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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unwashed Bumhole Smell

128 replies

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 20:59

Whole family have been ill with a horrid virus. Usually me and my partner get the children ready for school together, but today I asked if he wouldn't mind doing it so I could sleep in (he's up with the larks regardless, usually long before the children). I said I would do children tomorrow by myself (which of courses I will do) and give him a rub tonight because he's had body aches.

Roll on tonight, I ask "do you need a shower before I start giving you a massage"? As he felt a bit sticky and greasy, and idk some people tend to just get smellier easier. He said he had a shower this morning. Fine. And then starts laying the law down about how he doesn't want me to start "finding excuses" for not giving him a massage and I'm like "Fine, if you've had a shower this morning I'm sure there will be no issue". However, when he flipped over, I was hit by the foulest of smells - really very pungent. I asked him to have a 2 minute shower and he starts storming about, saying that it's all in my head 🙄 which is a trope he likes to trot out, like I'm insane and can't trust my own senses. How he shouldn't have to be "inconvenienced" by having a 2nd shower. I'm getting irritated by this point, as I don't see why he can't just have a two minute shower (I would hate to think someone was sat suffering my BO if the roles were reversed) and tell him not to bother, I don't want to spend any time with a man who doesn't meet basic hygiene requirements and is so bloody bolshy and difficult. He thinks I should just have put up with the very strong unwashed bum smell, because I had promised him a rub for letting me lay in. For the record, I have no issue giving rubs / massages and definitely wouldn't be looking for excuses not to give one. But think that the desire not to have intimate contact with someone who smells and is a foul tempered oaf to boot, trumps anything he was "owed". Am I unreasonable though? Should I have suffered through and not said anything to keep the peace?

OP posts:
NoCommentingFromNowOn · 12/02/2026 21:10

Iamsotiredandfedup · 12/02/2026 21:09

Oh no a bird bath at least please

I swear a lot of men don’t wash their arse cracks, I’ve ventured down (and swiftly returned back up) on a few of these fuckers

I’ve read some men think it’s gay to wash your arse (on Reddit).

MxCactus · 12/02/2026 21:10

Does he really smell after just a few hours of having washed in the shower that morning? Surely that's not normal

catipuss · 12/02/2026 21:12

If it's just his bum why not just wash that? Is the bug causing poo problems? Just tell him he stinks down there.

Iamsotiredandfedup · 12/02/2026 21:14

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 12/02/2026 21:10

I’ve read some men think it’s gay to wash your arse (on Reddit).

Stop it 😂

they’ll have no other option soon. Women go through enough, they can share their clammy arse cracks with each other

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/02/2026 21:14

MxCactus · 12/02/2026 21:10

Does he really smell after just a few hours of having washed in the shower that morning? Surely that's not normal

Well yes if he's not wiping his arse properly

Coconutter24 · 12/02/2026 21:15

Slightyamusedandsilly · 12/02/2026 21:05

That's disgusting.

My ex used to get me to promise blow jobs for doing favours for me. But would object to washing his genitalia first.

Men are vile.

Please tell me you would object to following through on that promise!!

MyTrivia · 12/02/2026 21:16

YANBU it’s gross.

I once had to do a massage trade-test at a job interview. The woman (who was also a self-important dick) had that unwashed bum hole smell so I know exactly what you are referring to.

I would be embarrassed to subject another person to such a thing.

MyTrivia · 12/02/2026 21:17

Iamsotiredandfedup · 12/02/2026 21:14

Stop it 😂

they’ll have no other option soon. Women go through enough, they can share their clammy arse cracks with each other

Well said! 👏👏👏

mistymorninglight · 12/02/2026 21:17

Of course YANBU but I’m a bit surprised why a man who had a shower only this morning now reeks of poo.

If he had a manual job I could understand him smelling a bit sweaty but to smell of butt so badly is not right. Is he not wiping himself after going to the toilet? What the heck is wrong with him?

Again I am astounded by what some women will put up with

Lmnop22 · 12/02/2026 21:19

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 21:09

I don't think it should. But I think he thinks that because he has showered that morning, he can't possibly smell. But he does.

This is wild. If someone told me I smelled bad, I would be so mortified I would probably shower for an hour. He’s literally straight faced arguing with you that he doesn’t smell and just going on about his business stinking? 😳

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 21:21

Lmnop22 · 12/02/2026 21:19

This is wild. If someone told me I smelled bad, I would be so mortified I would probably shower for an hour. He’s literally straight faced arguing with you that he doesn’t smell and just going on about his business stinking? 😳

Yes 😂 When you put it like that, it's bad, isn't it? I would be the same, scrubbing myself. He just said I was imagining it, but even if it were real, I should just have put up with it.

