AIBU to think one day’s leave for a far-away funeral is harsh?

[fairypowers]

My mother in law recently passed away after a long period of illness. I was very fond of her. She lived around a 7 hour journey from where I live and work.

My work compassionate leave policy does not extend to in-laws. I emailed my manager to flag that I would need to travel up for a funeral soon and it’s a 7 hour journey - to which I was (politely) told that policy is that I’m entitled to one day leave for the funeral itself and any other time away from my desk needs to come from my holiday allowance.

AIBU to think that’s pretty harsh?

It's pretty standard tbf. The rest comes out of holidays I'd You want longer.

Not remotely harsh. You get leave for the funeral, not for travelling. Why should they be paying you for that?

Really? My last job gave 2 weeks!

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. 💐

I believe that's pretty standard in the UK. Here in Ireland, my employer's policy is up to five days paid bereavement leave for the death of a father, mother, sibling, mother in law or father in law, and you may get extra if they've died abroad and you're the one arranging the funeral.

You also get three days for the death of a more distant relative if you're arranging the funeral or some other conditions.

20 days paid leave for the death of a spouse, cohabiting partner or child.

sounds like they have already made an exception for you though if the policy is that compassionate leave doesn't include in-laws and they are giving you one day's leave despite that, YABU if you are still moaning that they aren't generous enough!

Policies vary hugely from place to place. I only got half a day off for my grandfather's funeral and that was the civil service which usually prides itself on being family friendly etc.

At the end of the day, if you begrudge using a day of annual leave to go when you knew her and loved her, it's fair enough that they begrudge paying you for two days of work when you won't be working, for a stranger they've never met. If they allowed it for everyone's mother in law then where do you draw the line - father in law, brother and sister in law, cousins, very good friends? And that's beyond the usual mother/father/siblings/children. What about if the deceased lived in another country, should someone get a week off to travel there?

If you don't want to use up your annual leave then maybe ask if you can take it unpaid, but sounds like they are being very fair in my opinion.

I can't believe they even gave you a day for an in-law.

That's totally standard. You take annual leave or sick leave if you need more time. I've never heard of anywhere giving 2 weeks of paid leave for an in-law!

I got 5 days bereavement leave for my mum. They also gave me the week leading up to her death as special leave. I thought that was pretty standard.

Business’ and organisations need to remain profitable and/or operational. Why would they be giving you two weeks leave or any compassionate leave tbh for someone you were ‘fond of’?

If you are genuinely struggling emotionally there is always sick leave.

They have not made an exception - in-laws count as non-immediate family members. 🙄

The more extended periods of leave are usually for when people are either really overcome by grief and depression, or when they have a central role in arrangements after a death, eg organising the funeral, sorting finances, clearing the house. Travel for the funeral doesn't really come into it, and it's unlucky it's such a distance, but you'll have to accept that and use your leave.

@fairypowersits not ideal but also not the. Implants fault you live 7 hours away. What if she lived in Australia - they wouldn’t be giving you a week off to fly over.

that said, a bit of manager digression would be nice. Gone are those days. Sorry for your loss xxx

I was given the standard two days for my mother's funeral. My mother's funeral... Despite this being policy my manager's comment was "since you had two days for your father's..." (this was three years previously).

Miserable shower of shits.

AgnesX
I was given the standard two days for my mother's funeral. My mother's funeral...Despite this being policy my manager's comment was "since you had two days for your father's..." (this was three years previously).
Miserable shower of shits.

Sorry to hear that, that’s awful x A friend had similar and we had to talk her out of marching back in and quitting (she loved her job).

op use some leave if you can so you’re not just travelling down and straight back x

It may seem unfair, but if they let you have a few days for your MIL, what about Bob whose neighbour-good friend died, can he have the same? And Jenny who grew up next door to the dog sitter? Not forgetting Clare as her dad died but she only gets the same as the others.

A clear policy has to be set for the sake of everyone, and messing round the edges is unhelpful and unfair.

That said, what you may quietly agree between you and your manager that nobody else knows and what isn't formally recorded is a whole other story.

I get 2 hours, I only get a day if it’s a parent/child/spouse

I'd expect no more than 1 day paid compassionate/funeral leave for an in-law (or other non immediate family), up to 5 days for close family (with anything more needed to be taken as sick leave if too distressed to return). That's pretty much been policy everywhere I've worked.

For my own Mothers funeral we drove up the night before, straight from work, and left straight after the wake, getting home late. Back to work the next day. It's pretty standard I'm afraid. Take a day's leave if you want more time. Sorry for your loss.

Hang on though, I got a few days compassionate leave around the time she was dying and a day after she died, that's not what we're talking about though - funerals are usually 2 weeks or so later.

I’m fond of my MIL too, but I wouldn’t expect more than a days paid leave in this instance. (I know a woman who got a sick line for 6 weeks when her MIL died; absolute chancer…) If it’s that important to you, take holidays, but it’s certainly not unreasonable of your employer.

For your mother in law? How many do you have!

Seriously though sorry for your loss. My employer has good benefits but mother in law wouldn't be considered close enough I don't think.

Pretty standard, I'm afraid. Sorry for your loss, OP. 💐

In the NHS we’d have to take it as holiday, we only get a maximum of 5 days leave for an immediate relative and 2 weeks for a child. The rest would be (and often is) taken as sick signed off by a GP.

For a mil?? Wow.

😲WTF?!@FortyFacedFuckers

When my father in law died, he was living with us, my husband was providing care. I got no paid time off for his funeral, had to take annual leave. Funeral days were given only for spouses, parents and children. Fortunately I don’t work there anymore.