FFS! Relative upset after children could not ride my competition horses

[DoubleClearYay]

Argh why do people have to be so frustrating!

I have horses and compete regularly. They are absolutely not safe for beginner riders or children. They are competition horses who would quite literally throw off a beginner who wouldn’t be able to ride them.

anyway, a distant relative asked to bring her kids along to see the horses as they are absolutely fascinated by ponies as loads of kids are. I totally get it, that was once me 20 years ago, but I made them aware that realistically they can’t ride them or sit on them. It’s not a pony ride sort of place and it’s a working competition yard. I said they can come and see them, pet them, give them a treat, brush them etc but realistically it’s not pony trekking. They said that’s fine, the kids just want to see them etc

so they came along and basically it was a complete disaster. The kids kept asking to ride and I explained why they couldn’t, but they were getting really upset and their mum kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo or just go for a quick walk. I had to explain that it’s for their kids safety- they absolutely would not be safe on the horses (first of all, there wasn’t even a hat for them). There was tears and arguments and their mum kept saying how ridiculous I was being and I had ruined their afternoon and kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo.

the next issue was treats, they had brought several huge bags of apples and wanted to give every single one. I explained how 1 would be enough each for now, and how I don’t want the horses to get a sore tummy etc etc but we could cut another apple up and leave it in their dinner later etc, again there was more drama about how I wouldn’t even let the kids give the horses an apple, and how I was being precious because people have fed horses bags of apples for years and it’s been fine. I literally said they could give an apple each, just not several bags!

later when I came home there was loads of messages sent to my parents about how I was precious, ruined the kids afternoon, made a drama out of sitting on the horse for a picture and how all they could do was pet or brush the horses (exactly the things I said in advance) and how annoyed they are and feel so let down that I wouldn’t let my own cousins sit on my horses for a photo

sorry, I know this is just a rant and im not really asking AIBU because from a safety POV I know I wasn’t being unreasonable, but ffs why do people have to be so difficult sometimes! Would I be unreasonable to message back and tell them where to go?! (Only half joking 😅)

In future... No

I'm not a horsey person but that scenario was mad.You obviously know your stuff.
They're living things that have requirements etc.
They're not toys the distant relative is a prize idiot.

Send thr message back to her and ask what part of your former message was confusing

Incredible behaviour from your stupid relative. Horses are big, powerful animals, you don't mess with them!

This "grown up" is your aunt?
She's embarrassing herself. Sounds like shes told her kids they can ride - she clearly doesnt know how dangerous horses can be. Whose fault will it be if they get thrown off and sustain injuries? I dont think u can win with this woman. You are looking out for the safety of the children, and the copius amount of £ and care you have put into your horses. Let her have her tantrum, you did the right thing.

You are definitely not the AH here. I used to bring on competition horses to sell on. Sorting out ex racehorses to be vaguely sensible was never going to be producing a hack for beginners. You were a lot more polite than I ever was to apple feeding dolts who were under the impression that I ran a riding school for kids.
I didn’t have to deal with passive aggressive texts, thankfully. Glad you stood your ground. Your cousin would be blaming you should her precious child get hurt. You are right about the life altering injuries. They happen all too easily. It can take a second.

I’m not horsey.
I LOVE horses and follow a few characters on Instagram. I’m staggered that some people can be so clueless about the complexities, the emotions, the personalities and the potential dangers of these animals and why they aren’t prepared to listen to the experts that own them.

These people are dickheads. Horses are massive machines which most normal humans understand can be extremely dangerous. My horsey friend has no top teeth due to a horse kick and continual back problems from falls - she was always safe but even safe riding of big competition beasts is dangerous.

Don’t give these people another thought. Anyone who doesn’t ‘get’ that your decisions are rational is genuinely not worth bothering with. I’d also question your parents communicating the info unless they were doing it in a ‘what a dickhead’ way.

I would message them, once and once only, and say Before you came I explained that 1) no one can ride the horses. 2) the children could brush, pet and give them a treat.
These are working horses, NOT suitable for children or any non experienced riders. If you did not agree to this then sorry but you should not have bought the children to see the horses.
If they don't like it tough, would they let their children pet a vicious guard dog - then sue the owner when they got bit.

My dad suprised me with a pony when I was in my teens, his name was Rebel and boy was that an apt name! He was a nightmare, forever throwing me off or galloping off with me like we were one of the four horseman of the apocalypse! Two adults had to pin him against the wall so I could muck him out, he used to try and bite the back of my head when I was putting hay nets up! He was brutal! Nobody should ever assume all horses are friendly and docile! Like dogs, they can have behavioural issues if previous owners have failed them or mistreated them.
He broke my wrist eventually and I remember sitting in the plaster room of the hospital waiting with my mum for a cast and we ended up talking to another young woman who had also been thrown from her horse and she was waiting to have both arms put in cast!! What a nightmare that must have been for her!!

