AIBU to think one day’s leave for a far-away funeral is harsh?

[fairypowers]

My mother in law recently passed away after a long period of illness. I was very fond of her. She lived around a 7 hour journey from where I live and work.

My work compassionate leave policy does not extend to in-laws. I emailed my manager to flag that I would need to travel up for a funeral soon and it’s a 7 hour journey - to which I was (politely) told that policy is that I’m entitled to one day leave for the funeral itself and any other time away from my desk needs to come from my holiday allowance.

AIBU to think that’s pretty harsh?

You get time off for a wedding ? Or you mean your own ?

You are lucky to get one day. It would be annual leave for me for mother in law.

Yeah I don't disagree with you. Overall a lot of things are worse now. No one has any give & take.Everyone is entitled.

I'm sure some people do take advantage , I definitely didn't, I put in initially for 2 weeks A/L when my grandson was life threateningly ill but my line manager rejected it and said I could have paid compassionate leave which ended up being 6 weeks. I'll be forever grateful.

This allowance for every funeral you needed to attend? I wouldn’t think so. Maybe just for a parent, spouse or child you’d get this.

I don’t think you’d get two weeks for an inlaw.

Travel the night before after work and travel back the afternoon of the funeral. Not hard

For which family member tho? 2 weeks leave for every relative inc in laws for every member of staff is ridiculous.

Im sorry for your loss.
I think one day is ok as long as they are ok for you to use annual leave if you need extra time.

The problem is that people take the piss and given half a chance, they'd take multiple days off for every great aunt, uncle, grandfather and cousin.

I don’t think there is compassionate leave in my job- we don’t get sick pay (beyond SSP) so I would assume there wouldn’t be paid time off for bereavement or a funeral- I’d have to take unpaid or AL, regardless of which family member had died.

I got the same

I got one day for my mums funeral. The travel came out my annual leave.

DH had to take a days holiday to go to his father’s funeral as he’d used up all the compassionate leave being with him when he died.

Yes that was what I was saying, thanks.
Which shows why it is even more imperative to have clear stated policies so there is no "comparison" between who is more worthy or not in different circumstances.

That said, when I a close relative took ill, my manager told me to forget work and just go and be with them in their last days. This period probably lasted about 4-6 weeks and I was working odd hours of the day, on an completely random basis (my choice as a necessary distraction). I can't even remember much about that time, and I have never been asked to log when or where I was, if I was working or not, or had to take any formal leave or anything. And after the death/for the funeral, same thing again - I was just left to do what I needed to. My employer can sometimes be very difficult, but I will never forget how they looked after me then.

Really? Even now that statutory A/L is 20 + 8 bank holidays, WTD of 48hpw max, and usually 35 to 40, 12 months Mat Leave, Pat Leave, ShPL, parental leave up to 18 weeks, young people in education until 18, Equality Act (2010), ERA (2026), SSP, pension contributions, etc.

Let's remember the pay is given in return for work. Until about 1930 there was no paid annual leave, Maternity leave wasn't introduced until 1974 and Mat Pay in 1987.

My Dad died really suddenly. I was a SAHM but dh was allowed to work from home for one day and then he had to take annual leave for the funeral.

When our grandparents died, our dc weren't allowed any time off school for the funerals despite knowing their great grandparents really well and seeing them multiple times a week. We had one in the school holidays, one after school and the others we just couldn't go.

I get four paid days paid leave plus a day for the funeral

Not a funeral but my daughter’s graduation last year was in the North and I live on the South coast. Policy is one day leave but my school knowing it was a long way gave me 2 days without me even needing to ask as the head knew there was no way I could do there and back in a day. Depends on individual employers but in my opinion it’s harsh!

It's fair so long as they let you take unpaid or annual leave for the journey.

I got a day for both my MIL and FIL ( separated by nearly a decade)
We live in the North East, they lived in the far end of Cornwall. 8 h was a good trip
Both times I left work on the dot and drove and drove, then took a travel lodge
Left early next morning, drove to funeral, went to wake, then drove home, arriving back in the small hours both times. I can’t take leave when I choose in my job.
So sympathies, it is as hard as hell, and possibly even harder on your partner as you aren’t there as much as you would like to support them.
But yeah the employers have to draw a line somewhere.

I find the assumption by some employers to err on the side of assuming the person might just be taking the Mick, harsh.
I know PILs can be unpopular but its more about supporting a grieving spouse or grandchildren.. some may be living with the family...or may be more of a parent to a person than their own parents., Or a cousin you grew up with who was more like a sibling. A bit of compassion goes a long way. Often if people have had a hard bereavement another death, in the family, even if not directly related can have a big impact.

Going back a few decades to when I was in local government, my much loved grandmother was buried on the morning of one of my late shifts. I had decided to attend before the shift began, and just come in late by whatever time was involved. Less than an hour. When I began to inform my miserable boss he made a snotty remark (how many grandmothers is this youv'e buried) which deeply upset me. On the day of the funeral I came in dressed in black and 20 minutes late. His first remark was "Dont forget you have to make up the time." I raised a grievance with a higher boss - not about the time off as that was policy. Rather my boss' unprofessional and callous attitude. The big boss granted me 3 days paid leave at his discretion. I heard on the grapevine that my boss got a dressing down. I refused to speak to my boss again (except on strictly professional matters) for the remaining two months we worked together. I never did make up the 20 minutes late.

When I became a manager it would not have occurred to me to ask a team member to make up less than an hour if they had obviously come straight from a funeral.

I think it’s stingy- everywhere I’ve ever worked would have treated a MIL or FIL the same as a mother or father.

Would you rank a mother in law above or below a father in law, brother in law, sister in law (on both sides, so your spouse's siblings but also your siblings' spouses), grandparents x 4, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, good friends, a family pet...?

It's all very subjective - one person might only see their MIL once a year at christmas and hate her but has had the same best friend since they were 5 and see her everyday. I haven't seen my grandmother for 5 years, but would be devastated if my cat died. How can an organisation fairly legislate for the complexity of human relationships?

Let alone what most places consider to be close family - siblings, parents, spouse and children.

That's a lot of potential leave if you work in the same place for more than a few years, or if everyone in the company has the same level of leave.

They are giving you the time for the funeral - time spent travelling is up to you. If she lived in australia would you expect a week off?

2 weeks seems extreme unless it's immediate family. I wouldn't count in-laws as immediate family