FFS! Relative upset after children could not ride my competition horses

[DoubleClearYay]

Argh why do people have to be so frustrating!

I have horses and compete regularly. They are absolutely not safe for beginner riders or children. They are competition horses who would quite literally throw off a beginner who wouldn’t be able to ride them.

anyway, a distant relative asked to bring her kids along to see the horses as they are absolutely fascinated by ponies as loads of kids are. I totally get it, that was once me 20 years ago, but I made them aware that realistically they can’t ride them or sit on them. It’s not a pony ride sort of place and it’s a working competition yard. I said they can come and see them, pet them, give them a treat, brush them etc but realistically it’s not pony trekking. They said that’s fine, the kids just want to see them etc

so they came along and basically it was a complete disaster. The kids kept asking to ride and I explained why they couldn’t, but they were getting really upset and their mum kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo or just go for a quick walk. I had to explain that it’s for their kids safety- they absolutely would not be safe on the horses (first of all, there wasn’t even a hat for them). There was tears and arguments and their mum kept saying how ridiculous I was being and I had ruined their afternoon and kept insisting I let them just sit for a quick photo.

the next issue was treats, they had brought several huge bags of apples and wanted to give every single one. I explained how 1 would be enough each for now, and how I don’t want the horses to get a sore tummy etc etc but we could cut another apple up and leave it in their dinner later etc, again there was more drama about how I wouldn’t even let the kids give the horses an apple, and how I was being precious because people have fed horses bags of apples for years and it’s been fine. I literally said they could give an apple each, just not several bags!

later when I came home there was loads of messages sent to my parents about how I was precious, ruined the kids afternoon, made a drama out of sitting on the horse for a picture and how all they could do was pet or brush the horses (exactly the things I said in advance) and how annoyed they are and feel so let down that I wouldn’t let my own cousins sit on my horses for a photo

sorry, I know this is just a rant and im not really asking AIBU because from a safety POV I know I wasn’t being unreasonable, but ffs why do people have to be so difficult sometimes! Would I be unreasonable to message back and tell them where to go?! (Only half joking 😅)

As a fellow horse owner - I'd be inclined to bite back. Tell your parents and these pains in the arse that they abused your hospitality, were rude, did not manage their childrens' expectations and won't be welcome again.

This, followed by ‘get to fuck’ for added impact.

If you want to respond just resend the original message you sent, explaining exactly what the kids would (pet, brush, feed a treat) and wouldn't (sit on, go for a walk) be able to do. If anyone else in the family gives you grief, send them a copy. Or ignore completely and get on with your life. Not your fault the mother didn't tell her children what to expect or doesn't enforce boundaries so they think making a fuss will get a different outcome.

Because people were talking about horses injuring kids, I read this the wrong way round like the horse booted the kid and fed her grass cuttings. I was like, she fucking what 🤣

Not unreasonable, ive grown up and still live local to Newmarket, owners/riders/ trainers all have v strict rules and expected behaviour around horses. I think as a wider community we have a heightened awareness of this and the amount of time, care, effort, not to mention money is in the industry. So no not unreasonable and never, ever have them over again x

Why would she want to put her children at risk by expecting to ride unsafe horses? Were they all tacked up as she probably thought it was easy just to put her children in the saddle and go for a little walk.

I can't believe how rude and entitled some people can be. You were kind and gracious to allow them to even visit the horses. I hate how people see animals as a cute accessory for social media. It could've been a great opportunity to teach the children something and helped inspire a love but also respect for horses. Sorry OP you tried to do something nice.

Crikey, your 'distant relative' sounds like an absolute nightmare.

They are obviously completely clueless where horses are concerned, and had no intention of listening to you.

First and last visit for you relative and their children to see your horses I think!

Totally agree with you. Even when I was a child we were never allowed to let friends ride our ponies and horses. They are not toys.

I'm not famed for tact where it comes to animals.

'Tell you what, how about you bring the kids round for tea and I'll provide a couple of bags of MDMA? That's got a better safety profile than dumping three kids without protective headwear or any experience on a horse that's way too old and way too big and way too fucked off with the world in general to be used for a fucking Instagram photo. It's cheaper than the vet bills you'd face from the stables from giving them a ton of apples, too'.

The OP brought back a memory for me from the mid-80's.

We ranch and farm in the western U.S. My husband's family would use horses (bomb proof old nags) for rounding up and sorting their cattle. They weren't horse people and considered horses a necessary evil. I am a horse person and at the time owned a well-trained, high headed high stepping Morgan show horse. He'd been only used in the show ring before I bought him. I rode him in the English style and while riding, I always had light contact with his mouth. He was well trained & sensitive to a slight shift of weight in the saddle, or leg pressure. This horse had been used for breeding and had been gelded at 7 years old - just before I bought him.

