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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Swinging teachers

372 replies

Saintsfan7 · 08/03/2025 17:59

Interested to read some opinions on this. Someone we know has found out that a teacher at their child's school is a swinger. This person is aghast about this and wants to report the teacher (not sure what for) and is refusing to let them teach their child.
My attitude is that as long as it doesn't affect their work (whichbit clearly isnt) then what the teacher chooses to do in their private time is their business and their business only. ATBU?

OP posts:
Longma · 10/03/2025 12:30

And what on earth do you think the Governors could or would do with the information?

Markovenchip · 10/03/2025 12:38

Longma · 10/03/2025 12:30

How does the teacher's sex life affect the way they do their job?

I'm assuming the teacher isn't partaking on school grounds or during contracted work hours.

Every adult, including teachers, are allowed a private life and yes, that involves sex. If it isn't illegal then what is the actual issue really?

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The issue is the morals of the Teacher, it could be reflected in the classroom

EBearhug · 10/03/2025 12:59

Markovenchip · 10/03/2025 12:38

The issue is the morals of the Teacher, it could be reflected in the classroom

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It could be - but most likely won't be, because the teacher will be busy teaching, keeping control in the classroom and just doing his/her job.

angela1952 · 10/03/2025 13:07

Personally I wouldn't care at all, but I can see that if it was a teacher at any kind of religious primary school there might be a bit of a fuss.

Careertimenow · 10/03/2025 13:07

Markovenchip · 10/03/2025 12:14

So a person with a family who goes around sleeping with multiple partners is acceptable to you ?.......some people have no morals, self-respect, or dignity, and you call me a disgrace !

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You think you are better and they are unworthy for being swinger's? It's not my style or taste but I wouldn't judge anyone.

Shetlands · 10/03/2025 13:09

Markovenchip · 10/03/2025 12:38

The issue is the morals of the Teacher, it could be reflected in the classroom

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In which ways?

Catza · 10/03/2025 13:14

Markovenchip · 10/03/2025 12:14

So a person with a family who goes around sleeping with multiple partners is acceptable to you ?.......some people have no morals, self-respect, or dignity, and you call me a disgrace !

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What makes you think they have a family?
Also, many couples go to swinging clubs and don't actually sleep with others. They may enjoy the music, dressing up, or voyeurisms, or using the "equipment". There are also many couples who are in a polyarmorous relationship. Consensually.
What does it have to do with the school governor? Any decent SG would laugh your complaint out of the door because it has absolutely nothing to do with their job.

Paganpentacle · 10/03/2025 13:16

In what way is it a safeguarding issue? What consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home is nobody's business but theirs.
I'm assuming the kids aren't involved..if its going on mid-assembly then that's different...

Paganpentacle · 10/03/2025 13:17

Markovenchip · 10/03/2025 12:38

The issue is the morals of the Teacher, it could be reflected in the classroom

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How?

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 10/03/2025 14:38

Markovenchip · 10/03/2025 12:14

So a person with a family who goes around sleeping with multiple partners is acceptable to you ?.......some people have no morals, self-respect, or dignity, and you call me a disgrace !

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As long as they are not cheating, then of course it is okay.

If all parties are in agreement then there is absolutely nothing wrong with adults having as much or as little consensual sex with whomever they like.

It has nothing to do with morals, self respect or dignity.

In fact it is your morals that are in question, happily talking about trying to ruin someone's life for making a choice with their own body that isn't hurting anyone.

daisypetula · 10/03/2025 14:51

"The issue is the morals of the Teacher, it could be reflected in the classroom"

@markovenchip why, does she have a mirror on the ceiling ?

Ilovecleaning · 10/03/2025 15:38

Shetlands · 10/03/2025 12:19

Teachers are the worst? You don't know many doctors then! 😂

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… or firemen…

Idontcareforthat · 10/03/2025 16:43

Ilovecleaning · 10/03/2025 15:38

… or firemen…

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Or the construction industry…

Deboragh · 10/03/2025 17:15

FortyElephants · 08/03/2025 18:08

How did they find out? This impacts the answer to the question. If they posted their face on a swinging site openly for example then they should be reported to the regulator. If they are going on rumours and just being a judgy busy body they they ABU.

