India – loved it, but I came back feeling so violated.

[LondonLass40]

Just back from the Golden Triangle with my husband (43) and 12yr daughter. Stunning forts, incredible food ( lucky no Delhi belly 😀) amazing history is genuinely breathtaking.

But I’m struggling to process the darker side.

One afternoon in Delhi, my husband stayed at the hotel. I took my daughter to a busy market near cannaught place in broad daylight, crowded. A man walked past and grabbed my breast. Right in front of my daughter. He just kept walking. I froze. My poor girl kept asking why he touched Mummy.

Then there was the constant selfie nonsense when my husband was there and men lining up, putting their arms around me, getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

And the worst part was at the Red Fort queue. This guy kept pushing into me from behind – clearly not an accident. I turned around and shouted at him. He didn't run, didn't even look embarrassed , he just walked away ignoring me like I was invisible. I spoke to a security guard who just pretend to do something and did absolutely nothing.

I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable.

I don't know – does this only happen to Western women? I'm sure men like this do the same to Indian women too. How on earth do they deal with this every single day? I honestly don't think I'd go back.

Yep. Apparently our bodies are public property.

Men are the issue

I had a similar experience in India in the early 90s, in Jaipur. A crowd of young men surrounded me and my friend, both of us tall and blonde, and kept touching us even though our DH's were there. It was horrible and I wouldn't go back even though I'm now over 60 and hopefully invisible.

I'm so sorry that happened to you.
We went to Mumbai last year and Goa and thankfully never experienced anything like that but I think Mumbai is more westernised.

That being said when we booked our train from Mumbai although I wanted to do the real locals train we ended up booking the express which felt more westernised.

After that utterly horrific incident on the bus I absolutely would not visit India even if you paid me. A lot. Just no fucking way.

My friend was told she needed to go for work and she flatly refused. The meetings happened on Zoom. Her employer didn't have a lot to say when she said she would feel incredibly unsafe as a lone female traveller, and she wasn't prepared to go.

Lots of people are replying to say they experienced the exact same behaviour - so why are you determined to make the OP a liar?

yea it’s well known. My friend 20 years ago had two men approach her. They restrained her, stole her money and had a good grope.

And get a new husband with balls

I never went out alone in India, I had my husband with me at all times. I was still asked by several men to have their photo taken with me, but I was never touched inappropriately.

Unfortunately, when you travel to countries where women are not considered equal, the cultural differences can be stark.

I'm just back from Morocco with my dd and I have to say we have been treated with nothing but respect. Amazing people, so I don't recognise this behaviour, thankfully

This sadly is commonplace in many areas of the world where there is little/no equality and women’s rights. People always tell me how lucky we are in Europe and to realise not to take for granted the freedoms and rights women’s have here and the relative lack of sexual harassment on the street/in the workplace . On the other hand my 19 year old daughter travelled around Vietnam, Thailand ,& Philippines with other girls the same age, and didn’t experience anything of this nature there.

Of course this happens in India. There is a reason why there are separate train carriages for men and women. It was a dangerous idea to go to the market alone with your daughter and no man present (although even your husband wouldn't prevent them from grabbing you). From what I heard Indian women also get harassed but they are ashamed to say anything and look down quietly when it happens to them. It's usually western women who react.

I would never go to India as a woman. Women are treated there as inferior to men. Doctors are legally forbidden to reveal baby's gender during ultrasounds because female foetuses would be aborted. It's rooted deeply in their culture. Seeing Taj Mahal is really not worth the risk

Sure, it can happen anywhere, but it’s significantly more likely to happen in India, at a significantly higher rate.

No not necessarily. You can enjoy particular parts of a country or culture or historical exposure but also be horrified by how people live and work and function.

Having used the IIRC booking system...ie the national rail booking system I've not come across gender based carriages!

Did someone seriously ask “what were you wearing?”

Fucking hell.

This

nor would I go to Egypt there’s been lots of issues there like one poster said about her and her friend having poor experiences

all this sort of stuff is well publicised so not surprised why anyone is shocked by it I’m more shocked people put themselves in this position then are shocked/upset/violated.

Why do people have to write posts like this? (seems very common on Mumsnet). You might as well say "I'm not victim blaming, but ...."

I had this experience in India 20 years ago. Went aged 19 with two female friends and we immediately realised we would never ever go anywhere alone. We stuck together like glue. Always shared a hotel room. Still got groped etc but it could have been much worse.

I'm saddened that it's no better these days.

getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do

Defend his wife perhaps....

I spent a year in India in my early thirties and s
didn’t experience anything like that, although being hassled for money and potential for being scammed was higher in Rajasthan. Down south was far more relaxing, Kerala in particular.

Assaults can happen in any country, I got flashed and followed in Marrakesh, wouldn’t stop me going again though.

DS1 runs a department for a multinational that has a large office in India. Female colleagues don’t go there, even with their male counterparts as it’s just too risky.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/gallery/2013/jan/10/india-women-only-train-in-pictures

https://pinkpangea.com/2015/02/indian-trains-where-gender-segregations-works/

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

India is well known for behaviour like this. They have huge issues with rape and otter violence against women. It is one of the reasons why I will never travel there. I will never forget the dreadful high profile case of the female student who was gang raped and murdered on a public bus. Yes we have issues in this country but it is nothing on the scale of India. It is not safe for women and I would never recommend anyone visiting there.