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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unwashed Bumhole Smell

128 replies

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 20:59

Whole family have been ill with a horrid virus. Usually me and my partner get the children ready for school together, but today I asked if he wouldn't mind doing it so I could sleep in (he's up with the larks regardless, usually long before the children). I said I would do children tomorrow by myself (which of courses I will do) and give him a rub tonight because he's had body aches.

Roll on tonight, I ask "do you need a shower before I start giving you a massage"? As he felt a bit sticky and greasy, and idk some people tend to just get smellier easier. He said he had a shower this morning. Fine. And then starts laying the law down about how he doesn't want me to start "finding excuses" for not giving him a massage and I'm like "Fine, if you've had a shower this morning I'm sure there will be no issue". However, when he flipped over, I was hit by the foulest of smells - really very pungent. I asked him to have a 2 minute shower and he starts storming about, saying that it's all in my head 🙄 which is a trope he likes to trot out, like I'm insane and can't trust my own senses. How he shouldn't have to be "inconvenienced" by having a 2nd shower. I'm getting irritated by this point, as I don't see why he can't just have a two minute shower (I would hate to think someone was sat suffering my BO if the roles were reversed) and tell him not to bother, I don't want to spend any time with a man who doesn't meet basic hygiene requirements and is so bloody bolshy and difficult. He thinks I should just have put up with the very strong unwashed bum smell, because I had promised him a rub for letting me lay in. For the record, I have no issue giving rubs / massages and definitely wouldn't be looking for excuses not to give one. But think that the desire not to have intimate contact with someone who smells and is a foul tempered oaf to boot, trumps anything he was "owed". Am I unreasonable though? Should I have suffered through and not said anything to keep the peace?

OP posts:
swingingbytheseat · 12/02/2026 21:52

My partner is asleep and I’m trying not to lol reading this 🤣🤣🤣

Likeoohlaalaala · 12/02/2026 21:53

My ex didn't stink of bumhole but his feet were awful, even after he'd showered they'd smell. I offered up loads of suggestions including antibacterial soap and foot soaks, soaking his socks in dettol, etc, but he never did anything about it. He'd get all defensive if I said they smelled, my nose was too sensitive apparently. I'd sit as far away as I could from him with my jumper over my nose, still nothing

And I just left for no reason apparently, some men are just pigs

Cerealcoffeetea · 12/02/2026 21:54

How are you with a partner who needs to be incentivised to get kids ready for school?

Maybe do him a reward chart - 1 star for getting kids ready, 2 stars for washing his bum all by himself.

BatchCookBabe · 12/02/2026 21:55

RonObvious · 12/02/2026 21:38

Thought this was going to be about a new punk band.

😆

Jane143 · 12/02/2026 21:56

swingingbytheseat · 12/02/2026 21:52

My partner is asleep and I’m trying not to lol reading this 🤣🤣🤣

🤣🤣🤣💩

Woodfiresareamazing · 12/02/2026 21:57

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 21:07

Thanks all for the sanity check. I didn't think I was BU, but he was trying to lay the law down saying I owed him one because I'd said I would, and that I was BU to ask him to shower. He's fuming over how "unreasonable" I've been so was doubting myself.

He was "laying the law down"?!! Expecting you to massage him when he's actually dirty and smelly - that is so gross. I wouldn't want to touch him ever again.
He sounds like he needs to throw himself in the bin.

surrealpotato · 12/02/2026 21:59

You're not unreasonable to ask him to shower before a massage.

You are quite unreasonable for writing that whole episode out on MN and sharing the most private, embarrassing details of your relationship with strangers on the internet for literally no reason.

Edit: I mean, imagine if the roles were reversed, and the first thing he did was to go online and talk about how much you smelled. You'd have every right to feel betrayed and indignant. It's just shitty behaviour and frankly bizarre.

outerspacepotato · 12/02/2026 22:01

Dude. I don't touch men who smell repulsive. You need to improve your hygiene, it's a deal breaker.

🤢🤮

He is the bin. Just roll him out and leave him.

Barnbrack · 12/02/2026 22:03

My main ongoing argument with my husband is regardless of what else is happening in the world he spends half an hour showering meticulously each morning. He also uses a genuinely ridiculous amount of loo roll (his best friends who eh use to live with jokes about it too) his comeback has always been 'sorry I like a clean arse' and suddenly I'm very on his side in my own argument 😂 I'd no idea how much some men object to washing and am glad my main row with my husband is why he can't just have a quick was instead of a meticulous every inch everything shower daily.

Cerealcoffeetea · 12/02/2026 22:04

surrealpotato · 12/02/2026 21:59

You're not unreasonable to ask him to shower before a massage.

You are quite unreasonable for writing that whole episode out on MN and sharing the most private, embarrassing details of your relationship with strangers on the internet for literally no reason.

Edit: I mean, imagine if the roles were reversed, and the first thing he did was to go online and talk about how much you smelled. You'd have every right to feel betrayed and indignant. It's just shitty behaviour and frankly bizarre.

Edited

Are you for real? This whole site is literally people posting anonymously about shit that's happening in their lives... "for no apparent reason"...

