!

I reported my niece. She has received over £300k in benefits claiming she is too ill to work. Her daughter, at 22 was signed off as long-term sick. My niece was running a car boot business and her daughter was posting on Facebook how she had treated herself to a £100 bottle of perfume (courtesy of the taxpayer).

My niece’s boyfriend tried to claim against the NHS for touching a nerve in his leg whilst trying to save his life. He said he would never walk again. My niece was gleefully telling everyone how they were going to spend their compensation. I reported him too and now he is working full time in Tescos! They split up shortly after.

My sister said she would never forgive me. 6 years later, I still know I did the right thing.

Benefit fraud, knowingly making false claims by lying about your circumstances, is one of the most pathetic and despicable things a person can do. It's literally stealing so they can sit on their arse and live a life of leisure.

Reort it and fuck the ' I won't dop someone in' scuzzy types on MN. I for one and millions of others am not paying my taxes to help people commiting fraud.
If she's innocent then good, if not then she deserves what she gets.