Why can’t I report this horrible woman?

[bs125]

Horrible woman who used to be my very good friend, made a malicious police report several years ago about me and my children. It was instantly confirmed by police it was malicious and no further action was taken. I know it was her, I am 100% on this. I have never confronted her as she would just deny it. She tried to ruin my life through jealousy (not jealous of me directly).

I Need to still see her daily and I am civil but inside I am reeling all these years later. I want to wipe the smug smile off her face. She claims to be living as a single person and receives benefits, whilst living the high life not single and not struggling in any way. I want to report her for benefit fraud, but I simply can’t do it. I don’t have it in me to do it.

why can’t I do it? I physically can’t bring myself to do it, my conscience won’t allow me to. When Everytime I see her I get so angry at how smug and smart she thinks she is. I can’t seem to let go of the anger towards her, if anyone has any tips on how to deal with the anger I feel please let me know. Aibu that I feel like this yet still can’t bring myself to report her?

You can't do it because you know it wouldn't make you happy. Stop letting her live rent free in your head. Give yourself the gift of freedom and move on. Forget about her, she's of no interest to you.

Yes he lives there full time

Yes he lives there

Thanks all for the replies

Either piss or get off the pot . Report her or just try and forget about it and don’t give her any more headspace than she deserves

You say “just infuriates me that people get to try and ruin other people’s life’s through jealousy but nothing ever seems to happen to them.” Yes, whilst bad people don’t always get their just deserts, in this instance she must be a deeply unhappy, miserable, jealous person to do what she did. No one who is happy would do that. So try and keep that in mind. You have what she wants, you already have the upper hand here.

Benefit fraud is always worth reporting.

You have hit the nail on the head with this one. Thank you

Well, if you know he does for sure... as in is on the bills, electoral roll, council tax etc, and does not live elsewhere but just stays at hers a lot (which is allowed and there is no limit to how much you can stay over), then report her. Oh, and you know still claims benefits.

It is anonymous. The DWP will take it seriously. I have know 2 people get caught claiming they live alone when they don't.

Grow a backbone @bs125, gather evidence, report her.

You could also share that evidence on social networks so not only DWP see it, but also her friends, family and colleagues. Obviously use a fake account

There are so many women claiming to be single parents whilst having their partners live there FT.
It really pisses me off!

However if you don’t want to go down the route of reporting her, perhaps try dropping in “still not engaged?”, “still not set a date”, “why is your DP dragging his feet so much” - not only will this make her feel like shit and cause issues in her relationship but if she does get married then she can’t pretend to be a single mother anymore.

Obviously you’ll need to play it safe as if she’s reading this it will be obvious.

Just remember she is jealous for a reason.
If your life wasn’t better than hers then there’d be nothing for her to be jealous over.

I think you should report her

Ah fuck it, I'd report her. I thought mn hated benefit claimants so wheres the outrage for a fraud one? Report her and feel good.

The benefit fraud reporting line is there for good reason, I wouldn't blame you for using it, especially considering what she did to you, her friend. That's completely unacceptable.

If you do decide to report her, will you spend the rest of your life ruminating on it?

Could you find out if there were any consequences for her false reporting about you?

Why is it bad to report someone who is breaking the law?

OP, I'm going to be completely honest with you.

I know from professional experience that if you report her, the most likely outcome is sweet FA.

I know the DWP like to be seen as cracking down on benefit fraud. They like to scare people into not commiting it by making us all think they are bang on it.

The reality is, they're not. Not by a long shot. They may "investigate". Which will simply mean asking her if she's loving with a partner or making her tick some boxes to confirm her "details are up to date" they might ring her if they suspect something dodge.

She'll probably give some bullshit reason over the phone and they'll accept it. Because they simply don't have the resources to actually investigate properly. And they can't just take your word for it.

All those interviews and hidden cameras catching people lifting weights at the gym while claiming they can't stand unaided that you see on TV? Doesn't happen.

And if it ever does, it's for the big big cases where people are coming hundreds of thousands and have several houses and multiple personas. Not small fry like this.

So honestly, I wouldn't bother. All that's going to happen is you're going to be left even angrier and frustrated while you watch her smugly get away with it.

Just try not to think about it as much as you can, so it doesn't eat you up.

Your concience is making you complicit in a crime that’s to the detriment of the society you live in? Why is your mind and concience trained to be on the opposite side from the law?

You have a great life, great children. Why do you let this person intrude on that? Forget about her, forget she even exists. She doesn’t feature in your life anymore, don’t let her. You’re not jealous of her, if anything it’s pity she’s not in your position of being thoroughly content with what you have. Don’t let the things you can’t control consume you.

You can't report her because you have principles, self worth and self esteem @bs125.☺️ Brilliant attributes, not to be wasted on your sad sack neighbour.

You respect yourself more than you want revenge. Good for you.👏👏👏

Thing is, even if you do report her, you'll not get much satisfaction from it. You'll probably never hear the outcome, unless by slim chance she's prosecuted and it's in the news.
You might hear on the grapevine she's 'been done' but I doubt greatly you'll see much outward change in her lifestyle and behaviour. If she's living with someone he'll just move out or they will make a couples claim, and they'll repay the overpayment plus any fine in installments, and get on with their lives.
If she's smug and braggy, she'll brazen it out.
My point, if you want to do it for ethical reasons, that's up to you. But as revenge it won't really deliver, as you'll not know its worked.

You should report her for harassment of you because that’s what you know she has done wrong. Reporting her for some random thing you don’t know the details of just to be spiteful isn’t the way to handle this I don’t think.

Someone once told me not forgiving someone is like there's an invisible fishing wire between you and them, except the hook is in you not them. They're living their life totally unaware you still hold a grudge. You're the one in pain and the only one that can remove that connection.

FWIW they're spending taxpayers money that could be put to better use, and irrespective of her past actions should be reported imo.

If you report her they will investigate. She'll only face consequences if she has done something wrong - if she hasn't that will be the end of the matter. If she has, then that money should be recovered or at least payment should be stopped because it's meant for people who need it and we are all paying for it in one way or another. You have a moral obligation to report it and you are not on any kind of moral high ground by not getting involved.

Her payments will be stopped when they investigate. If she is genuine, it will cause awful stress.

Another ‘ friend on benefits’ post.

Why not end the ‘friendship’ and stop being so two faced?

You’ll feel better when you make new friends who you don’t have to come complaining to Mumsnet about.