To go out on my husband's birthday

[Thatsnotmynamee]

I made arrangements with a friend to go to the cinema - there was a bit of back and forth about a date, but we settled on one. I double checked with my husband just now and his face just fell. He said 'don't you remember what that day is'. I felt irritated honestly, like just tell me what it is, why are we guessing...then the penny dropped, it's his birthday. I was planning on going out at 8pm. And a bit of me is like, well...why can't I? We have small children so wouldn't be going out ourselves. We're having his mum round for dinner, it would all be wrapped up before 8. So AIBU to feel like he's being a bit out?? We have fundamentally different ideas on birthdays I think 😬 Would you be pissed off in his shoes? (I have already bought some presents btw, it's not as though I had literally no idea. Am a muppet)

Has he ever gone out on your birthday for a few hours?

I think you're beating yourself up too much.

You're not.

Same

I wouldn’t object, in fact, I’ve dropped him off to meet his friends on my birthday but I’m happy for birthdays to drift by. I don’t like receiving presents or Cards for my birthday.

My DH wouldn’t mind me going out on his birthday for something that would he difficult to do on a different date. I would be really apologetic and ensure I arranged something nice for another day. But just the cinema with one friend? Easy to do that on any day that isn’t a birthday. Bit unreasonable.

It's bad enough that you forgot that's his birthday... When you realised you still wanted to go. I bet he's really upset

This has to be a joke post surely....or someone doesnt value their marriage.

You didn’t know when your own husband’s birthday was? What are your other good qualities? 🙄.

I don't have many.

But it’s fine, just message your friend and say ‘oops need another new date’ thus starting the process again. Then enjoy the birthday eveninhowever low key it may be knowing you have the cinema to look forward to ;-)

I’d be pretty upset if it were me

It is a twatish move. Bet you would be royally pissed off if the shoe was on the other foot.

nah, YABU - you forgot it was your husband’s bday?

I am team husband on this one - feel sorry for the poor chap.

Oh, stop it with the “poor me, I’m such a horrible person” faux pity party shit. It’s manipulative bullshit and clear as day 🙄.

I don’t care about my birthday and never want a fuss, but this is just cold and heartless, even for me.

The fact that the day didn’t register is just bizarre.

Oh god no I wouldn’t dream of doing this on my partner’s birthday and he wouldn’t do it to me either, yes I’d be very pissed off!

I’m not precious about my birthday but FFS it’s just bizarre when you could just as easily do with your friend to the cinema any other night.

who made that rule up? 🙄🙄

In our house birthday celebrations can get moved to the nearest convenient day if necessary so I wouldn’t be bothered if my wife went out on my actual birthday. But if she had no idea when my birthday was I would be disappointed

Can't your MIL babysit if she's coming for dinner so you and DH can go out?

I've said I bought presents. I've said I'm making a cake. I've admitted it was thoughtless. What is then to be gained from calling me cold and heartless? I just don't get the pile on mentality - it's AIBU, I know, I know. And one should never post if feeling wobbly. But I honestly felt like shit on a shoe reading some of these replies.

I left my long term partner some years ago. There were no affairs, I had nobody 'lined up'. It was death (of the relationship) by a thousand cuts. Shit like what the OP wants to do was very much a part of it. No individual event was that serious, on the surface, but the overall effect was fatal.

I wouldn’t go out, no. Unless it was something I couldn’t change like a 40th party or wedding etc. But I’d still check in with DH first.

It’s fine that you forgot as long as you apologised , it’s the doubling down and still wanting to go that’s unreasonable.

She's being funny, mixed in with realising she's been a tad inconsiderate

anyway, it's an easy fix

Total dick move.

The fact you didn't even remember your partner's Birthday isn't considerate and to then prioritise your friend/social life over a birthday celebration is not nice.

Feel sorry for your partner tbh.

@Thatsnotmynamee I would elegantly depart the thread and hide it

It is a bit of an epic ball drop, but we all do that sometimes, no need to hang around now you know that