AIBU to wait until after a Barbados holiday to end it?

[Thewrathofsylviaplath]

I've been with my DP for 2 years (I'm 39 and he is 42), but things have been pretty dead for quite some time. No massive drama, but we have become more like flatmates and he is utterly terrible with money and spends it all the second he is paid. He is in thousands of pounds of credit card debt and seems to put a band aid over the problem by taking out balance transfer cards.

My dilemma is that he has booked us a 2 week holiday at a 5 star resort in Barbados this December. He impulsively booked it on his credit card- he was already 5k in debt on his card prior to booking the trip. I haven't been outside Europe since I was 21 and I really don't want to pass up on the opportunity. I could never hope to afford it on my own and I don't want to regret not going when I'm older. It sounds terrible, but should I hold out until after the holiday in December to break up with him?

Yeah that's way too long off to string it out until then if you're sure now. If it was next week, maybe, just to be sure, but it's in 5 months time, you can't pretend for that long and you need to end it now.

OMG. You are not a nice person.
Break up with him. Hope he can get his money back.
And stay single for a while until you've recovered your morals.

Will there be any sharks in Barbados that you can jump?

How grabby and entitled are you?! What if he is planning to propose while you’re there? What will you do then?! Be a better person and end things now for both your sakes.

Absolutely not.
You'd be taking him for a ride, already knowing you plan to dump him on return.
No idea where your moral compass is but I suggest you look really hard to find it.

So you’re letting him get into more debt so you can have a nice holiday, which you’ll be spending with him (& presumably sharing a room with him) whilst fully intending to come home and dump him, because he is bad with money????

agree!

hard sgree!

except I'm sure it must just be a wind up!

Yes, I think it must be, even if she really thought that she’d be unlikely to say it out loud!

Go on the holiday gal, break up with him then shag his sister

What have you decided to do?

I can't decide 😭...But in real life, how many people in real life would actually turn down a free holiday to the Carribbean? The money has already been spent, so I'm considering just going and making the best of it. Perhaps the time away will bring the spark back?

I acknowledge that I'm sounding terrible and I understand the pile on, but I need some time to sort out my finances and work out if there's somewhere I can afford to rent on my own- this won't happen overnight. There's no way whatsoever I can afford to move out at the moment anyway, so it would look really odd now if I suddenly announced that I'm not going. He also bought me a gorgeous designer bag and a really expensive coffee machine a few months ago for my birthday, so I would look soo ungrateful if I just left now.

Omgosh!

The only redeeming comment you’ve made is that maybe the spark will be reignited on holiday…..I hope it is, but if it isn’t, please stop stringing this poor bloke along because he is spoiling you!

Wow what am I reading, how grabby, you’re even going to get him to pay for meals and not put your hand in your pocket. That’s shocking.

Ok , so now you sound like you’re saving until you can move out .
And you’re dumping your bf at Christmas after the holiday .

I’m being geuine when I say i would turn down a holiday to the place I most want to visit in the world , if my plan was to dump him when I get back .
OP that sucks , don’t do that to him !

It sounds like you are happy for him to be bad with money when it benefits you

When I was 12 I realised my bf bored me silly but he had a car and was going to take me to a film a really wanted to see. Even at that age I knew breaking up with him first was the right thing to do.

Crikey, if this is true, your "bf" surely must be on some sort of register by now 😧

Actually good point 🤣 I must have been 14. He was 15 (not from UK so he had his license). He was too shy to even kiss me, hence the dumping.

You are a really nasty piece of work. OMG.

Eh? She originally said that she was 12 and her bf was old enough to drive! In the UK 17 is the driving age. Her original comment made him sound like a predator.

What is wrong with him paying for my meals?

It’s one thing making the most of what has already been paid for but expecting him to pay more for you is next level. Presumably you’ll stick around for an expensive Xmas present he can’t afford either

I’d take the holiday. Fuck it. I think secretly a lot of people would. Plenty of ‘relationships’ are built on financial dependence.

So you know he's crap with money but want to go on the holiday booked and insist you don't spend a penny whilst there? Are you at least intending to have regular sex with him whilst pretending to care?

Are you actually being serious or just looking for a rise ???

There’s nothing wrong with him buying meals for you if you weren’t using the fuck out of him !!!!
You know the holiday is costing him a bomb as it is , why are you trying to milk him for everything he has ???, & then dump him on top of it .
When he is free of you , however it happens, he will be one lucky man .