AIBU to stay part-time and cut costs instead of working full-time

[PartTimetoGainTime]

Dh recently decided I should work FT (he is FT I’ve been PT since dc). He knows that working PT is better for me for health reasons allowing me to pace my activity.

Me working FT would increase our income but if I stayed PT and cut back in the following areas we would save double what I’d earn by going FT -
I would give up my car
cancel cleaner
cancel gardener

I prefer to walk anyway and the dc school / my work is walkable or a short bus journey.
I feel the cleaner and gardener are a luxury we don’t need at all. I’d be happy to cut the grass once a week and as for cleaning I could easily do what the cleaner does (6 hours a week)

DH thinks it’s better that we keep them as he says it’s economically a better option as then we are helping others to be employed too but my focus is on the dc and my MH rather than helping the economy.

It was previously the agreement that he would be FT and me PT for as long as I wanted now I feel he’s changing the agreement ?

How many children and what ages are they?

Did he say why he’s changed his mind?

I think you are not being unreasonable- you know what you can and can't cope with while staying on an even keel.
Make the changes you suggest, and see how it works out. You working part time must also help with childcare costs?

He wants to save more

I might suggest a 3/6 month trial like someone suggested.

2 dc aged 6 and 4

So who does the day to day chores - laundry, cooking, bed changing, running round after the kids, the cleaning not covered by the cleaner? If you, would he step up & do half if you went full time?

You currently work so already contribute to pension, NI etc.

If you upped your hours to full time and took into account the extra income tax, NI & pension contributions, extra child care costs, increased fuel consumption for the extra 2 days, how much more would you actually be earning?
Would it be worth it financially?
Would you likely suffer from work/life imbalance & burn out if you are already vulnerable to that?

Save more for what? It’s a very fuzzy goal to change your life around.

What’s your personal pension situation? PT not great for that and cutting costs now won’t help in the long term.

DH isn’t U to want to both work FT, or similar hours, if he will do 50% of parenting and domestic work. Including unplanned time off for unwell DC, school holidays etc. (IME this only really works if neither does much work travel or unsocial hours at the office/work site.)

MH is a factor, but not the only one. I would much prefer to work PT for my health but work FT for my earnings now, keeping my job in case of redundancies (when PT I got shit projects) and progression prospects. The money today helps a lot but wasn’t my main driver.

I work three days and it’s perfect but DH is supportive of that. I did suggest we both do four but he said he’s happy doing five and because I tend to do a lot of the life admin stuff, it makes sense for me to keep my three, so I’m happy with that. But I think it does need to be a mutual decision.

However, if the decision is a financial one and there’s an option to remain PT and keep financial situation similar then I wouldn’t feel obligated to ‘support the local economy’ or whatever spurious argument he suggests.

I think everyone involved in these sorts of decisions has the right to review the situation periodically. Maybe he thought it was a short-term situation and now it's dragging on a bit. Is going full-time even an option for you at your job?

I think you could cut all those things regardless (except maybe the cleaner, I'd LOVE a cleaner particularly with two young children and a limiting health condition).

Being the breadwinner is hugely stressful so I think he has a right to have a discussion about just how long this will go on. Might be worth some hard figures - what if (A) and (B) and see what the real difference would be.

Six hours a week is a lot of cleaning, which suggests you might need the help around the house. Is he paying for that and the Gardner because more will fall to him if they aren’t there? If so I think it’s unreasonable to cut them.

I would much rather be part time with young children, I did the same and have no regrets. I really hate the rushed pace of life that comes with a full day at work and a family to look after. I would have thought that if you make it the same money-wise then it shouldn't matter, although I would have been lost without my car and unable to take my children to after school activites and pick up from friend's houses etc. Also how will you take them out in the holidays if you're the only one there?

Perhaps your dh wants to go pt too? How would you feel about that? Why do you think as an adult that someone owes you the right to work pt?

im not saying he’s right. But you only talk about you and what’s good for you - nothing about what’s good for him or the family

How are things generally with your dh? Assume there’s no sinister reason for him wanting you to go FT?

Does he do his fair share of the life admin?

I think you’re being quite selfish only looking at it from your point of view. What if it’s causing your DH stress knowing the financial stability of your family all sits on his shoulders? And this that this will continue for the rest of his life as your pension contributions working part time won’t give you enough to comfortably retire? You clearly don’t pay attention to the family finances if you think by putting your money in the joint account you are equally contributing. You can’t just opt out of adult responsibility.

How will you working full-time work out with DC? Has he suggested anything? Does he realise that he'll have to take on more with you working full-time?

Who will do all the school runs, doctors appointments, hair cuts , dentist, after school clubs & take annual leave when kids are sick? This is important to clarify with your dh first.

Could you compromise by trying 4 days a week, I think you do 3 currently? Then maybe ditch the gardener but keep the cleaner (or the other way round)? Or even do 4 days’ work in 3 if your job allows compressed hours.

it’s relevant who does the most house/kid admin - or is this evenly split? Washing/school stuff/arranging birthday parties etc all takes time and will potentially be a struggle if you are both full time.

Will your work allow you to go FT?

That’s a cop out of a response. Do you not know how much you’re paid or how much it costs to run your household?

And would he also expect you to be the default parent that takes time off from this FT position for the children’s doctor appointments, dentist, sickness? It’s not easy when children are in primary, they are still regularly ill and still need regular nhs appointments.

Personally I think by staying part time you'd be doing the right thing for you and your life circumstances, OP. Many MNers hate part-timers and don't understand how health conditions can impact a person, though, so I'm not surprised by the tone of some of the replies. You should do what's right for you and your own family/situation.

Well the dh of course.. op is kindly giving up the driving responsibilities.

Everything is pretty much walkable or one bus away, I do all of these things anyway ? I do all the admin for dc etc.