Being told that as a size 18 I can’t wear certain clothes

[isaidmaybeyoure]

I do appreciate that when posting canvassing for opinions on outfits etc., you will get all sorts of responses.

But I have been told a few times now that as a size 18, I should cover up and not expose too much skin, basically purely because of my size.

AIBU to think this isn’t okay? I have as much a right to get my shoulders out as any other size!

@Ipollita

OP, did you forget that you posted a photo of yourself upthread? It’s very clear that you’ve been edited to look significantly smaller (your arms especially) in the ChatGPT image. Look I don’t care what you choose to wear or what you look like but you’re being straight up dishonest.

The OP's body/shape looks the same in both dresses, and the OP doesn't look 'significantly smaller' in the ChatGPT pic with the black dress. But the 2 pics side by side do prove (IMO) that the black dress is more flattering than the white one.

Maybe it’s your screen, but I’m on iPad Pro and there is a very visible difference, in her arms, even her fingers.

Look OP, wear the halter-neck dress if you like it and feel good in it. There are more flattering dresses out there that you will look nicer/better in but if you’re not worried about flattering, then go for it. There is no denying that for someone a few sizes smaller, the dress will be more flattering but you are the size and shape you are and you like the dress, so go for it.

Sometimes though just because you can fit into something, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the outfit for you, no matter what size you are.

You asked for opinions and got them. Some were not to your liking. Next time wear what you feel good in and don’t ask others.

Maybe it's your eyes, because on my MSI Titan 18 HX ai Elite, there is very little difference.

I'm on a shitty ancient laptop and I can see a clear difference to be fair.

Yes, there's a very slight difference... arms slimmed down slightly for example. But that poster said that in the ai image of the OP in the black dress, she looked 'significantly smaller,' than she did in the pic in the white dress with black spots, (that is an authentic pic of the OP.)

That is clearly rubbish.

She does not look 'significantly smaller,' Yes, she looks a bit slimmer in the black dress, because everyone does. Black is slimming! The white dress with black spots is poofy and sticks out and makes her look bigger.

.

Did the op ever link to this thread where she was supposedly harangued for considering wearing a halter neck?

the most recent thread I can find in style and beauty about being size 18 is from a couple of days ago and the poster asks for summer dress suggestions - and all lovely responses and definitely not covering up dresses encouraged!

@Radicalrach ,Which dress for the evening do of a wedding? | Mumsnet, I think.

It does really suit her.

She does look significantly smaller, look at her hips, waist, hands and arms. There's a huge difference 😂

Let's maybe just stop looking at the op and making personal comments?

I’ve worked damn hard for my size 20 body. It is expensive to maintain - I will show off which ever bits of it I want!

In fact my shoulders and arms are
my best bit, I lift weights a lot and they are in good shape, I have to wear larger sleeved tops as my biceps are too large and firm for most shirts.

My eyes are fine and it’s not offensive to say there is a visible difference, which is signifant, I understand you can’t see it, but I’ve no idea why you’re seeing your arse as others can,

I genuinely don’t get these types of posts. If you’re a size 18 and want to wear the dress, then wear it. Problem solved. No need for a full public consultation panel: just put it on and go live your life.

And honestly, at the end of the day, OP is probably going to wear it anyway, so we’ve all just been here for the group brainstorming session for no reason.

Also, the idea that staying slim over 30 (especially after kids) just magically happens is wild. It’s not fairy dust, it’s routine: cooking from scratch, exercising, and actually paying attention to what you eat. Shocking, I know.

I think it depends on lots of things:

1. what you’re actually wearing when asking - a strappy top is quite different to a pair of hot pants with a boob tube. I say this irrespective of size.
2. where you’re wearing it too/occasion. Rocking up to a school concert in a bikini top and hot pants with flip flops would be beyond weird. I say this irrespective of size.
3. the weather - a mini dress in -10 degrees would be weird. Irrespective of size.

I hope my point is clear - your size alone isn’t relevant. If you wore a bikini on a beach, totally fine.

I do think though whilst body positivity is good , the ‘rules’ we perhaps self imposed on ourselves when I was younger don’t exist. We had the unspoken rule of - cleavage or legs out, not both. Anything goes these days. Irrespective of whether someone looks good in it.

I do think people look better if they dress for their shape and I also think confidence plays a large part in how those clothes are carried. dressing for shape doesn’t equate to covering up etc.

I’m so short and was very overweight for a long time - wouldn’t dream of wearing short shorts. However people of my size at the time I thought looked great, I just didn’t have the confidence for it. I’ve lost a lot of weight and I still could not wear them just because I simply don’t have the confidence.

That’s the ChatGPT rendering. It’s not a good tool for telling what it will actually look like as it (inexplicably) made adjustments to slim the OP down. This must be both annoying and insulting.

I once asked it to remove loads of glasses on a table in the foreground of a family photo. It did so, but also removed one of my sisters entirely. How rude 😂

Personally, I think it's a matter of dignity. If you are a size 18 going out in a bikini top and a miniskirt you are going to become a spectacle. If you don't mind that then wear what you like, but you will be the subject of sneers if not dressed appropriately.

I’m not sure I trust your eyesight given that you’ve referred to a very obviously brown dress as black several times.

Listen, I really don’t care what OP wears or what she looks like, but the AI image is altered to make her look smaller. It’s weird behaviour, as is pretending a size 18 model isn’t overweight and calling women who disagree bitches and cunts.

I think anyone going out (other than on a beach) in a bikini top and miniskirt is going to become a spectacle, regardless of size.

I thought that was generally the point?

Size 18 looks different on everyone. I look absolutely fine in a bikini and definitely not a “spectacle”

edited to add - I wouldn’t wear one round Asda but on a beach or holiday or wild swimming, absolutely fine

I hope you manage to build your confidence up PloddingAlong21. I bet that you have always looked a lot lovelier than you thought. Congrats on the weight loss 😊

You could always pick a time to wear shorts when it’s for a short time and somewhere you won’t feel as self conscious, and build from there?

I’m wearing shorts this year for the first time in over a decade and it feels so cool and lovely! I struggled massively with my confidence but finally realised that no one else really notices or cares! My confidence has grown as the world didn’t end and no one pointed and laughed at me in my shorts. I really hope that you can start to feel more confident too xx

This is such a lovely uplifting message - thank you xx

Pleased you found your confidence too!!

It’s daft, I don’t pay attention to others really, so really I know people wouldn’t to me in a critical way either. Just years of being in your own head. The heat wave definitely made me care less, but beyond my legs I think people would more likely have noticed my sweat slicked hair stuck to my face that week 😂

😂 I definitely think everyone is too hot to care in this heat! I started by wearing shorts to places where I knew I wouldn’t bump into anyone I knew - maybe worth a go? 😊

Totally agree. I have lipoedema too so even at my size 6-8 skinniest I already had proportionally larger arms and legs. I’m now a size 16 with arms and legs at least a size bigger that I am incredibly self conscious about showing as society’s concensus ( as I’m also witnessing in this group) is that it’s disgusting to look at and should be covered. I hate the summer as I can never dress comfortably for the heat. Added to that it’s hard to find flattering clothes that fit both my arms and legs and my smaller, torso.