To go out on my husband's birthday

[Thatsnotmynamee]

I made arrangements with a friend to go to the cinema - there was a bit of back and forth about a date, but we settled on one. I double checked with my husband just now and his face just fell. He said 'don't you remember what that day is'. I felt irritated honestly, like just tell me what it is, why are we guessing...then the penny dropped, it's his birthday. I was planning on going out at 8pm. And a bit of me is like, well...why can't I? We have small children so wouldn't be going out ourselves. We're having his mum round for dinner, it would all be wrapped up before 8. So AIBU to feel like he's being a bit out?? We have fundamentally different ideas on birthdays I think 😬 Would you be pissed off in his shoes? (I have already bought some presents btw, it's not as though I had literally no idea. Am a muppet)

Have you cancelled the cinema and apologised to your husband?

I don’t think the major issue is you forgetting that the date you chose was his birthday, I’ve often said, ahh yes next Tuesday works then a day later realised the date is a birthday. BUT it’s the attitude about the why couldn’t I just go out? That is probably throwing everybody into getting a bit mean to you.

Own the mistake, apologise but for gods sake don’t actually go out!

bejaysus..

How does anyone not remember their partner’s birthday?
Mind boggling.

Bit weird

It's really not weird. You made a mistake booking the cinema with your friend on your husband's birthday. Normal people would apologise to their husband and spend the evening with him instead.

Not you though, his birthday is over before 8pm so you can go out. That's weird.

I’d be gutted if my husband did that to me.

I wouldn't give a hoot if my husband went out at 8pm on my birthday, im pretty sure he wouldn't care if I did either.

I’d be mightily pissed of if my DH did that.

Wouldn’t care birthdays are no big deal in our house

So? Just because you live in a joyless household doesn't mean everyone else does.

He was hurt that his wife forgot his birthday. An apology and rescheduled cinema trip should sort that

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, or vice versa. I find MN quite odd , in that lots of people seem to behave like children around birthdays. It’s all very performative: size of fuss being made, size of cake, timing of birthday wishes, quality of present etc. I’m not saying it passes by without reference, but “my whole day all about me, and if it’s not I’ll have a tantrum” no thanks

Or maybe it's just that he's upset that she organised something on his birthday without realising that was the date? You don't see that as a pretty shitty thing to do?

It's a trip to the cinema. Just rearrange your friend

Urgh I have never met one of these weird anti birtday puritans in real life and hope I never do. They always pop up on these threads. I have a mental image of what they are like. Pursed lips and tutting at those that enjoy cake and fun. Joyless.

I think as there are young children and you wouldn't be going out anyway as a couple, then to go out late to the cinema is fine if there was no alternative date.

The bit I find strange is that you didn't realise you had booked it on DHs birthday. Surely when looking at dates with your friends you checked your calendar? I don't understand why so many people don't bother to use one. Even blocking off what might be obvious dates (like family birthdays) means when you look at your calendar you can quickly spot something. Had you done this you could have easily spoken to him about it and said I know it's your birthday but it's the only date we can all do, would you mind if I went out once the kids are in bed?

It might be that had he known you don't see it as important, he might have chosen to say he was going out with his friends.

Also as others have put, based on the number of disappointed women threads where husbands can't do right on their birthdays, I think you need to reflect if this was reversed how you would feel. The fact your forgot is what in a reverse situation would lead to many saying he doesn't value you, LTB.

I feel sorry for your husband, you don’t sound like you give a toss about him.

This is what I was going to say. But also, it just depends if they mind or not. I wouldn’t be bothered, neither would my husband, but the OPs husband clearly does mind, so she shouldn’t go. It’s one day and it’s only a cinema visit with friend, so should be possible to do another time.

So why not just rearrange your plans. ? Can't YOU MIL babysit after dinner do you can go out for a couple of hours?

That’s awful! Can’t believe you forgot the date in the first instance and then when you did recall the date that you didn’t immediately rearrange your plans!!

In the real world most people like some acknowledgment on their birthday. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all.
It’s only on MN I see people saying birthdays are only for children.

I rearranged the trip to the cinema last night.
Again, I'll say I wouldn't care if my husband went out on the evening of my birthday if we had already celebrated earlier - as we are going to do for him. As I've stated multiple times. I felt rubbish for hurting him and sort of retreated inside myself for a bit.Accept that ive been unreasonable. I'll partly blame sleep deprivation from said young children for blanking on the day my friend and I alighted on for cinema.
Fuck knows why I started a thread on aibu 🤣 Remind me never to do that again in my life.

I found your tone weird. Should have made that clear

Reverse about football

I wouldn't necessarily be bothered if DP went out on my birthday, we've both done it on occasion over the years.

But there'd need to be a reason for it, a specific event thats only happening that night, like a gig, or something with a big group of people that DP wouldn't be able to get everyone else to agree on a date change.

If it was something simple like the cinema with one friend that could easily be rearranged I'd be pretty hurt though, especially if it was clear that DP had forgotten it was my birthday that day, and didn't then instantly say "Fuck, I'll rearrange it"