What is the wankiest thing you’ve seen your ex do?

[Magpiesinthegarden]

That made you think - what a knob! And that you are well rid of them!

lighthearted thread -

I’ll go first -

Recently my ex changed his profile picture to this wanky AI generated image of him in the middle with a halo and two angels either side… he actually gave himself a halo 🤣 What a knobhead! Like he was Jesus 😳(He was a massive narcissist. My ex. Not Jesus)

What are the wankiest things your ex has ever done?

I read this one 18 full pages and 36 hours ago and I am STILL cringing 😂

And I've read the PP whose Dad posted "lol what a fucking knob" by 'accident' about a thousand times already and I still laugh every time. Truly legendary.

Unfortunately.

I GASPED…

What an utter cunt. I’m so sorry x

Said if he had to pay maintainance he just wouldnt see the kids or go to work .....

This is years and years ago - he rang me the night before his wedding to the woman he left me for to ask if I’d get back with him! I politely declined told him to fuck off, much to his surprise. He married her, divorced a year later.

He’s also the same bell end who got in touch after the first marriage after me broke down “because I was the only one who understood him” sadly I fell for it and spent months supporting him through that divorce only for him to then start dating the second one! I finally came to my senses at that point and told him to fuck off! And never contact me again!

Told me his ex was a psycho and had fallen pregnant to trap him, he said she’d like an other being on the pill and she was a one night stand.

After we split up, I found out it was all bollocks. They were still together (overlapped us for three months) and it was a planned pregnancy, they’d also been others way longer than he told me as they’d been trying for months!

It completely shaped my life. I would never have gone near him if I’d known the truth.

This is very outing. I accidentally spilt a bit of nail polish remover on his coffee table. We'd been together about a year and I'd moved in. At the time i was mortified and very apologetic, it took some of the top layer of varnish off the table. Obviously offered to pay towards a new one etc which he "graciously" refused. we lasted another year beyond that.

About 18 months after we broke up I received an email asking me to pay for a new coffee table. he'd calculated the "new" cost of the table given inflation in the 2.5 years since I'd damaged it, and so his "invoice" was actually for more than he'd initially paid.

obvs refused.... and sent his email to all of my friends for a good ol' laugh!

He also proposed to me, after we'd broken up, via my work email, in all caps.

I cannot believe some of my past relationship stories. feel like I could write a book, but then again no one would think it was true!

When I was going out with my ex (I was about 21, he was 25), we went to the pub quiz with my Mum and her friends. She was so worried that he wouldn’t get a round in, she gave him £20 beforehand. He was slow to get that round in and trousered the change (it was the late 90s, a round was perhaps £15 or 16). My toes are still curling with horror.

My ex did that, I was 40 minutes away he was meant to let me know when he was leaving his parents where our daughter had spent a week which was two hours away. He didn't let me know and left our 11 year old daughter alone on the doorstep with her suitcase......

The temptation for me would be to say "yes ok as long as you cancel the wedding and be truthful that we are getting back together" and then dump him two days later. But I have been assured that I am a "bitter old hag"..... still younger and hotter than you, dickhead (him not you!)

It was tempting @PyongyangKipperbang and I did consider it, but his family thought the sun shone out of his backside then (they don’t so much now!) and I didn’t want the flack from them for ‘ruining his wedding’ (because it would absolutely have been my fault not his)!

First time I spent a week at his place (he hadn’t lived with a woman before at 38) asked me how many sheets of toilet paper I use when I do a wee because the loo roll was going down much quicker than it normally would. Had to educate him about us girls wiping when we wee, whereas men just shake and go.

When I’d not long given birth to our son I found out he’d been cheating so I told him to leave by the time I got home he was sat on the living room floor with a butter knife trying to lift the flooring because he payed for it 🤣🤣

Called his penis, and as far as I know, still does....."Mr Wiggly". 🤢🤮😭

'Forgot' to tell me he was married

Got me pregnant but I had a concealed pregnancy (didnt know I was pregnant until I gave birth)

He freaked out,lied and told everyone the baby wasnt his-painted me out to be a woman who shagged anything that moved

Painted me out to be a liar until a dna test proved I wasnt

He then told his wife id pounced on him and forced him into sex,she swallowed this bollocks but they broke up not long after

Both blame me (the baby is now 26) and I somehow got myself pregnant to trap him

Oh sweet Christ! 🤢

Omg I'm dying 😂😂😂

My ex told our daughter he purposefully leaves his flies open so women will look and so it makes them feel uncomfortable. 🤮🤬

Breathe 😂
I wish he wouldn't 😂😂😂

😂

My ex was vain enough when I was with him. When we split, he became obsessed with bodybuilding. He thought he looked shit hot. In reality, he resembled a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle who'd lathered himself in tikka masala.

Well of course it would. As I am sure it was all your fault that he was selfish sexually incontinent wanker! I take it that his decision making has not improved if the scales have finally fallen from their eyes!

Tell him that hearing this story second hand on the internet was enough to ruin sex for me forever. Dickhead. (Him, not you!)

EX DP Stayed in bed sulking for 3 days because my children came for Christmas. Twice.
ExDH of 20 years married his 2nd wife on the same day as our wedding anniversary, I dont mind but we married on the 22nd of march a Saturday and they married on a random weekday on the 22nd of March.