Woodfiresareamazing · 12/02/2026 22:04

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 21:21

Yes 😂 When you put it like that, it's bad, isn't it? I would be the same, scrubbing myself. He just said I was imagining it, but even if it were real, I should just have put up with it.

That's even worse!!

Maybe he needs to use wetwipes after using loo paper...

Jane143 · 12/02/2026 22:05

RonObvious · 12/02/2026 21:38

Thought this was going to be about a new punk band.

This has got to be the funniest comment on MN ever! ‘Unwashed bum hole smell’ as a name for a punk band makes me cry tears of laughter 🤣

SusanChurchouse · 12/02/2026 22:05

My tattooist reckons a lot of smell comes from people’s hands, she notices when tattooing wrists. Suspects people don’t wash their hands properly after the toilet.

Anyway, he sounds foul.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 12/02/2026 22:07

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 21:05

He does shower every morning, but he's one of these people who tends to smell by the end of the day. Sometimes quite badly. He's on the bigger side, so that might be something to do with it.

When you say he showers every morning, does he get soap or shower gel and a wash rag and scrub himself, or does he stand under the shower for 2 minutes and assume he's clean? (Hint: he won't be.).

surrealpotato · 12/02/2026 22:11

Cerealcoffeetea · 12/02/2026 22:04

Are you for real? This whole site is literally people posting anonymously about shit that's happening in their lives... "for no apparent reason"...

Yes but this really just stood out to me as something really vulgar, unkind and humiliating to share with others. It's not coming from a place of love at all, or anything close.

blackpooolrock · 12/02/2026 22:13

What the hell is unwashed bum hole smell?

I don't believe i've ever smelt someone's unwashed bumhole.

That sounds just gross... who the hell wants to smell like an unwashed bumhole? If i thought i smelt like an unwashed bumhole my bumhole would be in the shower toot suite.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 12/02/2026 22:13

popcornandpotatoes · 12/02/2026 21:51

How can someone smell like that in the evening after a shower in the morning? I don't see how that's physically possible

Because at some point in the day he's had a poo and not cleaned himself properly

Woodfiresareamazing · 12/02/2026 22:15

Rosesanddaffs · 12/02/2026 21:27

This reminds me of my ex husband!

He used to expect blow jobs but hadn’t washed his cheesy wotsit for DAYS!

@CantBreathe90 you are definitely not being unreasonable.

Oh god that actually made me gag 🤢

Why are they SO disgusting? And entitled?

Not surprised he's your ex...

Woodfiresareamazing · 12/02/2026 22:20

popcornandpotatoes · 12/02/2026 21:51

How can someone smell like that in the evening after a shower in the morning? I don't see how that's physically possible

Easily done if he doesn't wipe his bum properly, or wash it properly in the shower...

namechangetheworld · 12/02/2026 22:26

I would have lost it at him "laying down the law" over a bloody massage to be honest. He sounds vile.

FourNaanJeremy · 12/02/2026 22:27

surrealpotato · 12/02/2026 22:11

Yes but this really just stood out to me as something really vulgar, unkind and humiliating to share with others. It's not coming from a place of love at all, or anything close.

But OP is anonymous on here Confused
It’s not like she’s named him or posted it on Facebook

And why does it need to be ‘from a place of love’? Her partner is guilt tripping her for not performing massages in exchange for him looking after his own kids, in addition to his appalling hygiene, it isn’t sitting right with her

LucyLoo1972 · 12/02/2026 22:32

Jaffalemons · 12/02/2026 21:40

Does he get soap on his arsehole. Hairy arse with chugnuts swinging around. Urgh

this thread is making me feel ill now

NotAnotherScarf · 12/02/2026 22:38

Slightyamusedandsilly · 12/02/2026 21:05

That's disgusting.

My ex used to get me to promise blow jobs for doing favours for me. But would object to washing his genitalia first.

Men are vile.

No some men are vile...I'm male and worked many years ago with a woman who would muck her horses out. Then come straight to work and get into the clothes which she kept in the office for weeks if not months at a time...so I am paranoid about smelling and so are several of my mates.

AnotherHormonalWoman · 12/02/2026 22:52

Look up The Speech Prof on Instagram/Facebook/whatever. He makes videos about toxic men and an unfortunate number of them are about men who don't think that they should wipe their bums because it's somehow unmasculine 😨

It's not just him, there's a whole load of stuff all over the internet: A stupid amount of men don't even wipe their ass and think that skid marks are perfectly fucking normal. Toxic masculinity is preventing men from wiping their bums properly | Metro News

The bar is underground at this point, ladies.

Toxic masculinity is preventing some men from wiping their bums properly

WARNING: THIS IS GROSS

https://metro.co.uk/2017/10/29/toxic-masculinity-is-preventing-some-men-from-wiping-their-bums-properly-7036601/

AnotherHormonalWoman · 12/02/2026 22:54

surrealpotato · 12/02/2026 22:11

Yes but this really just stood out to me as something really vulgar, unkind and humiliating to share with others. It's not coming from a place of love at all, or anything close.

You don't need to come from a place of love when your lover stinks of ass and thinks that you still owe him regardless. HTH.