AIBU to stay part-time and cut costs instead of working full-time

[PartTimetoGainTime]

Dh recently decided I should work FT (he is FT I’ve been PT since dc). He knows that working PT is better for me for health reasons allowing me to pace my activity.

Me working FT would increase our income but if I stayed PT and cut back in the following areas we would save double what I’d earn by going FT -
I would give up my car
cancel cleaner
cancel gardener

I prefer to walk anyway and the dc school / my work is walkable or a short bus journey.
I feel the cleaner and gardener are a luxury we don’t need at all. I’d be happy to cut the grass once a week and as for cleaning I could easily do what the cleaner does (6 hours a week)

DH thinks it’s better that we keep them as he says it’s economically a better option as then we are helping others to be employed too but my focus is on the dc and my MH rather than helping the economy.

It was previously the agreement that he would be FT and me PT for as long as I wanted now I feel he’s changing the agreement ?

can you compromise and both work 4 days and split the outsourced services

It would be different if you weren’t working at all but I think 3 days a week is not unreasonable with such young DCs. It makes life easier for summer childcare and after school care - remember to factor the additional cost of that into your equations if you were to go full time.

I would be very cautious about trialing full time in case you can’t get your part time hours BA, 3 days a week is almost impossible to find now in employment.

Definitely cut the cleaner down to 2 hrs or nothing. I have no idea what’s going on in your home that you need 6 hours a week.

I'm part time and it's just above nmw.

My partner works full time.

My partner slaps understands how bad my mental illness is and that I work as many hours as I can cope with and doesn't judge me for it. He knew when we got together I was only able to work part time due to my disability and has always been supportive in that regard.

We are currently buying a house and he's still fine (as is the bank) with me working part time. He understands that I'm doing as much as I can. We know from me previously upping my hours and ended up in crisis and off sick that this is the only manageable way for me to work and contribute (and to be fair I have contributed a large chunk of the deposit) . And tbh once the house is paid off he'd be happy for me to give up work if it's better or my mental health. Granted that's a privileged position to possibly be in but I'm lucky in my choice of partner and circumstances 😬😳

I sorry to read this and hope you are able to find another more suitable job soon - being miserable at work is just awful…

Check who funds the research

@KitTea3 if your dp came to
you and said. “I can’t do this anymore, I need to work pt too.”
Would you agree?

Check who challenges the research….

Well he obviously doesn't think you're going to cut the grass (he'll end up doing it) and almost certainly that the house is cleaner with the cleaner than when you're left to do it (or not)

If ya want to really do this you'll have to prove you can, start by dropping the gardening and cutting the grass yourself-> this is easiest being seasonal

You don't have to immediately give up your car but you could stop using it and actually DO STOP using it to show that you can economise

When you established these and importantly can sustain them then suggest going PT and giving up the cleaner

Having been in a similar position, I would be very wary about going FT if you think it will be bad for your MH, by which I mean jt will make you unwell enough to then be off sick or that the family unit falls over under the strain.

Good luck OP. I know what I would do and it wouldn’t be going FT

Why does only the ops mh matter? The dh has to
keep on plodding on working ft, despite how it might affect them? Their needs can never ever ever be anywhere near that of op.?

It is one of those things that is neither reasonable nor unreasonable.

Obviously your posts are trying to put your version of events, to try and get us on your 'side', but I would be interested to hear his.

I don't think you should underestimate things that have a longer term effect. So, whilst your dc are 4 and 6, everything may be walkable, but once they get older, the distance you travel to things get further, and later at night - Scouts, sports fixtures, orchestras (try getting on a bus with a cello), camps. etc.

Then longer term things like effects on your pension.

Then all your household finances - both the obvious like the difference in income, but how close your income and expenditure are each month.

Then your medium term plans in terms of potentially wanting to move house or extend, or if there is work that will be needed on your house in the next few years just to keep it nice.

It isn't a simple YABU / YANBU question - it is something the two of you need to sit down and look at calmly, with all the detail that effects you as a family, and find a way to compromise.

Because she has a diagnosed mental health condition so is a lot more vulnerable to poor mental health?

Ive been Part time since I had a breakdown 28 years ago

Not once has DH asked me to go back full time, indeed hes the one who keeps a check that I dont do too much

However , no kids , and we are now of the age where mortgage is paid and there isnt such a strain on the money , so he too has now gone part time

However we have never been able to save big pension pots, had world cruises or long haul holidays nor employed a gardener or cleaner. We have made do and mended most of those 28 years. Its not been a hard life, but then as I say , no kids to bring up and we live a simple life

I would imagine that you DH is worrying that the money doesnt go as far as it once did, and the pension pots are not being serviced as he would like

There's also the fact that you do have two children who are going to be needing financing till their 20s - uni fees, driving lessons, cars, deposits for homes - etc etc

You really need to have this conversation

As someone who worked part time when my kids were little and went full time once they went to secondary, I’d say stick it out as part time if you’re happy to sacrifice financially as a team.
mine are teens now but I feel they need way more support than we can currently give them (also caretaking elderly parents) and I feel guilty daily that I’m letting them down.
yes it’s great that I’m now paying more into my pension and we can afford to spend more / save more.
my husband really struggles with having to pull his weight with dental / doctors appointments and I still do all the life admin / gardening although we have a cleaner now.
we only got through school holidays because at the time we had friends and family who would share childcare. Otherwise it would have cost us a fortune.
but I wouldn’t exchange the chatty after school walks home with those little hands in mine, for all the money in China.