My sister-in-law, in her 40's at the time, comes for a visit. My husband always told me what a good rider she had been in her teens, but hadn't rode since. The trouble is, my husband wouldn't know a good rider if one jumped up and bit him. He believed that when I posted to a trot, I was only doing it to show off. He also told me children shouldn't have riding lessons, instead they should hang on and figure it out - after their dad hits the horse in the bum with his hat. "That's how we all learned", he told me. They ride with the reins dangling down, gripping the saddle horn most of the time and kicking their heels a lot to make the horse go. Oh, and saying "ho" to make it stop.

So his sister shows up and my husband offers her a ride on my flighty show horse, whom I'm slowly getting used to riding on trails! I give my husband all kinds of facial expressions to say 'no', but he has Asperger's and doesn't do facial expressions. Long story short; horse and rider disappear into a big cloud of dust, heading towards the far distant hills and canyons. I watched my horse galloping flat out on that hard rocky ground and worried so much about his legs.

After sometime, they came back both in one piece. It was then I realized, in these parts, a 'good rider' is someone who doesn't fall off. After that ride my horse wouldn't walk up that steep trail ever again. He'd break out in a sweat and rear when I held him back. He was not what you'd call a level headed horse.

They sound like selfish people who do not listen. I don’t know the first thing about horses but I do know that competition horses are not the same as donkeys at the beach and if I was visiting a person’s horse I would do as they asked!

Don’t worry OP, you’d explained it all beforehand. This is about them, not you.

Your relative sounds thick as shit.

Then they'd be screaming about why if you let this child ride, why wouldn't you let theirs!

Not unreasonable at all. There's only select few grown ups allowed to sit on my sensitive tb mare. That said, I trust her enough to do lead rein walks for my daughter and she is an ANGEL, but I can feel her channelling her best good girl energy in to every step 😂😂

My SIL did a lot of horsey stuff from an early age. She was a very experienced rider and had a beautiful but highly strung horse and my daughter who took riding lessons knew that the closest she'd ever get to that horse was to pat it's nose over the stable door. Neither me nor SIL would have allowed her on its back even for a quick photo.

Coz obvs she didn’t want to pay for it! Cheeky feckers OP

Thanks for the laughs @NewNewForest , the picture in my head of you driving to her wedding with your two totally untrained, totally mismatched, totally freaked out horses really tickled me!
The level of stupidity is hard to fathom, even compared to the OPs relatives.

I actually don't think cousin's offspring is genuinely interested in horses. Their mom probably just wanted to brag on social media.

Best advice I received from a good old friend - keep a massive distance, whenever possible. You basically invited trouble by inviting them. Sorry, they are competition horses, they don't like people/children they don't know. You can go and see them in a petting zoo. Or your mum can sign you up with kiddy riding school and they do lessons. Competition horses!!!! It is like having a Bösendorfer in your house and invite little kids who want to play a recorder, to have a go at it. I keep a massive distance at all times - but I meet my friends, my friends with children and my children's friends in a restaurant, at a museum, in a cinema and in cafes - tmi but just to make sure that in keeping a distance I still socialise.

Yes message them back and tell them where to go and how you explained everything about the horses before their visit so wondering why they messaged your mum with a complaint.

I don’t know. I think it’s a them problem not a lack of experience problem. I’m not a horsy person in that I’m not involved with riding and looking after them. But I do know you can’t randomly give them treats because of the risk of colic. I also know that people do get seriously injured and die from horse related injuries.

It’s more of a rules don’t apply to them situation. I bet they are like that in many areas of their lives and drive others mad a lot of the time. I think it’s likely due to not being told ‘no’ enough times in their childhood so they get the idea they can do whatever the hell they like.

It’s the kind of people that think it’s other people’s problem if they don’t like them talking all the way through a film at the cinema. Who regularly let their children scream in the garden at 6am. Who don’t supervise their kids in restaurants so they go around shrieking and nearly running into the waiting staff. You get many of these types on here who argue that anyone who complains about this kind of behaviour just doesn’t like children, should stay at home all the time etc etc.

I’m sure you could take other non horsey people who aren’t thoughtless wankers and they’d think it was magical just being round them, being able to give one apple each, would listen to instructions etc. And as for messaging your parents to complain, only the cheekiest of CFs would do that.

And a lovely photo of the kids feeding or stroking the horse's nose with some advice about asking the owner which horses and which food is safe would have been just as lovely!
Stupid mum.

Yanbu. You was very clear on what would and wouldn't be happening with the horses, parent should have made that clear to them and backed those rules up when children became upset. I'd be telling her she and her children would not be able to come see the horses in future.

Can my children ride your horse?

Only if you’re happy to go home via A&E 🤷‍♀️

Silly woman