OP posts:
pouletvous · 12/02/2026 21:21

Why you giving him a rub if you feel unwell yourself?

Oaknholly · 12/02/2026 21:23

My libido would be gone. Forever.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

Beekman · 12/02/2026 21:23

A sweaty bum crack smell if from sweat and skin rather than of shit so it’s not really anything to do with not wiping himself. Sure, there will be fecal matter hanging about but it’s not a shit smell.

Anyway OP, this is horrible. If I ever had to tell my DH he smelt of stale arse crack, he would be morto qnd straight in the shower and it would never happen again.

biscuitbrain6 · 12/02/2026 21:24

Has he no shame? Can you not just say ‘look mate your arsehole stinks, I can literally smell you’. Would not be embarrassed?

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 12/02/2026 21:25

What am I reading, after 30 odd years I can categorically say I’ve never ever been able to smell my husbands arse, I can’t even beleive that’s a thing. That’s utterly disgusting.

Imisscoffee2021 · 12/02/2026 21:25

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 21:05

He does shower every morning, but he's one of these people who tends to smell by the end of the day. Sometimes quite badly. He's on the bigger side, so that might be something to do with it.

He shouldn't smell like pungent butthole unless he for some reason isn't wiping properly though so the bacteria builds up and reeks? Is he if a size that would make reaching to wipe properly tricky?

Either way you aren't wrong and if he wants to bleat and whine about it he can, let it wash over you while he let's soapy water wash over him and his smelly bum crack.

CantBreathe90 · 12/02/2026 21:26

FuzzyWolf · 12/02/2026 21:06

Missing the point here, but why do you have to offer an exchange to get some help with your children when you are ill?

Because it's a chore we usually do together. We have a 3yo and 5yo who have to have a lot of eczema / asthma seeing to in the morning, and shower them etc so it's quite involved.

I do get the impression too though, that he thinks he carries more of the burden of work in the relationship. I think it's quite evenly split, but he is quite transactional with what jobs we each do, which again, stems from him thinking he's hard done by.

Tbf too, he also has the same virus. Although there has definitely been time for him to rest too.

OP posts:
Rosesanddaffs · 12/02/2026 21:27

Slightyamusedandsilly · 12/02/2026 21:05

That's disgusting.

My ex used to get me to promise blow jobs for doing favours for me. But would object to washing his genitalia first.

Men are vile.

This reminds me of my ex husband!

He used to expect blow jobs but hadn’t washed his cheesy wotsit for DAYS!

@CantBreathe90 you are definitely not being unreasonable.

BatchCookBabe · 12/02/2026 21:28

WTAF have I just read? Shock This is absolutely disgusting. Not in 30+ years together has my DH ever had a smelly arse!

As a pp said, what some women put up with!!! Absolutely vile, and makes me very glad that I am married to a man with very good hygiene (like me!)

.

OnlyLittleOldMe · 12/02/2026 21:29

Buy him some stuff called Wype that should help him wipe his bum properly

BauhausOfEliott · 12/02/2026 21:30

Most people who shower in the morning wouldn’t stink by evening. It’s not showering that’s the issue here. The issue is that he’s a grown man who apparently can’t wipe his arse properly.

Rosesanddaffs · 12/02/2026 21:30

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 12/02/2026 21:25

What am I reading, after 30 odd years I can categorically say I’ve never ever been able to smell my husbands arse, I can’t even beleive that’s a thing. That’s utterly disgusting.

😂😂😂

Unfortunately I can smell it on other people! More so when they are on the trains and their bum is facing my direction 🤮

JLou08 · 12/02/2026 21:32

In normal circumstances I'd agree with you. Given you've all been really poorly with a virus, I think you were unreasonable. Getting out of bed when your ill and think you've settled for the night is hard.

lizziedripping98 · 12/02/2026 21:33

Does soap even see his ar*ehole? Does he actually get his hand or a rag in and wash it or does he think rhe water cascading off it is enough?
My husband had a sweat rash once. Smell was disgusting I said what is that SMELL?! He said maybe bc he'd not showerd in FOUR DAYS (i'm long haul cabin crew and can be away for days at time) all bc he was playing a new game and got "engrossed" I went MENTAL. He went in the shower whilst I went for some medicated cream at the pharmacy. Men can be such scrubbers at times....

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