AIBU to think one day’s leave for a far-away funeral is harsh?

[fairypowers]

My mother in law recently passed away after a long period of illness. I was very fond of her. She lived around a 7 hour journey from where I live and work.

My work compassionate leave policy does not extend to in-laws. I emailed my manager to flag that I would need to travel up for a funeral soon and it’s a 7 hour journey - to which I was (politely) told that policy is that I’m entitled to one day leave for the funeral itself and any other time away from my desk needs to come from my holiday allowance.

AIBU to think that’s pretty harsh?

To be fair you say in your op that the compassionate leave policy doesn’t apply to in laws.

2 weeks is also bonkers. I didn’t get that when my dad died! You realistically can’t expect more than a couple of days for anyone other than spouse, parent or child. They are giving you the day of the funeral off, that’s a gift. The fact she lives so far away really isn’t your works’s problem so that should be on your own time.

My colleagues in the NHS felt that 2 weeks for a live-in partner's mother was a fair ask.

I nearly fell over, having worked in retail and in care work where you'd be lucky to get 2 days for an immediate relative.

I think OP your situation is unfortunate but overall reasonable, and perhaps you should take a day of leave, or at least a morning, to make up for the travel.

My MIL was dying and my work gave me two weeks off while she passed as it was very upsetting and then two days off for the funeral.

Christ am I glad I work for a company that don’t treat their employees like robots. My director gave one of our site managers a week off on Monday, last minute, because her dog was put to sleep last night. That’s how you retain staff. By treating them like human beings and not as ‘standard policies’.

That’s disgusting!!!!

Not lucky. Just normal. You were very unlucky as that is a shite allowance, you deserved better.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately I've been in the position of your old manager and had to tell the member of my team to get signed off after 2 weeks. Obviously she needed a lot more time but I simply couldn't authorise it without a sick note as that was NHS policy. Doesn't mean I did care or try and support her in any way I could. Years later I still think of her and her DC around the anniversary

That is the exact point the poster is making.
She actually said And Jenny who grew up next door to the dog sitter? therefore noting that this a friend she (Jenny) has had growing up, and could well be closer too than she is to her MiL - who of course "Jenny" would have known for less time than a childhood friend".

In a small business, there is probably scope for more discretion, but in a larger organisation, it is impossible to know anything about the individual relationships between different people, and employers have to be seen to be being 'fair', hence the reason there are written policies.

When my grandmother died, I was living and working 4 hours journey away. The funeral service was 10:30am. I begged to get the previous day off. The area manager said its a disgrace that I have family live miles away! I managed to get the day off my DF had to pick me up as the one of the trainlines drivers were on strike and he could only get the day of the funeral off. He was visiting clients 30 min drive away and picked me up late afternoon

The funeral was on Friday and stayed for the weekend getting back around Sunday mid evening.

Employers' policies over time off for funerals is not enough. Esp with the gap between death and funeral is on average 4-5 weeks.

That is lovely.
DM has has her own company, and she let someone have 2 weeks paid leave after her dog died. DM is very much a dog person and knows how awful it can be to lose one.

Our company used to be 2 days compassionate for the death of a close relative. A colleague very sadly lost both her Mum and her Dad in the space of a month, both in another country. The HR person department actually questioned her having 4 days of compassionate leave (in addition to her obviously having to use annual leave) in one month. Thankfully in more recent times the company has loosened up and compassionate leave is still ‘officially’ 2 days for a death but line managers have discretion to authorise / extend depending on circumstances.

I had one day off for my grandad who is a close blood relative. It’s only more than one day for a parent or sibling. You’re fortunate you’ve got one day for someone who isn’t related to you. You’ll need to use your AL.

A days leave is normal. You want more as travelling. Not their issue

if you loved mil as much as you say you do then surely she is worth a days holiday or a day not paid ?

2weeks from old firm sounds amazing - who were they and why did you leave ?

sorry for you and dh loss

Life can be awful when a parent in law dies. Yes they’re not your parent but you’re dealing with a heartbroken spouse and possibly heartbroken children or children who have no idea what’s going on but your spouse can’t function.

Losing MIL was exhausting physically and mentally and it was heartbreaking, we couldn’t sleep and we had to visit her daily for two weeks as any day could be her last.

My grown up DC each had 5 days for their Grandpa’s funeral ( compassionate leave )
DH and I are retired so had no need to take leave

Sadly, your workplace don't care about your feelings.
People get leave for immediate family because of the admin, not how upset they are.

clearly not so fond of her that you don’t begrudge giving up a day of your a L to travel to her funeral or take it unpaid.

i own a micro company and it’s bloody hard making money these days. It’s wild the expectations that employees have

Pretty standard.
In my first job I got no compassionate time at all for my grandfather.
We now get 2 weeks for the death of a spouse, parent or child. (I’m not sure about unmarried partners).
1 day for a grandparent.

Mine did, I got over two weeks off for the passing and the funeral combined.

And flowers and a card. I said I would log on after a hospital visit one day and I burst into tears due to exhaustion so they told me to log off. I am still there 7 years later.

Its a large corporate too.

I am sorry for your loss. One day off to attend a funeral is fair, but I don’t think it’s fair to expect work to give you paid time off to travel - it’s not their fault or business that it is so far away.

Agree 1 day is standard op.

I was once unable to get time off work at all to attend for a colleague. I was lucky that my shift started in the afternoon and so i made the funeral in the morning but had to miss the wake.

Gosh this is all sad reading.

Our policy says 5 days but we always, always flex on this. Each case and time depends on the requirements of the individual.

It’s the worst time in someone’s life and our small gesture is a tiny way to make things less awful for them. It isn’t called compassionate leave for no reason, where is the compassion in many of these stories?

I’m sorry for your loss op

I think so too if it's a long journey. We get two days for a wedding but one for a funeral which is illogical to me.

I was given 5 days compassionate leave for my dad and 1 day for his funeral. NHS. I worked for a manager with zero compassion. The policy allows up to 10 days with manager's discretion. Thankfully have moved roles.

One day compassionate leave for an in-law is probably quite normal unfortunately!