'regulator'?!?!. There's a regulator of consenting adult teachers sex lives???

Jabberwok · 10/03/2025 17:32

Markovenchip · 10/03/2025 12:38

The issue is the morals of the Teacher, it could be reflected in the classroom

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Morals sorry have I woken up and it's 1952. If so brilliant, I'm going to go to America and tell Elvis not to eat too many burgers and buddy holly that on no account should he ever fly. I'm also going to stick £10 on Blackpool to win the fa cup and Stan Mortensen to get a hat trick next year.

Id be worried if the teacher was a theft, did drugs or drink drove...but they have sex with consenting adults.

HellDorado · 10/03/2025 18:01

Markovenchip · 10/03/2025 12:14

So a person with a family who goes around sleeping with multiple partners is acceptable to you ?.......some people have no morals, self-respect, or dignity, and you call me a disgrace !

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It doesn’t matter if you, I or anyone else find it “acceptable” - it isn’t our business. Concentrate on your own morals.

Ilovecleaning · 10/03/2025 18:45

Idontcareforthat · 10/03/2025 16:43

Or the construction industry…

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The list goes on… 🤣

Idontcareforthat · 10/03/2025 18:56

Ilovecleaning · 10/03/2025 18:45

The list goes on… 🤣

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Yes!

SpanThatWorld · 10/03/2025 22:26

Deboragh · 10/03/2025 17:15

'regulator'?!?!. There's a regulator of consenting adult teachers sex lives???

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Offuck

Gunkle1 · 11/03/2025 00:18

Markovenchip · 10/03/2025 12:14

So a person with a family who goes around sleeping with multiple partners is acceptable to you ?.......some people have no morals, self-respect, or dignity, and you call me a disgrace !

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Yes perfectly acceptable, and well done to them. Define morals, self respect or dignity. What it means to you, is totally different to every other person on earth.

You might be a disgrace, I think it morally wrong to be only with one partner at a time, and not very respective of self to not have confidence to share your skills and body with others.

As long as not illegal or harming others, then sadly you have no say. I bet you are one of the people who complain about the government overreach into people's life's.

cabbageking · 11/03/2025 00:33

It would breach part 2 of the teachers standards guidance.

But you would look at the facts and all the information available.

GrammarTeacher · 11/03/2025 06:20

cabbageking · 11/03/2025 00:33

It would breach part 2 of the teachers standards guidance.

But you would look at the facts and all the information available.

Not if it was in private it wouldn’t. They have done nothing wrong.

Markovenchip · 11/03/2025 12:32

Careertimenow · 10/03/2025 13:07

You think you are better and they are unworthy for being swinger's? It's not my style or taste but I wouldn't judge anyone.

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I do, and I do, I wouldn't want my kiddies taught by a person who has no morals and self-respect, people should be happy with one partner only

Markovenchip · 11/03/2025 12:35

Gunkle1 · 11/03/2025 00:18

Yes perfectly acceptable, and well done to them. Define morals, self respect or dignity. What it means to you, is totally different to every other person on earth.

You might be a disgrace, I think it morally wrong to be only with one partner at a time, and not very respective of self to not have confidence to share your skills and body with others.

As long as not illegal or harming others, then sadly you have no say. I bet you are one of the people who complain about the government overreach into people's life's.

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People should be content and happy with one partner only, while the taxes I pay are going towards Schools and Teachers wages, I will have my say about personal morals of those who teach, sleeping around willy-nilly is abhorrent to me, quite frankly.

Markovenchip · 11/03/2025 12:38

Gunkle1 · 11/03/2025 00:18

Yes perfectly acceptable, and well done to them. Define morals, self respect or dignity. What it means to you, is totally different to every other person on earth.

You might be a disgrace, I think it morally wrong to be only with one partner at a time, and not very respective of self to not have confidence to share your skills and body with others.

As long as not illegal or harming others, then sadly you have no say. I bet you are one of the people who complain about the government overreach into people's life's.

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All I can say is, I hope they (the swingers) don't blame anyone but themselves if they end up with sexually transmitted diseases, or unwanted pregnancy, one partner, and one partner only is my way of thinking, and I won't change now !