Yep. I can just imagine this CF, I bet she'd been telling her kids all week that they were going for a ride on the horseys and feed them lots of apples and wasn't it going to be fun, never mind that owner of said horseys had already been clear that this couldn't happen. The kids' disappointment is unfortunate, but it's all on the CF mum for getting them excited for something she'd already been told wasn't happening. I bet she'd been mentally composing her #makingmemories #livelaughlove cutesy Insta posts too and felt thwarted. She put OP in an absolutely impossible position, I'd be fuming at being guilt-tripped over this. And the bags of apples were batshit too.

Just ignore it- there are people who insist on not understanding , because it suits them. Your cousins sound like whiney entitled brats, be sure not to host them again. Explain it to your parents and cut the cousins from your contacts.
I had a pony , not really safe to ride for beginners, I had a similar scene with a friend- she came back to the stable when I wasn't there and went for a ride, and had the nerve to complain they were nearly thrown off- I cut them from that day.

Lol @ this 1st world problem

I would never let anyone sit on my horses ,let alone ride them. Don't ever entertain them at your yard again. I wouldn't even bother replying to any such nonsense.either, they obviously know nothing about horses. ❤️🐎🐎🐎

I'm a BHS coach and worked in riding schools and livery yards.
This is an age old problem, and you are not alone.
Hats, insurance, safety etc.
Some people have no concept that half ton plus competition horses with minds of their own aren't seaside donkeys.

If something bad had happened I'm sure she'd be screaming for your insurance details.
I have found, 'only owners are allowed as there's equine flu, strangles, NMA (no muppets allowed) out break in area.

I wouldn't get on a horse myself without a hat on. I often wear mine for turning out! Its a rule on my yard that under 16s have to wear a hat in the field.

I have horses so understand that entirely however, more than one apple would not cause any problems. That you were being daft about it

Stupid ignorant cow with zero understanding of how animal welfare works. I would ask her if you can sit on her kids and ride around on them and take photos? Tell her she is being utterly unreasonable to not let you. And then insist that each child eats lots of apples and act surprised when it gives them the sh*ts.

Absolutely not unreasonable - I work in a hospital and have xrayed children/adults with multiple fractures after falling from horses, even horses they were used to.

You did absolutely the right thing. Safety first.
Don't give it another thought xxx

I remember when I was about 11/12, I went on holiday and visited some of my dad's side of the family. They were distant relations who I'd never met before. They had horses stabled on their farm.

I had previously had a few riding lessons but was not what you'd called competent.

They said I could have a ride on their horse. They got it all saddled and got me a helmet. Only, they didn't have a mounting block.

So, I tried getting on without one. Went right over the other side and fell badly on my shoulder. Blacked out, too.

I've had shoulder problems for the rest of my life. I've repeatedly dislocated that shoulder, and now I have to be very wary of what I do.

I don't blame anyone for the accident. It happened on a very relaxed, and not particularly huge horse, to someone who had done some riding, and, thankfully, I had a helmet.

I don't blame you at all for not letting your cousins on your horses. Accidents happen far too easily. Whether it's horses, dogs, or other animals, it only takes a second for an accident to happen. It will always be a gamble, and when you know your animals well, you know just how big of a gamble it will be.

Just imagine how awful their mum would have been if one of the kids ended up with an arm bone sticking out or a cracked skull.

I can empathize with your frustration and irritation. I have had horses for most of my life (as a child, pony club for my kids, shows, etc) and people are absolute idiots around horses. Your relative is also a total ass. I am sure if one of her kids was injured she'd be suing you as fast and hard as she could. I wouldn't even bother sending her a message--she's too dense and rude to even comprehend how awful her behaviour was.

I bet you're right about the instagram posts she'd been planning, lol. What an ass. I'd totally block her number everywhere.

Funny, these moms so intent on getting their kids a (free) horse ride don't seem too interested in forking over the cash and buying their precious kid their OWN pony, do they? But more than happy to use yours for free. Ixnay to that. Go pay someone if you want your kid to ride, or buy your own.

Sorry i don't believe this. I've seen far too many stories with the exact same format on AITA and other groups. Nobody would act like that if they'd been previously told about things. Yes there are absolute nightmare people out there but not this many of them that all act the same way. I'm surprised you didn't put the final bit about how your mum agrees with them and isn't speaking to you but your dad is on your side 🙄