Father in Law 80+ naughty boy

[WhatDidIjustHearr]

This is not really an AIBU but felt like a good place to post.

Staying at my in laws at the moment with the kids. Mother in law and DH went out and I’m working from home. Father in law is also at home.

I’m upstairs and he is in study downstairs. Suddenly I hear a woman’s voice - it sounds like she is in distress or sort of semi screaming in pain. Well the first few seconds I thought that’s what I was hearing as thought he must be watching some crime / drama or something… but he was clearly watching porn.

I think he is rather deaf, it was rather loud. He did turn it down a bit but the change of volume was like someone who is screaming is now just shouting.

I don’t judge anyone for watching porn but I actually had a physical reaction to that and feel somewhat sick.

He, I assume, clearly didn’t think I can hear it. Or did he forget I was here?

I agree with those saying How does watching Adult Porn make him a nonce. Providing the sex is legal and consensual then the Porn is legal. Should people no longer have sexual desires when they get over a certain age.

Assume this is fake- but if not I would politely yet firmly suggest that he might need his hearing checked. It was (hopefully?) just a mistake.

Title makes me cringe. "Naughty boy"? Yuk.

That title is really really gross

"Hey, FIL! That's really loud and l'm trying to work - turn it down a bit, please!"
So he either knows you can hear and is enjoying the idea, in which case bang on the door and confront the old perv, or he's really deaf and doesn't realise and will cringe himself inside out and pretend it was a film ... Either way it stops!

It's not 'in private' if op can hear it!!

I would have found the fuse box and put a stop to it 😂😂😂😂

If adults want to (privately) watch adult content in their own homes then fine.

It's a bit grim of him to do it in the middle of the day while you were upstairs. But he probably either lost track of who was in/who was out or just thought that his study was better soundproofed than it is.

It's definitely rude and inappropriate for her FIL to watch porn at such a loud volume that his DIL can hear everything when he isn't alone in the house. OP found it very embarassing and quite distressing.

Well hopefully he forgot you are in the house, perhaps he thought you went out with DH and DC. That would be pretty horrible if he knows you are there and know you can hear it. If you don't have to go their often I'd ignore and make sure I wasn't alone in his house again! Your title is weird though!

I think you'll find you are the one that needs to read a little more carefully.

NOWHERE did i say that the OP said it.

The person that called the FIL a nonce was* *not the OP. I quoted the post, but it has been retracted.

I know exactly what the meaning of word is, which is why I and many other posters questioned it.

People are judged for all sorts of things that are legal. He may have been in the privacy of his own home, but I'm sure that there are things that you normally do at home that you wouldn't do if you had guests. I think that watching porn at a loud enough volume that your DIL can hear falls into that category. Porn makes lots of women uncomfortable and it's your elderly FIL doing this, I can understand why OP is a bit freaked out.

It’s quite possible ( even OP mentioned it) that he was completely unaware due to his age / loss of hearing that it was quite as loud as it was so you need to factor in these things before deciding that he was rude and inappropriate in watching porn in the privacy of his own study and in his own house
You need to think about these things before inappropriately accusing someone of being rude and causing unnecessary embarrassment, very poor etiquette

The person who used the word Nonce has since said that it was a misunderstanding and the post was deleted. It wasn’t the OP.

I don’t judge anyone for watching porn

I do.

And calling him "a naughty boy" is cringe- making.

Ooh go you 🙄

Have you heard yourselves? Advising OP to knock on the door or enter the room.

She already knows what he's watching so no prizes for what he's doing in there, imagine walking in seeing all that? Having to face him round the table after seeing it?

Just go out of the house for a walk, put headphones in, do what you need to do but this is his home you can't dictate what he does in it. Neither can you assume he wants you to hear it.

i can’t imagine anyone wishes to overhear anyone watching porn, whether they’re 80, 40 or 20. Porn is violence against women, let’s not pretend it’s innocent fun.

Complete overreaction. Just tell him that his computer speakers are too loud and are disturbing your work environment.

It's a horrifying incident if there's any possibility that the woman in the porno video did not consent or if the porn video contained violence. But I don't think there is any reason to believe that FIL was watching it thinking that OP might hear something. He's elderly and may easily have misheard or misunderstood who was going out, and believed he was alone in the house.

My ex-FIL watched porn in his home office and it was just accepted by everyone, wife included. I think everyone just saw it as somewhat quirky for an old man.

He died a few years ago and some things came to light afterwards. Let’s just say I wouldn’t let my children anywhere near him
alone if I were you.

Not really relevant to the thread but it was years before I found out where NONCE came from
If anyone else is ignorant like I was it's from prison. It was on cells of paedophile
Not On Normal Courtyard (or communal) Exercise
To stop them getting attacked

If you're sweating and shaking, how can you manage to type on your phone?

I assumed that the volume was high because of his age or hearing loss. He must still realise that other people could hear what he was watching, so it was inappropriate when his guests were in the house.

I love that you accuse me of very poor etiquette for thinking this was rude but you think that wanking FIL's behaviour is irreproachable.

Did FIL know you were in the house when he played pornography that sounded like a woman screaming in pain at a high volume that you could hear?

Or did he think you were out and he was only alarming neighbours walking past?

What I mean is, is he getting off on trying to distress you or does he just enjoy seeing women get hurt and didn't mean to disturb anybody?