Why can’t I report this horrible woman?

[bs125]

Horrible woman who used to be my very good friend, made a malicious police report several years ago about me and my children. It was instantly confirmed by police it was malicious and no further action was taken. I know it was her, I am 100% on this. I have never confronted her as she would just deny it. She tried to ruin my life through jealousy (not jealous of me directly).

I Need to still see her daily and I am civil but inside I am reeling all these years later. I want to wipe the smug smile off her face. She claims to be living as a single person and receives benefits, whilst living the high life not single and not struggling in any way. I want to report her for benefit fraud, but I simply can’t do it. I don’t have it in me to do it.

why can’t I do it? I physically can’t bring myself to do it, my conscience won’t allow me to. When Everytime I see her I get so angry at how smug and smart she thinks she is. I can’t seem to let go of the anger towards her, if anyone has any tips on how to deal with the anger I feel please let me know. Aibu that I feel like this yet still can’t bring myself to report her?

How do you know so much about her finances if you aren’t friends any more?

I would report her but on MN, reporting is worse than any actual fraud. See also shoplifting etc.

@Anarchy99reporting this woman is not worse than fraud. This woman is committing fraud. Op if you can find it in yourself then report her anonymously. BUT only if it will make you feel better and make you able to close the door on your shared history. Otherwise it’s not worth doing.

@Funnytaster no shit storm. We were friends, she became jealous because I met my now husband. She’s the kind of person who thrives on people’s misery. There’s more to it but I can’t post without it being outing. I have remained an adult in this situation so there has been no shit storms from me.

Look, you could report her and ruin her life. You hold that key in your hand. You are choosing not to do that.

If you are not going to report her then you need to stop treating her like she's your nemesis and let go of the all-consuming anger towards her. Currently you're wasting a lot of energy and stress ruminating on this awful woman, but when you've been handed a loaded gun to point at her, you refuse to shoot it.

Basically, either shit or get off the pot. Report her and be gleefully in the downfall of your enemy, or let go of the anger and accept you're not that kind of person. Right now you have one foot in each camp and that's why you feel so conflicted.

Personally I would report her. She reported you falsely; you can report her truly. I like to make people taste their own medicine though.

Fucking do it! Report her @bs125

you’re not being malicious, you’re righting a wrong (or 2)

And you’d NOT be ruining her life, she’s done that by stealing money she’s not entitled to.

I would be the bigger person and just ignore her. Focus on yourself and stop ruminating on her. You'll just end up going back and forth forever with reports, and what a waste of time and energy that is.

Well I assume you are no longer friends so not sure why you have to see her at all.

Why do you need to see her so much

What a very odd post! OP specifically said that she has never confronted her former friend.

OP, which will make you feel better, deliberately letting it all go, or choosing to justifiably report her for fraud?

Thanks all.

the thing is she has nothing she can report me for unless it’s malicious. If I reported her it’s because she is doing something illegal. I usually keep myself to myself and mind my own business but this pot has been boiling over for years and she’s getting more smug by the day.

Yous are right I really do need to let go of this anger, it’s not good for me. I have beautiful DC who deserve the best version of me not one that is trying to conceal anger.

just infuriates me that people get to try and ruin other people’s life’s through jealousy but nothing ever seems to happen to them.

@bs125
@LittlestBoho has pit it perfectly 👌

You need to make a choice.
Also invest in a punch bag also. I found this a good way to let out my anger, getting a stronger punch and really digging my cousin back was the happy side effect.

Edited to add
I'm a firm believer of she who stirs the pot eventually licks the spoon. You reporting is delivering the spoon

I’d report her. She won’t know it was you.

It's because if you report her you will lose your moral superiority and that's the bit that you cherish more. If you report her, in your mind you become as bad as her.

You seem so intensely preoccupied with her that I doubt that reporting her for benefit fraud will give you the release of anger you are seeking. Other circumstances will come along to feed your anger.

You need to step back from her and work on yourself. It is ridiculous for the idea of vengeance for another's wrongdoing should be so central to your wellbeing.

report her, why not? I was victimised by a couple who lived near to me. I dealt with it and put them back in their box and shortly afterwards they moved but the weeks it took to for me to deal with it were nighmarish. I'd dob them in without a second thought. Play stupid games. win stupid prizes.

I think the problem is you don't actually know it was her. I had a problem with neighbours, they made a complaint to council about a planning issue. I knew who it was, she couldn't look at me, was horrible to my kids. I went to council to read the complaint. It wasn't her.

I agree, and there will always be people who act out and it may seem like nothing happens to them, but in the end they're doing it to themselves, always worrying about what other people are doing.

Focus on your lovely life and leave her to her misery and jealousy.

I think the problem is you don't actually know it was her. I had a problem with neighbours, they made a complaint to council about a planning issue. I knew who it was, she couldn't look at me, was horrible to my kids. I went to council to read the complaint. It wasn't her.

I’d report her. Absolutely boils my piss when people are claiming benefits they literally are not entitled to. She won’t know it’s you.

@bs125 if she is claiming illegally it needs investigating.

Is she doing something illegal? She doesn't need to be single, she just needs to not be living with a partner

Can’t you just stop seeing her? Just block her in every way and move on. I’ve had people let me down over the years, I never ever spoke to them again. It is that simple.

and yes if she’s fraudulently claiming benefits report her but that’s a separate thing, if you don’t see her or speak to her you’d not know that.

Swallow your conscience and do it. You won't regret it.