FFS! Relative upset after children could not ride my competition horses

[DoubleClearYay]

Argh why do people have to be so frustrating!

I have horses and compete regularly. They are absolutely not safe for beginner riders or children. They are competition horses who would quite literally throw off a beginner who wouldn’t be able to ride them.

anyway, a distant relative asked to bring her kids along to see the horses as they are absolutely fascinated by ponies as loads of kids are. I totally get it, that was once me 20 years ago, but I made them aware that realistically they can’t ride them or sit on them. It’s not a pony ride sort of place and it’s a working competition yard. I said they can come and see them, pet them, give them a treat, brush them etc but realistically it’s not pony trekking. They said that’s fine, the kids just want to see them etc

so they came along and basically it was a complete disaster. The kids kept asking to ride and I explained why they couldn’t, but they were getting really upset and their mum kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo or just go for a quick walk. I had to explain that it’s for their kids safety- they absolutely would not be safe on the horses (first of all, there wasn’t even a hat for them). There was tears and arguments and their mum kept saying how ridiculous I was being and I had ruined their afternoon and kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo.

the next issue was treats, they had brought several huge bags of apples and wanted to give every single one. I explained how 1 would be enough each for now, and how I don’t want the horses to get a sore tummy etc etc but we could cut another apple up and leave it in their dinner later etc, again there was more drama about how I wouldn’t even let the kids give the horses an apple, and how I was being precious because people have fed horses bags of apples for years and it’s been fine. I literally said they could give an apple each, just not several bags!

later when I came home there was loads of messages sent to my parents about how I was precious, ruined the kids afternoon, made a drama out of sitting on the horse for a picture and how all they could do was pet or brush the horses (exactly the things I said in advance) and how annoyed they are and feel so let down that I wouldn’t let my own cousins sit on my horses for a photo

sorry, I know this is just a rant and im not really asking AIBU because from a safety POV I know I wasn’t being unreasonable, but ffs why do people have to be so difficult sometimes! Would I be unreasonable to message back and tell them where to go?! (Only half joking 😅)

It never ceases to amaze me how entitled people seem to be nowadays. They don't listen to what anyone says , you are expected to do exactly what they want. Competition horses are a special breed, the don't bond with everyone, they're big and frisky. Not suitable for kids or amateurs. Cousins didn't listen and now want to complain. Send them a message, tell them to never contact you again and then block them .

But not all horses are the same, @Okthen7574 - so just because your competition horses would be fine with a total novice-rider child sat on them, doesn’t mean every horse would be fine. And some horses are nervous, skittish, stubborn, headstrong, even little shits - doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t well trained for their rider and their milieu. Every horse is not suitable for a novice rider!

@DoubleClearYay knows her horses, their temperaments and their likely reactions, so if she said it was not safe for the child to sit on them, surely you agree that she knows best in that situation.

Perhaps her relative could bring her kid to your yard and they can sit on your horse and overfeed them with snacks.

She’s an idiot .
If she wanted her kids to ride then she ought to have taken them to a stables that specialises in that .
The time my primary aged kids and myself ( I was only 50 kilos ) rode on ponies , well they were placid things used to that in a fairly remote place .
no chance of being thrown off and we had all the kit loaned to us .

Stupid person. I feel sorry for her children.

I actually have some experience, and therefore sympathy, of being a child of similarly CF parents. I remember being taken to a distant relatives house and being told I wouldn't get bored there because there were lots of musical instruments for me to play. This relative was a professional musician and had a studio at her home with lots of exciting looking things to bash on or blow through. I was devastated to be told I couldn't touch anything and remember my dad pleading and arguing about how it would be such a wonderful experience for me. Of course, as a child you are programmed to believe your parents are doing the best for you and this woman was therefore a bitter old witch. Looking back on it now, I'm utterly mortified that she was put in this position.

I've had it the other way as an adult too. I'm a keen photographer and have a lot of very expensive, and fragile, equipment. My SiL keeps asking if my nephew can play with my fancy camera. He'd have so much fun and she'd love to see the kind of pictures he would take. He's four and my answer is always absolutely not. My parents, who clearly haven't changed, tell me off for valuing my "toys" over my nephew which is such a ridiculous summary of the situation.

Moreover though, as devastating as it would be to suffer a broken camera or musical instrument, it's still nothing compared to the thought of causing harm and distress to a beautiful horse. They are sentient beings, not toys to be brought out on a child's whim, or for their CF parent's photo opportunity.

I hope you and/or your parents are able to get through to your relative and that she can reflect on her awful behaviour.

So it could have gone another way... you give in to the parent's complaining, and the children sit on the horses without any protective gear... the horses bolt, rear up, etc... the children fall off... serious/life-threatening injuries to the children, and you most likely would have received the blame for that. It's not your fault that the parent did not have any horse sense. Good job you had.

The correct response to this is ‘you can ride my horses if I can crash your car.’

I never invite people up to meet the horses if they ask first. In my experience those are always the entitled, pains in the arses.

I do my fair share of ‘why don’t you come up and meet the horses / help at the farm’ offerings to people / with kids I think will genuinely appreciate and don’t expect it or that I want to share that special corner of my life with.

We also have competition horses.

Apart from the appalling entitlement of these kids’ mum, and the fact that she was pushing for you to let them do exactly what she had agreed they weren’t allowed to do, I’m mindblown that she’s messaging your parents to complain! What’s it to do with them?! If I were in your parents’ place I’d give her an almighty bollocking that she’d never forget.

Be very careful- she now knows where your yard is and which horses are yours, and is obviously an idiot who hasn’t listened to you, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t turn up one day with the kids to “see Double’s horses” and do everything you didn’t allow. Have you warned the yard owners?

I don’t blame horses for not wanting a novice rider plonked on them. They know that this person is going to constantly jab them in the mouth, balance themselves using the reins, and give conflicting signals with their legs, seat and hands.

TBH with him I think it was this person doesn't know how to stop me eating. He was the most food obsessed equine I've ever met. At one stage we had 3 and I used to let him come in loose while I led the bigger ones. He used to just walk quietly in front until we got to the stables, dive in one of the others, grab a mouthful of their tea and then dart out and go in his own stable.

@Mandaxx25
”Nobody would act like that if they'd been previously told about things.”

Surely you don’t believe that this doesn’t happen? You tell people not to do something and they always obey? You must have spent your life around very sensible, intelligent people!

A large part of my whole job is about preventing people doing dangerous things, because you can never, never rely on just telling them. And we pick up the pieces when someone does what they have expressly been instructed not to do, and had even been given training on why they shouldn’t.

😂 Smart lad, I like him already!

Spoilt whiney kids + Entitle Mother - I bet they have their own Youtube/TikTok channel as well. You dont need people like this in your life - give her and her brood a wide berth.

Moved my horse to a new yard where there was a lady who came up weekly for lessons (it was a riding school but I was private livery). She took a liking to mine and would wander round the private section of the yard, no problems, she was an adult, I assumed she would not do anything silly. Came up one day, she'd taken him out of his box, scrabbled through his grooming kit and was giving him a thorough going over. She didn't know he was a kicker when I first got him so you had to be careful round his hinds. I couldn't believe she had decided to get him out to groom him! I had to have serious words and banned her from touching him.

At the same yard, a group of older teens (nothing to do with the yard) decided to hop over the fence one day to use the stabled horses in a music video they were making. They couldn't understand why we got cross at them for coming en masse to a yard where they had no right to be.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

They don't

Two experienced horse riders have very recently been killed in accidents at horse events.

Your relatives should be thankful you were careful and didn’t risk their kids safety,