AIBU to think one day’s leave for a far-away funeral is harsh?

[fairypowers]

My mother in law recently passed away after a long period of illness. I was very fond of her. She lived around a 7 hour journey from where I live and work.

My work compassionate leave policy does not extend to in-laws. I emailed my manager to flag that I would need to travel up for a funeral soon and it’s a 7 hour journey - to which I was (politely) told that policy is that I’m entitled to one day leave for the funeral itself and any other time away from my desk needs to come from my holiday allowance.

AIBU to think that’s pretty harsh?

It’s rubbish. I had to swap shifts to be able to attend my grandmother’s funeral! Only stretches to spouses, parents and siblings, not grandparents!!

I've always worked in the public sector and compassionate leave is usually max 3 or 5 days and that's usually immediate family only. Most people do take longer for a bereavement of course, but usually it is taken as sick leave (ie depression). For anyone outside of immediate family any time off would be annual leave, though it would always be granted, whereas ordinarily short notice leave wouldn't be.
It isn't good but it's public money, I can understand that there needs to be rules about it.

I think it is harsh. But it may well be the norm, I have no idea.

I think that’s okay. Just take the AL to drive home the next day. Dh is self employed and doesn’t even get that, just has to lose a day of work and pay as no compassionate or annual leave.

I’d say the day is fine for extended family if you need more take leave.

For a partner / your own parent / child I’d expect longer.

I got a week when dad passed and 1 day for the funeral

I got two days compassionate leave when my dad died.

My colleague took 10 days off for his girlfriend’s brother’s girlfriend’s hospice death.

Paid. His girlfriend was our boss. It wasn’t worth it when the MD found out.

Not an hour off for the self-employed. which he is now.

Could be worse, OP. I’d take two days AL.

We get 2 days compassionate leave for ‘direct’ family - so parent, sibling or child only. So that would be a day when they die, and a day for the funeral. In practice directors will normally approve a day for Grandparents or in laws funeral

I’m sorry for your loss.

I think that two weeks leave for the lids on an in-law is generous and that your form is being reasonable.

What was the two weeks leave for? Not just a funeral surely? Where I worked, you would get five days compassionate leave for the death of a close relative but most people would get signed off by their GP for longer for the death of a parent, husband/wife or child.

I got 2 weeks off following the unexpected, traumatic death of my dc. My delightful manager told me to get signed off by a doctor if I needed more. I was struggling to function and the last thing I needed was to arrange an appt, and then force myself to talk about what had happened. The post mortem took longer than that, let alone the funeral.

She was fired 5 years later and before leaving apologised for treating me so badly. I will still never forgive her.

I think these things are often at a manager’s discretion. I gave a member of my team unlimited time to care for a relative when they were ill, plus time off after the death/ for the funeral. She was a loyal employee of 20 years.

I guess they can’t differentiate between a mil who lives local or far away. As far as they’re concerned, a mil is a mil.

Most don’t

Where I work for a parent you only get 3 days bereavement leave including the funeral.

Jesus , some of these bereavement allowances are shocking. I'm so grateful that my company acknowledges that family is imporant. I was given 6 weeks paid leave when my 2 day old grandson was on life support after surgery, so that I could help my daughter (post c section) and her partner , who were in no fit state to function.

I think it depends on the circumstances and the company. With respect to those who have lost loved ones, the company isn't interested in anything other than generating profitable revenue. If anything interferes with that, it is an irritant. The people who work at those companies often flex the rules where they can, and some companies have more lenient policies where they are affordable, and where the company is enlightened enough to realise that its people are its biggest asset.

I was back at work the afternoon my wife died because my boss is a total bastard. Then again, I am self employed and need the money.

Nothing paid at all where I work regardless of the relationship.
It's either unpaid or annual leave!

Take annual leave or unpaid leave and have as much time as you need

I think that’s reasonable.

I think it also depends on the employer, we had bereavement policy but I have to say my work were absolutely lovely when my MIL died I got 5 days off fully paid didn’t have to use annual leave then they let me work reduced hours at home for the weeks leading up to her funeral and they gave me a fully paid day for the funeral and again told me to wfh for another week after. Sadly my grandfather died not long after MIL funeral and again fully paid day for the funeral and a day after he died, they did say I could work from home but by that time I really needed to get out of the house.

It’s standard where I used to work. Just add on annual leave so you have time to travel and stay over.

I wouldnt be able to give more than a week at a push without you getting a sick certificate or taking annual leave, I wouldnt be able to sign it off where I work. Public services, front line statutory work.

I'm really sorry for your loss, and your experience. Where I've worked it's not discretionary for a manager to agree the time off, because it has to follow sickness policy rules of self certifying for a week max. In public sector and NHS the managers don't have the authority to overrule that. But it doesn't mean they can't be compassionate. If someone tried to come back in circs like that (it happens, some people want to be busy) the managers would really be encouraging them to go to the GP and get signed off, and wouldn't be expecting any work from them. At least that's been my experience when people try and come back 'too soon'.

Private sector, and it was absolutely at her discretion. Not trying to get around the rules and fair enough if that were the case but it wasn’t.

Interestingly, she then had 2 months off after the death of a distant relative, who lived abroad. The company even planted a tree for her. I am still bitter as you can see!