Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unwashed Bumhole Smell

128 replies

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 20:59

Whole family have been ill with a horrid virus. Usually me and my partner get the children ready for school together, but today I asked if he wouldn't mind doing it so I could sleep in (he's up with the larks regardless, usually long before the children). I said I would do children tomorrow by myself (which of courses I will do) and give him a rub tonight because he's had body aches.

Roll on tonight, I ask "do you need a shower before I start giving you a massage"? As he felt a bit sticky and greasy, and idk some people tend to just get smellier easier. He said he had a shower this morning. Fine. And then starts laying the law down about how he doesn't want me to start "finding excuses" for not giving him a massage and I'm like "Fine, if you've had a shower this morning I'm sure there will be no issue". However, when he flipped over, I was hit by the foulest of smells - really very pungent. I asked him to have a 2 minute shower and he starts storming about, saying that it's all in my head 🙄 which is a trope he likes to trot out, like I'm insane and can't trust my own senses. How he shouldn't have to be "inconvenienced" by having a 2nd shower. I'm getting irritated by this point, as I don't see why he can't just have a two minute shower (I would hate to think someone was sat suffering my BO if the roles were reversed) and tell him not to bother, I don't want to spend any time with a man who doesn't meet basic hygiene requirements and is so bloody bolshy and difficult. He thinks I should just have put up with the very strong unwashed bum smell, because I had promised him a rub for letting me lay in. For the record, I have no issue giving rubs / massages and definitely wouldn't be looking for excuses not to give one. But think that the desire not to have intimate contact with someone who smells and is a foul tempered oaf to boot, trumps anything he was "owed". Am I unreasonable though? Should I have suffered through and not said anything to keep the peace?

OP posts:
CotswoldsCamilla · 12/02/2026 23:27

It’s threads like these that make me grateful for my lovely non-shit smelling husband.

This guy must be morbidly obese if he can’t even wipe his own ass.

You deserve better, OP. How can you think that smelling of shit is normal. It is not.

biscuitbrain6 · 12/02/2026 23:43

This thread has actually reminded me of an ex. He used to live in a house share and clearly didn’t use the communal bathroom often. When he’d come over I couldn’t smell it on him, but one time I noticed a funky smell where he’d been sat on my fabric sofa. Reader, I sniffed it.

It’s an unmistakable stench. Not poo but arse. Sweaty arse. And the fact it permeated his clothing all the way through to my sofa meant it was fucking pungent. He became an ex shortly after, absolutely grim.

InterestedDad37 · 12/02/2026 23:48

That's just gross 🤢

WingingItSince1973 · 12/02/2026 23:55

What a day to have eyes 🤢🤢🤢

emilysquest · 13/02/2026 00:04

OMG. I have had some "arseholes" in my time (in the usual sense of the word), but never a man who was actually arsehole scented. Just when I thought my impression of men in general could not sink any lower.. I think I am actually glad to be old and not on the market...

Silvermoon8 · 13/02/2026 00:15

ummm, ew! I’ve also never been in a relationship where I had to convince men to do me favours in return for sexual favours. Grim!

SunMoonandChocolate · 13/02/2026 00:17

I think I would have told him that I promised him a massage, but I didn't promise I'd do it if he was stinky! Rank!!

RonaldMcDonaldTrump · 13/02/2026 00:32

blackpooolrock · 12/02/2026 22:13

What the hell is unwashed bum hole smell?

I don't believe i've ever smelt someone's unwashed bumhole.

That sounds just gross... who the hell wants to smell like an unwashed bumhole? If i thought i smelt like an unwashed bumhole my bumhole would be in the shower toot suite.

Have you ever had to type the word bumhole so many times in a paragraph 😅

Otterdrunk · 13/02/2026 01:00

Barnbrack · 12/02/2026 22:03

My main ongoing argument with my husband is regardless of what else is happening in the world he spends half an hour showering meticulously each morning. He also uses a genuinely ridiculous amount of loo roll (his best friends who eh use to live with jokes about it too) his comeback has always been 'sorry I like a clean arse' and suddenly I'm very on his side in my own argument 😂 I'd no idea how much some men object to washing and am glad my main row with my husband is why he can't just have a quick was instead of a meticulous every inch everything shower daily.

Not saying this is the same for your DH but I used to always wonder why my Ex used to take half an hour to shower every a.m & yet it would only take me 10mins. He didn’t unlike me have long hair to wash & then it finally dawned on me. That wasn’t the only thing he was doing in there. I mean I know that doesn’t take s lot of time for some men but does for others. Just saying!

DallazMajor · 13/02/2026 01:02

I dated a guy who’s arse smelt of Roast Beef Monster Munch.

It didn’t last.

TopazQuartz · 13/02/2026 01:11

Lmnop22 · 12/02/2026 21:19

This is wild. If someone told me I smelled bad, I would be so mortified I would probably shower for an hour. He’s literally straight faced arguing with you that he doesn’t smell and just going on about his business stinking? 😳

😆it's gross, but this response cracked me up!

Jk987 · 13/02/2026 06:46

It’s not just the smell OP, it’s his attitude. The way he talks to you is disrespectful. I would confide in soneome in real life. He will drag you down and you deserve to be treated much better.

dairydebris · 13/02/2026 06:59

Jk987 · 13/02/2026 06:46

It’s not just the smell OP, it’s his attitude. The way he talks to you is disrespectful. I would confide in soneome in real life. He will drag you down and you deserve to be treated much better.

