AIBU to stay part-time and cut costs instead of working full-time

[PartTimetoGainTime]

Dh recently decided I should work FT (he is FT I’ve been PT since dc). He knows that working PT is better for me for health reasons allowing me to pace my activity.

Me working FT would increase our income but if I stayed PT and cut back in the following areas we would save double what I’d earn by going FT -
I would give up my car
cancel cleaner
cancel gardener

I prefer to walk anyway and the dc school / my work is walkable or a short bus journey.
I feel the cleaner and gardener are a luxury we don’t need at all. I’d be happy to cut the grass once a week and as for cleaning I could easily do what the cleaner does (6 hours a week)

DH thinks it’s better that we keep them as he says it’s economically a better option as then we are helping others to be employed too but my focus is on the dc and my MH rather than helping the economy.

It was previously the agreement that he would be FT and me PT for as long as I wanted now I feel he’s changing the agreement ?

What are your health issues ? Surely you would be better off keeping the cleaner/car/gardener to allow you to pace your activity?

MH issues

Your husband can't dictate your working hours. But are you struggling financially as a family? Then cutting back on expenses like the gardener and cleaner sounds sensible and then consider increasing working hours if you have to?

Don't forget contributions to your pension. Don't forget continuity with work. Don't forget it will make life easier financially for you all in the future. In my experience you will quickly tire of doing housework etc. Imagine if your husband said the same to you and made the decision to go part time. We would all like to be part time. It sounds a bit selfish on your part.

This just isn’t a situation where your wants automatically take precedent. Perhaps he doesn’t want to slave away full time be the one with the majority of the financial responsibility.

Did he actually say he was happy for you to work part time forever or was the thinking when children were young?

Your post is all me, me, me.

There is a lot of research to show that working helps maintain better mental health.

Maybe think longer term. Working full time may not make you financially better off now, but almost certainly will improve your long term career potential, you'll also be paying more into your pension (assuming a workplace pension with employer contributions) so will get a higher pension in retirement. It will also put you in a better position if your marriage failed as you'd be a higher earner, maybe better job/career/position, have your own larger pension fund, etc.

I sometimes think that part time working is a kind of "race to the bottom" of earning less, having less, but doing more yourself, which kind of works short term for a simpler/easier life, but does have longer term negative impact.

He doesn’t believe you would do the cleaning and gardening.

From University of Cambridge research into mental health
Research shows that employment significantly improves mental health and life satisfaction. Studies like the University of Cambridge indicate that even just one day of paid work per week reduces the risk of mental health issues by an average of 30% compared to being unemployed. 1, 2]

Yes, I've seen some research, and that also relates to my own experiences of some people I know, and even myself, where working has so many positive side effects.

The routine to going to work every day, having to work alongside/with other people, etc., does seem to be beneficial for lots of people.

It's easy to become inward looking, introverted, obsessive, etc., if you "don't do much", stay at home more, have fewer human encounters in the average day, etc.

He can't dictate it but he sure as hell gets a say as it impacts on him and his children - the whole family.

You need to think about the future and not just now OP. Your pension, your ability to save for your futures etc

Yes I agree and I am , I do 3 full
days a week and that’s enough for me otherwise I become unwell. I don’t want to end up in a MH crisis , I’m happy to take on more housework/ gardening and give up a car I rarely use (and driving is stressful )

He is changing the agreement, what is his rationale?

Why don’t you suggest a trial period of three to six months in which you do all the cleaning and gardening, then reconsider together?

What percentage are you contributing to household finances now, and would you be contributing if working full time?

Working PT only works if you’re both okay with your arrangements. If you aren’t, that’s an issue.

DP and I earn about the same but he works PT and can’t lie, sometimes it stings. It’s just jealousy, probably, but to be honest the only reason I’m cool with it is that we don’t have children together etc so I don’t feel super tied if it ever becomes an issue.

I feel like resentment is often undervalued when one works long hours and the other doesn’t, especially if the financial burden falls on the FT worker. Not my case but I know I wouldn’t like it either.

It wasn’t for a set time we agreed that it would always be him FT and me PT. He’s just suddenly decided it’s better if we are both FT and it absolutely wasn’t the agreement.

How old are your children? Why do you have a gardener and cleaner if you could easily give it up and you need to cut costs?

If your marriage broke down or he died or became very ill what would you do?

No idea but equally if I become overwhelmed and have a crisis (I have EUPD) I don’t know what he would do and I don’t want that to happen so I want to stick to the agreement

Dh employed both after I had dc2 as I had severe pnd and he was struggling and he just kept them on (youngest is 4)

I work part time, DP would prefer I work full time, but from my perspective if I can pay half our household costs, it’s my choice.

If your youngest is about to start school and you’re not paying your half, I think you’re being a bit unreasonable.

Another option might be to downsize or move areas so you don’t need as high a household income?

We have a joint account so our money is all together I don’t pay half as such it’s just all in one account ?

What ages are your children ?

Are you really fully prepared to spend one of your days off cleaning and gardening going forward ? What do you do at the moment on your two non working days ? By giving up your car, will this put extra work on your DH in any day ? If you stay PT and give up your cleaner, you can be sure that your DH will do no cleaning himself and will be expecting you to have the house to the same standard as the cleaner.

`

Yeah this is my logic too, which is why I’m fine with it, he pays his share and anyways he’ll likely earn more than I do soon.

But if we had children etc and wanted to build up savings and so on can’t lie, I probably wouldn’t be fine with it.