India – loved it, but I came back feeling so violated.

[LondonLass40]

Just back from the Golden Triangle with my husband (43) and 12yr daughter. Stunning forts, incredible food ( lucky no Delhi belly 😀) amazing history is genuinely breathtaking.

But I’m struggling to process the darker side.

One afternoon in Delhi, my husband stayed at the hotel. I took my daughter to a busy market near cannaught place in broad daylight, crowded. A man walked past and grabbed my breast. Right in front of my daughter. He just kept walking. I froze. My poor girl kept asking why he touched Mummy.

Then there was the constant selfie nonsense when my husband was there and men lining up, putting their arms around me, getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

And the worst part was at the Red Fort queue. This guy kept pushing into me from behind – clearly not an accident. I turned around and shouted at him. He didn't run, didn't even look embarrassed , he just walked away ignoring me like I was invisible. I spoke to a security guard who just pretend to do something and did absolutely nothing.

I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable.

I don't know – does this only happen to Western women? I'm sure men like this do the same to Indian women too. How on earth do they deal with this every single day? I honestly don't think I'd go back.

Ugh, that’s totally grim. Sigh, why am I not surprised from the Guardian.

I found the details of that case genuinely traumatic even to read about, I was in the horrors for days. I can't imagine what she suffered, and how her family continue to suffer knowing what she went through.

Yes, I found out about it in Sue Lloyd-Roberts' book The War On Women, that chapter is definitely one of the most upsetting things I've ever read.

Her mother Asha Devi is an extremely brave woman, waiving her anonymity to campaign for rape victims. Her parents were unusually progressive for the rural area they lived in, they supported her wanting to be a doctor, which tragically was taken from her by the murderers. At least they have been hanged so they have no chance of harming anyone else, but too many men like that are still at large.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-india-51969961

The irony in what you have written!
It IS protestantism. To be ecumenical is to no longer be protestant!!

I had to read up on that again as somehow I missed what happened to the perpetrators. It’s good that 5 of 6 are dead. But I read one was a minor (who was not named) so only received the max of 3 years possible. So he is out now, likely
living his best life after almost no punishment.

Well of course roman Catholicism claims to be Christian. So does every other cult which claims to follow Christ.
Many can claim it, but that doesn't mean they are, which is exactly what the Scriptures warn us of:
Matt. 7: "Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?"
Jesus then answers them in verse 23: "And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity."

I spent 3 weeks in India about 21 years ago. Had zero issues. Was in a mixed group but often walked about as pairs of females. Lots of the places mentioned here. The only people asking for photos was little kids. I wonder if it’s got worse over the years?!?!
Turkey was my worst ever experience as a young blond female in my late 20s

Ok hun.

Smart phones. Porn, mainly featuring white western women.

When I was much younger I had my bottom squeezed on a train to Pompeii and on another trip to Italy a man put his hand between my legs on a bus (I was wearing shorts). Men are the problem, not just on long-haul trips, but everywhere.

Saw this just now - uk.news.yahoo.com/brutal-killing-11-old-highlights-010332341.html

Saw this just now while browsing random news stories

The assault was the latest example of the brutal sexual violence that is endemic across India, with over 80 rapes reported to police every day, according to data from the National Crime Records Bureau. Many more assaults go unreported because of victim blaming and shaming, activists say.

India recorded 29,536 rape cases in 2024, little changed in recent years, while sexual offences against children have risen sharply over the past decade. Cases under the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act (POCSO) reached a record 69,191.

Yes, I wouldn’t choose to go there.

I wouldnt choose to go there, nor would i let any child of mine go there - no matter how beautiful it was.

Sorry, but this attitude really is hopelessly naive.

Do you think my father risked life and limb to move his mother, wife and daughters to a different culture, for no real reason other than economic?

He always told us exactly why. Growing up and seeing the horrific treatment of his mother and sisters, he did not want the same for us.

Men in the UK can rape and murder. But you would be very hard pressed to see ANY situations where a child/woman was being assaulted and raped in broad daylight on the high street, and every single man joined in. Not one would help or call the police. They would feel no shame or even that they had done anything wrong.

Then when the victims family find out, is it a common occurence in the UK that they get brutally attacked and killed by their own close family?

All men can rape. But you are truly kidding yourself if you think culture and the resulting very different treatment of women makes no difference to the severity or amount of men doing it.

Unfortunately this is just normal behaviour in quite a few countries. Good job you had your husband with you. The first time I went, the taxi driver asked where I was from, and when I answered London, he said 'London women like fucky fucky'. When I woke up at the hotel I saw a man staring at me through the top of the door which had a glass panel. Staring is not considered rude and they don't have any sense of privacy.

A friend of mine also had drugs planted on her; she then had to pay a big fine to the police.

I would still recommend going, but maybe on one of those escorted tours. It's so beautiful in places and Indian people are generally polite and lovely. Sorry this happened to you.

Where in India?

And idiots pay to visit on holiday. I’m just speechless.

I had similar sexualised comments from a guide in Jordan but ironically only when I was walking with one of the white English tourists. I told him he was being disrespectful and asked if he would appreciate somebody talking to his sister like that (which clearly angered him). But there was definitely a racialised / sexualised component to his behaviour.

Yes, I've heard this behaviour is often linked to the caste system. Trouble is we've been conditioned into thinking all cultures are equal (or even superior, more spiritual, better food and music etc), so we're encouraged to let down our guard.

I would give those countries a wide berth. Yes, they're beautiful in parts, but so are many other places.

Yes, Indians on reddit have started a sub mocking these men called JioWasAMistake. Jio was the cheap Internet access across India (I think) brought in by Modi. Unfortunately, as the sub shows, a lot of men have used it as a licence to be creepy.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.reddit.com/r/jiowasamistake/&ved=2ahUKEwj7svegz9SVAxWYa0EAHcZ_BioQFnoECB4QAQ&usg=AOvVaw0yJZzMmvqtw9FrSMhgVqTW

Yes, the caste system is a big part of it. There have been huge improvements but still a long way to go, and Dalit women are especially vulnerable.

I don't think all of India is this dangerous though. As I said, I don't think the areas mentioned before like Kerala, Goa, Bangalore, Mumbai etc are like that, although overall I don't think any woman should go to India alone.

Delhi & the Golden Triangle are dangerous for women for a perfect storm of reasons, and I do not think women should be going there.

I'm really sorry your father experienced such dangerous to get you out. 💐 I understand the country he was leaving was India?

Well Southern Italy historically and to some extent still had had its own issues with women- Elena Ferrante's Neapolitan Quartet is fictional but shows real attitudes.

Until the 1960s, I think, in Southern Italy rapists were let off if they married their victim due to tradition!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franca_Viola

I went to Pompeii and the surrounding area in 2018 and was fine but otoh I was with a large group.