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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go out on my husband's birthday

109 replies

Thatsnotmynamee · 13/07/2026 20:26

I made arrangements with a friend to go to the cinema - there was a bit of back and forth about a date, but we settled on one. I double checked with my husband just now and his face just fell. He said 'don't you remember what that day is'. I felt irritated honestly, like just tell me what it is, why are we guessing...then the penny dropped, it's his birthday. I was planning on going out at 8pm. And a bit of me is like, well...why can't I? We have small children so wouldn't be going out ourselves. We're having his mum round for dinner, it would all be wrapped up before 8. So AIBU to feel like he's being a bit out?? We have fundamentally different ideas on birthdays I think 😬 Would you be pissed off in his shoes? (I have already bought some presents btw, it's not as though I had literally no idea. Am a muppet)

OP posts:
GimmieABreakOr3 · 14/07/2026 11:12

Thatsnotmynamee · 14/07/2026 10:30

I rearranged the trip to the cinema last night.
Again, I'll say I wouldn't care if my husband went out on the evening of my birthday if we had already celebrated earlier - as we are going to do for him. As I've stated multiple times. I felt rubbish for hurting him and sort of retreated inside myself for a bit.Accept that ive been unreasonable. I'll partly blame sleep deprivation from said young children for blanking on the day my friend and I alighted on for cinema.
Fuck knows why I started a thread on aibu 🤣 Remind me never to do that again in my life.

it sounds like you feel more sorry for yourself than your husband.

Notbridezilla · 14/07/2026 11:22

Yes YABU

I am normally the most independent person ever, I go out with friends/without my DH all the time and would never expect him to question this (we’re childfree, I don’t leave him at home doing childcare all the time). BUT I would never make other plans on his birthday. In this situation, if you can’t get childcare (I assume you can’t), have a cosy evening in together with a bottle of wine and a film?
I hope you can rearrange your cinema date with your friend.

PinotandPray · 14/07/2026 11:27

sorry OP YABVU.

shows such little thought you even forgot his birthday and then to just plan to still go out / want to go out. Birthdays are special and are a day to let the people we love most feel extra special.

BeSunnyLemonSheep · 14/07/2026 12:28

GimmieABreakOr3 · 14/07/2026 11:12

it sounds like you feel more sorry for yourself than your husband.

Yeah, I get this vibe too.

Like she’s annoyed and put out she had to rearrange it and her husband is being a dick to be upset about it.

The whole woe is me “I don’t have many good qualities” and “I’m an cunt” and “I’m a piece of shit” act is embarrassing and makes any apology meaningless.

IStillHearTheWaves · 14/07/2026 12:30

'The penny dropped' - this is a wind-up, right?

If not, you're an awful partner.

TJNutbrook · 14/07/2026 12:32

How would you feel if he forgot it was your birthday and arranged to go out with a mate?

dizzydizzydizzy · 14/07/2026 12:32

Yes, I’d be upset if my DP went out with a friend and left me to babysit, even though it is after the end of the ‘party’. I would assume we would be settling down to watch a film together or play a board game or even just a nice chat and a glass of wine.

GimmieABreakOr3 · 14/07/2026 13:13

BeSunnyLemonSheep · 14/07/2026 12:28

Yeah, I get this vibe too.

Like she’s annoyed and put out she had to rearrange it and her husband is being a dick to be upset about it.

The whole woe is me “I don’t have many good qualities” and “I’m an cunt” and “I’m a piece of shit” act is embarrassing and makes any apology meaningless.

Feels narcissistic to me.

Thatsnotmynamee · 14/07/2026 14:14

Oh, it's not a "woe is me" act – I genuinely do think I was in the wrong. I've taken the point though. Thanks.

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