I agree with this. The sheer brass neck of demanding a massage after being told you smell bad. I can't believe hes not a massive twat in lots of other ways too.

Coconutter24 · 13/02/2026 07:00

BatchCookBabe · 12/02/2026 21:33

I can't say I have ever experienced smelling someone's rancid arse on a train! Never! And I have been on 100s of trains (including underground trains) in my lifetime!

I was once at a school concert and the guy in front of me stunk of it. It was definitely his bum crack it was vile!!

Jaffalemons · 13/02/2026 07:16

AnotherHormonalWoman · 12/02/2026 22:52

Look up The Speech Prof on Instagram/Facebook/whatever. He makes videos about toxic men and an unfortunate number of them are about men who don't think that they should wipe their bums because it's somehow unmasculine 😨

It's not just him, there's a whole load of stuff all over the internet: A stupid amount of men don't even wipe their ass and think that skid marks are perfectly fucking normal. Toxic masculinity is preventing men from wiping their bums properly | Metro News

The bar is underground at this point, ladies.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

LiveToTell · 13/02/2026 07:52

blackpooolrock · 12/02/2026 22:13

What the hell is unwashed bum hole smell?

I don't believe i've ever smelt someone's unwashed bumhole.

That sounds just gross... who the hell wants to smell like an unwashed bumhole? If i thought i smelt like an unwashed bumhole my bumhole would be in the shower toot suite.

I think you can use your imagination there…

OP, the worrying thing here is his attitude towards you. He doesn’t sound like a nice guy. My husband wouldn’t let me near him if he smelt, let alone have a go because I “owed it” to him.

mistymorninglight · 13/02/2026 08:09

I remember being on the cafe board on makeup alley and a poster there dated a body builder who got so huge he was literally unable to wipe his own bottom.

She was giving him a blow job and noticed the foul smell and he said "keep going, its just my butt" 😆🤣

MartinasKitchen · 13/02/2026 12:02

DallazMajor · 13/02/2026 01:02

I dated a guy who’s arse smelt of Roast Beef Monster Munch.

It didn’t last.

I totally understand this.

Pickled Onion I could deal with, but Roast Beef Flavour is definitely a deal breaker.

Rosesanddaffs · 13/02/2026 14:00

MartinasKitchen · 13/02/2026 12:02

I totally understand this.

Pickled Onion I could deal with, but Roast Beef Flavour is definitely a deal breaker.

😂🤣😂 hilarious

Otterdrunk · 13/02/2026 19:08

mistymorninglight · 13/02/2026 08:09

I remember being on the cafe board on makeup alley and a poster there dated a body builder who got so huge he was literally unable to wipe his own bottom.

She was giving him a blow job and noticed the foul smell and he said "keep going, its just my butt" 😆🤣

Jesus. Maybe they think it’s a kind of punishment on others & perceived normal consequence of being so big? Like I can’t reach or even be arsed literally to so deal with it? Gross. It’s actually at the extreme end on the continuum of leaving skids on the toilet bowl, leaving unwashed gross pants on the floor etc & the gross arrogance some men seem to have that their arses & toilet habits are for someone else to deal with. Eeeuuww.

Meteorite87 · 14/02/2026 00:35

ChaToilLeam · 12/02/2026 21:00

Is he usually such a minger? That sounds foul.

It does sound rank, an instant turn-off.

Wondering about the 7% who thought @CantBreathe90 was unreasonable.

Meteorite87 · 14/02/2026 00:40

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 12/02/2026 21:06

I will say these sort of hygiene threads on here and Reddit are always unanimous in the replies, body hygiene is a basic requirement and there is no excuse if you have access to basic laundry and bathroom facilities.

Yes and on Reddit the posters are often VERY blunt to make their point. Polite refusals are not recommended 😉

Economicsday · 14/02/2026 01:47

He sounds absolutely vile, his hygiene and his personality.
Be careful OP, he sounds potentially abusive.

blackpooolrock · 15/02/2026 08:32

AnotherHormonalWoman · 12/02/2026 22:52

Look up The Speech Prof on Instagram/Facebook/whatever. He makes videos about toxic men and an unfortunate number of them are about men who don't think that they should wipe their bums because it's somehow unmasculine 😨

It's not just him, there's a whole load of stuff all over the internet: A stupid amount of men don't even wipe their ass and think that skid marks are perfectly fucking normal. Toxic masculinity is preventing men from wiping their bums properly | Metro News

The bar is underground at this point, ladies.

I’m lost for words, how can anyone think not wiping their arse is the right thing to do? These men are arseholes.

blackpooolrock · 15/02/2026 08:35

mistymorninglight · 13/02/2026 08:09

I remember being on the cafe board on makeup alley and a poster there dated a body builder who got so huge he was literally unable to wipe his own bottom.

She was giving him a blow job and noticed the foul smell and he said "keep going, its just my butt" 😆🤣

He could have wiped if he put his hand between his legs rather than reached around.

why would any woman sleep with a man with a shitty arse?

raise your standards ladies, don’t stand for any excuses. These men deserve to be kicked out if they’re don’t wipe or wash.

ive never been with a man who smells but I can guarantee that if I got so much a whiff of something rotten they would be out the door quicker than you can say boo. It’s absolutely rank.