AIBU to think one day’s leave for a far-away funeral is harsh?

[fairypowers]

My mother in law recently passed away after a long period of illness. I was very fond of her. She lived around a 7 hour journey from where I live and work.

My work compassionate leave policy does not extend to in-laws. I emailed my manager to flag that I would need to travel up for a funeral soon and it’s a 7 hour journey - to which I was (politely) told that policy is that I’m entitled to one day leave for the funeral itself and any other time away from my desk needs to come from my holiday allowance.

AIBU to think that’s pretty harsh?

When my father passed away my old job gave me 1.5 months for which I was extremely grateful. New job gave me 3 days for my uncle which was in Australia. Legally it’s for direct relatives only but it’s down to your manager in the end.

I can believe this. I was denied leave to attend my grandad's funeral. I simply could not go.

What really boiled my piss was when a load of my colleagues were allowed the afternnoon off to attend the funeral of another who died.... and I was left to cover them. I was also not allowed to go to that, and we were friends outside of work.

This was the NHS.

If you can choose when to take annual leave, it should be used for travelling to a funeral. Longer periods than a day to attend are not being given just because it's standard or employers are generous, it's for if people genuinely can't function to work because of their loss.

My employer gives three days for the loss of a child so one day sounds fine - use annual leave

You literally said "My work compassionate leave policy does not extend to in-laws."

But they are giving you a day's compassionate leave for an in-law 🙄

So....?

Sorry for your loss. Sounds pretty standard. I’m not sure how a policy that varied based on travel distance would work - you’d have to impose some rather arbitrary thresholds. If you don’t have annual leave to spare will they let you take it unpaid?

You were very lucky here. I got one day when my Dad died and one day for the funeral.

@Crimpit- me too!!!

At the end of the day, if you begrudge using a day of annual leave to go when you knew her and loved her, it's fair enough that they begrudge paying you for two days of work when you won't be working, for a stranger they've never met. If they allowed it for everyone's mother in law then where do you draw the line - father in law, brother and sister in law, cousins, very good friends? And that's beyond the usual mother/father/siblings/children. What about if the deceased lived in another country, should someone get a week off to travel there?
If you don't want to use up your annual leave then maybe ask if you can take it unpaid, but sounds like they are being very fair in my opinion.

I agree with all this, that @tokennamechange said on P1.

Does seem odd that you are expecting your employers to give you additional time, when you don't think you should use any of your own leave.

I had the same with the school and it was a 9 hour trip to get there. My daughter was given a days authorised leave. It’s impossible maths and I would have been fined for my daughters attending a funeral of someone they loved dearly 🤷‍♀️
And this coming from a religious school!!

My mil lived 300 miles away, taken very ill, and I was given leave to go visit her before she died. My employer acknowledged the distance and that I'd need 3 days to get there to visit and back again. Same with the funeral a month later.

I'd worked there 15 years and they were very understanding but it was still permission for 'unpaid' leave so I didn't have to lose anything off my holiday allowance. I was very fond of my mil, I've known her for decades but she wasn't my mother so I didn't qualify for special paid leave.

Up to three days' compassionate where I work. At manager's discretion this could be extended to five days.

Covers immediate family: children, partner/spouse, parents. Ì've never known anyone be declined for grandparents or in-laws, individual circs taken into account. I'd advise that a day or two is needed to suppprt the spouse at the funeral, and travel. It's case by case.

Unfortunately there are people who take the piss. There's always the twit who has six grandparents and the one who has a dozen aunts and uncles and slips up when someone asks how many brothers and sisters their mum/dad had. They are never people with unblemished attendance records.

Pretty standard, to be honest. I do think its reasonable they give you a day, and you use a day’s AL.

For an in law? Why do you expect such shit treatment at work?!

I think it is very unreasonable. My colleague got 2 days for an ex-colleague's funeral as it involved travel.
I am not sure what you can do about it though but I would not be helping them out with anything.

I’m sorry for your loss but sounds completely reasonable to me.

Companies are complete arsesholes now. They literally just expect us to be robots.

My MILs funeral was 4.5 hours away and they fully expected me in work the next day. Luckily I told them not to be stupid and there were things we needed to do before I came back.

The problem is (a) people taking the piss, meaning they have to impose strict policies, and (b) any inconsistent approach to those policies can lead to accusations of discrimination, so employers remove the scope for common sense decisions or discretion.

I had to take 3 days of my annual leave to attend my father in laws funeral in Ireland. Pretty standard..to be honest I was just pleased I was allowed emergency leave..especially given it was in Easter holidays..however do t start me on the cost of flights to get there at short notice!

You have a very generous employer if they give you 2 weeks paid leave for one of your husbands relatives. If you both come from large families you could hardly ever be at work by the time you are in your 50s.

I do think it’s a consequence of people having 5 grandmas passing - no offence to people who have lost a grandparent

mine is 3 days for parent and 1 day for close family relative like in laws etc. I have good friends I would take time off rather than close family, that’s my choice I’d take leave or unpaid. I know this could be difficult for some people

Really? Your mother in law is like the dog sitter to you?

So long as they were happy for me to the short notice annual leave and I had to to take I wouldn't mind doing this b

you will need to use some annual leave to add to the one day your employer is giving you